


Somewhere That's Not Here

by professorrjlupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tangled (2010) Fusion, Angst, Established james potter/lily evans, Everybody Lives, Found Family, Getting Together, Inspired by Tangled (2010), M/M, Roommates, Sirius Black-centric, Sirius PoV, Slow Burn, TW: mentions and depictions of emotional & physical abuse from parents, Tangled! AU, chapter specific TWs are mentioned in notes, lowkey a tangled!au but im adding my own twists, oblivious! sirius, pining! sirius, sirius doesnt realize hes in love with remus until chapter 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25026445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professorrjlupin/pseuds/professorrjlupin
Summary: Sirius did not expect the stranger to be this strong (or maybe he should have, but didn’t have the time). They grabbed Sirius and changed their positions, so Sirius was pushed against a tree with enough force to knock some fruit down. The stranger pushed their forearm against his throat. Not enough pressure to suffocate him, but enough to keep him down and afraid. Sirius noticed that, even this close, he could not see the stranger’s face. He must be wearing a mask underneath that cloak. Or maybe it’s enchanted.After the longest minute of Sirius’ life, the stranger eased the stress on his throat but did not let go. “What do you want?”“You’re looking for something and I can help you,” Sirius rushed.After the Great Wizarding War, the Black family escaped to a deserted island for twenty years. No one has ever left, until Sirius Black escapes with a stranger, a flying broomstick, and three pounds of aconite.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 47
Kudos: 128





	1. The First Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> this fic centers around Sirius' relationship with his family. therefore, there will be mentions & depictions of (mostly) emotional & physical abuse

There’s a forest in the farthest tip of the northern islands. A long time ago, a hurricane hit the land. The people were able to evacuate in time, but no one could save the flaming trees from crashing into the ground like comets, or the waves that rolled up and stole the homes of many. 

The island, which used to be home to such life and celebration among the small population, with a school and a theatre and a fishing community, was now deserted. Tree roots stretched over fallen homes, and new gardens grew between the stone. Birds made nests safe from humans, and the island was left alone. 

Until the castle was built. 

Big men with metal machines infused with too much energy cleared the land in one large swoop. They brought in bricks from the mainland and used crafting spells to build the main towers. It was small for a castle, but the detail etched in the walls, and the carpets made with lion fur and portraits done abroad, it rivaled even the queen’s manor on the mainland in elegance. Too bad that it was so secluded, so no one could ever see unless they stepped on the island itself. How could they even get there? No boats come to the shore because there’s nothing to see. The trip is too long and the fish in the water is the same you’d find in the mainland lakes. You’d need an enhanced boat for it. There’s no point of the journey. 

Sometimes, Sirius thinks it’s nice that way. It’s just him, his brother and parents, and the empty island. His father has a motorized boat that takes him to the mainland in twenty minutes, and he buys him books. Sirius likes to take them to the shore to study when the sun is rising. At night, the sky is clear so he can observe the constellations. You could never see the stars as bright on the mainland. Sirius’ books are about magical history and science or theology. He busies himself with playing sports with his brother that they made up, or by solving the arithmancy problems in the old prep books from the island school (before it was deserted, of course). 

When he is busying himself, he is content. 

The only other people on this island are his brother, Regulus, and his parents. They all live similar lifestyles except his father, who is the only one allowed to leave to buy necessities and sometimes learn the important mainland politics. He only speaks of the politics when it concerns their island. Five years ago, in the beginning of winter, his father came home with a creased brow and a handkerchief soaked in sweat, fuming with news of a research project. Sirius knows this because he sat by his parent’s bedroom door to listen. If there’s a research project, he wants in. He’s probably as good as a mainland scientist. He’s read all the books, and has written his own with everything he’s observed in his life. (All factual- he’s rotten at narratives.) But two weeks later, after the longest stint his father had been away, the research was forgotten. Sirius asked his father once more after his return, but all he did was snap and break a glass and told Sirius to stay as far as he can from the shores for two weeks. (He didn’t listen.) 

Now the trees are beginning to bud again, telling Sirius that spring is here. After the research project died, he had pestered his father for fiction books. He had been surprised- the only fiction he owned was children’s books with pictures of talking animals. But Sirius stood strong, and after three visits to the mainland his father caved and brought home a set of books with wooden covers and golden calligraphy on the front. No pictures and no talking animals- they were stories of people his age travelling the seas and discovering new land. Sirius recognized the story- it was nothing more than historical fiction. But he couldn’t complain. At least this story had people he could learn about. Five years later, it’s still the only fiction he owns. 

(He has never spoken this aloud before, or allowed himself to complete this thought, but: Sirius was becoming increasingly interested in people. He knew about the stars and the sea and the pharaohs of ancient Egypt, but he didn’t know any living human being beyond the shore. The closest contact he had to life outside the island were stories from two centuries ago. If he had the vocabulary, he’d describe this situation as infuriating and his father as stoic and restricting. But instead he wrote in his observation journals his growing restlessness and frustration.) 

He once tried to explain to his brother how he felt, but he was too young to understand. He was only seventeen and still content for the world he crafted himself. Sirius would be turning twenty one that year and his growing pains had not dulled yet. His knees wanted to run through the streets in the mainland cities. He wanted to eat something other than fish. Regulus still had fun trying different spices on the same salmon every night. 

No one new had set foot on this island since the castle was built. Birds were the only passerby. Sirius couldn’t find the word for what he was feeling. (Loneliness. Restlessness.) 

Until a new bird flew into the sky. 

Sirius was sitting on his balcony. A lantern sat by his side, but other than that he sat in darkness. The full moon was two nights ago. Now a waning gibbous hung in the sky. He liked to sit out here to think, sometimes. Or to not think, as it would be better said. Either way, Sirius swung his legs through the railing and was the first to see the shadow pass through the normally empty sky. 

He knew it wasn’t a cloud. He had seen and chased after many clouds when he was younger, thinking them to maybe be a new exotic bird or, as he got older, a saviour landing on the island to whisk them away. That was all years ago, way before the research project, and Sirius had learned his lesson. But this figure in the sky was nothing like what he had seen before. This figure soared too low to the ground and got lost in the trees, sending a rumbling through that was only heard during thunderstorms. 

This is it, Sirius thought. Someone new. 

He rushed out of his bedroom, tossing a never worn cloak over himself but neglecting his shoes. He only slowed to tip-toe down the stairs and through the main hall, but as soon as the door shut behind him Sirius took running to the trees with the still shaking leaves. Something in the back of his mind told him to be scared. But Sirius had not yet fully acquainted himself with fear. Anxiety, yes. But the fear that kept people from irrational behavior- Sirius had no intention of meeting them anytime soon. 

No sign of the figure could be seen when Sirius reached it’s landing area. He looked behind every tree and stared up at the branches. He wished he brought his lantern, but there was no time for kicking himself now. There was no sound on the entire island. There was no figure. So Sirius began to walk south, away from the castle. 

The leaves blocked out the moonlight, leaving Sirius to walk through the chill dark. He left his hood down- what was the point when on a deserted island? A soft wind pushed back his hair. As he raised a hand to fix it, he heard twigs snapping to his right. 

The wind was not strong enough to break those twigs. Only the force of someone stepping on them- quickly- could do that. Most other people would ignore or not notice the sound at all, but Sirius had lived on this island for twenty years. He knew what it was supposed to sound like. 

A smirk grew on his face. Sirius took his first tentative steps toward the noise. Peeking around a large tree, he saw a figure squatting through the leaves, searching for something in the rubble he created. 

Sirius might have book smarts, but one thing a book cannot teach you is common sense. He strided towards the figure with the same confidence as if it were a young dog. First it did not notice him, but with the air of someone unfamiliar with rejection, Sirius announced himself. 

“Hello.” 

The figure jumped. It was human, but their features were obscured in the dark. A cloak billowed around them, but less flowy and soft than Sirius’. This one had seen some wear, and it was meant for running. A long stick- a weapon?- was strapped across their back. In no time at all, the person had pulled two objects out of nowhere. The first: a knife nothing like Sirius had read or seen before. It was as big as his mother’s cooking knife, but with a slight curve. It glowed white and caught the moon in it’s reflection. Sirius knew that, if it touched his skin, he would bleed without a second thought. And it was pointed right at him.

Second: a wand. The person held it back, like they were trying to preserve it, but they still held it in fighting stance. Sirius only knew it was a wand from his studies- only his father had one, and he kept it strapped to his thigh at all times. This wand had a golden point, barely visible in the dark. 

Sirius stood frozen. In his dreams, he imagined the first person he’d meet to be kind, welcoming, or more likely just neutral to his presence. But this person was hostile, like Sirius had interrupted some very important work. He had no idea what to do in this unexpected situation. His next words (“My name is Sirius,”) stuck in his throat like dry salmon. 

The person was the next to speak. “Who are you with?” 

Sirius rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, begging to get his voice back. “My family.” 

The person struck out their wand and shot something at Sirius’ feet. He jumped as a frog turned to stone next to where he stood. “Where is your family?” Their voice was quiet and deep, like they were trying to hide their identity. If Sirius tried to say something, like a call for help, then he might end up like that frog. 

“They’re in the castle.” 

“What castle?” 

“Where my family and I live. They’re all inside, I’m out alone.” 

The person lowered their wand but kept their knife directed at Sirius’ neck. “Do you _live_ here?” 

Sirius felt a rise of pride from having surprised this person. “Yes, in the castle up north.”

The person shook their head, exasperated. “Where the fuck is north here,” they said to themself. Sirius’ pride quickly washed away as he realized he was saying too much. They took a step closer to Sirius and used their knife to tip up his chin. “Never tell anyone in your family about this. Ever. Because I will find out, and next time-” they lifted up their wand- “My spell won’t miss.” With that, they pulled away. They finished collecting what they were grabbing from the ground, threw it inside their cloak, and ran off, stepping on every twig. 

Sirius ran after them. When the person pushed out of the trees and into the mud by the shore, they turned around and saw Sirius. “Hey!” he called, but they didn’t mind. They unstrapped the weapon on their back. In the dark it looked like a broomstick, but that was too ridiculous to be true. They stuck it between their legs like a horse and, in an afterthought, stuck their second finger at Sirius. They kicked the mud and were lifted into the sky like a plane taking flight. Sirius’ heart might have stopped with the surprise. 

Sirius met his first mainlander. He lifted his hand to his chin, and it came down with a drop of blood. 

  
  
  


The next weeks went by slowly. With the new information that someone could _fly_ to this island in search of something, Sirius was electrified. His normal activities became dulled in the light of his new person. Sure, they could have killed him anytime they liked, but anything new is exciting to Sirius at this point. And when the stranger did not return, Sirius’ hopes of rescue dimmed and his curiosity grew stronger, like the fuel for one was taken and thrown into the other. 

At least one person knew how to get to this island. Some may know of the resources they have. That means people are interested in Sirius’ island. 

This is the beginning of something, he thought everyday as he woke up. Soon people will be coming, searching for the same thing that stranger was searching for. And when they come, Sirius will know just what to do. He’s lived here his whole life, after all, and doesn’t have much better to do than explore the island. There’s ruins from the hurricane a hundred years ago, and plants have warped the land so you need thick boots to get across most of it. He knows every plant and animal who has come across. If anyone is looking for something, they’ll have to come to him. 

Of course, they could be looking for his family. That was the thought that kept him up at night. He had told the stranger where his castle- and his entire family- were. Sirius’ hopes and excitement were being pulled in two different directions. Soon something would have to rip. 

Everynight Sirius sat on the balcony. He accidentally flipped his sleep cycle by staying up so late. But what could he do, sleep? Knowing the outside was so close? 

Sirius’ mother began asking questions. Why did he skip breakfast every morning, and why were his lanterns on when his father woke up? In the beginning he shrugged it off, but it’s hard to avoid someone when there’s only two other people with you on a deserted island. 

One day, when Sirius was rereading one of his three fiction books, his mother walked in and shut the door. He didn’t realise at first- he was too distracted on taking notes on mainland culture in the eighteenth century. She walked in holding her shawl tight around herself, as she always did when she had something to say. Sirius looked up to see her kick the door shut behind her with a nudge of her foot- too late to object before her entrance. 

“Good morning, Sirius,” she said, sitting down at his bed. Sirius turned around from his desk. 

“Good morning, mother.” 

“It’s eleven am. You’re usually up and about right now.”

His mother always noticed when he had just woken up. “I stayed up late.” 

She tilted her head, fixing her eyes on him. “Sit with me, Sirius.” 

Her eyes tugged at Sirius' stomach, making him immediately nauseous. (Or, as someone in his novel would say, seasick.) He sat next to her on the bed, consciously keeping a foot between them. Dust floated between them in the sunlight from the window, and his mother swat it all away. Sirius knew what this position meant: it was time for his mother to speak and nothing else. 

“I know you want to leave the island.” Sirius’ blood stopped circulating. He kept his eyes focused on the carpet, but his mother’s gaze was burning into him without her trying. She crossed her legs and loosened her shawl. She was getting comfortable. 

“Don’t act so surprised. Look at me, Sirius.” He looked at her. “You know how I learned?” He nodded. “Use your words.” 

“How?” 

“Because I’m not stupid. Sometimes you are, but I am not. So listen to me, Sirius. Show me you’re listening. Look at me.” Sirius lifted his gaze to his mother’s bracelet, a relic from the mainland. “I know you’re exploring the island every night. I see you reading those books again. Remember last time when you did this?” 

Last time. When his father came home with the research project. Sirius was flooded with shame at the memory of what he had done in his excitement. “I remember.” 

“Remember how stupid you were, and how you hurt yourself? How you hurt me?” She placed her hand on her heart the same way she did those five years ago. Looking at her, Sirius felt the guilt all over again. He had tried to leave on his father’s boat. It did not end well for anyone, but it really hurt his mother. 

“Sirius, I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I want to keep you safe. And that means staying on the island.” She paused, letting her words sink in. Sirius itched to look at the clock, but it was behind him, and any indication of his fear would only make this worse. So he stared at her bracelet. “Sirius, show me your arm.” 

Sirius slowly brought out his arm and pulled down the sleeve. There lay a pink scar running down his arm, from his wrist to his elbow like a valley. She put her finger on it, and her long black nail ran across it. His father had done it- the only one on the island with a wand. The spell was done so the scar could never fade, and it could still ache if his mother wanted it to. Now, Sirius felt the fire inside like the spell had just been cast, but after so much practice he has learned to hide his pain. 

“There’s so much more of this outside this island. If you go, then people will find you and force you to bring them here, and then we will all be found. We will not be found, do you understand me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Say it, Sirius.” 

He forced himself to swallow, even though he had no saliva left. It was the only thing to keep him from screaming. “We will not be found.” 

She lifted off her black nail, and the pain alleviated immediately. The relief was so immense he almost felt giddy. 

“You cannot endanger this family, Sirius,” she said cooly. “I do not want you going out tonight.” 

“I won’t, mother.” 

She smiled for the first time. “Thank you, Sirius.” She put her hand on his shoulder. It was still cold from her time outside. “I love you. I just want you to be safe.” 

“I love you too, mother.” 

“I’ll be making dinner tonight. Your father brought home rice. It’s a special night.” 

“Okay.” And with that she left, just as smoothly as she came in. 

In the silence, Sirius allowed himself to think: how, exactly, would him leaving the island endanger his family? The mainlanders know it exists, and judging by his book on England’s great imperialistic mission, he doesn’t think they’d be too hostile if he ever meets them. 

Five years ago, when Sirius was fifteen and his arm was still smooth, he asked his father that question. What lies on the other side of the waters? 

Danger, he said. Bad people. People who want to steal his magic, and steal Sirius’ life. 

Neither Sirius nor his brother could do magic like his parents. His father kept a wand on him at all times, but his mother, though undoubtedly magical, kept her magic to herself. Sirius didn’t have a wand, or any books about magic at all, but he did learn nonverbal magic. He could do most charms easily, and transfigure things without a second thought. His parents trained him and his brother to duel, and how to master their magic. They learned their magic was precious and to be protected. Maybe that’s why his family had to flee to this island. Maybe his parents were the only magical people, besides for the stranger with the knife. 

That stranger was definitely a wizard. They could turn frogs to stone and could ride away on something that looks like a broomstick. (Sirius refuses to humor the possibility that the stranger flew away on a literal broomstick.) They were looking for something, too. Something important. Something Sirius probably had. 

Sirius broke his promise and went outside that night. He snuck around the castle and stayed close to the walls so he couldn’t be seen by the window. It had been one full moon cycle since the person flew in. They probably would not have noticed that, but it had to mean something. A waning gibbous has to mean something. 

He was right. 

The figure flew through the sky again, this time circling the island before choosing a spot on the southern shore. Sirius sprinted through the tall grass and over the ruins too stubborn to decay. (He wore his thick boots just for this reason.) They ran into each other in the thicker part of the forest, almost bumping heads. 

“Hey!” Sirius cried in alarm. The person tried to push past, but Sirius grabbed onto his shoulders. 

Sirius did not expect the stranger to be this strong (or maybe he should have, but didn’t have the time). They grabbed Sirius and changed their positions, so Sirius was pushed against a tree with enough force to knock some fruit down. The stranger pushed their forearm against his throat. Not enough pressure to suffocate him, but enough to keep him down and afraid. Sirius noticed that, even this close, he could not see the stranger’s face. He must be wearing a mask underneath that cloak. Or maybe it’s enchanted. 

After the longest minute of Sirius’ life, the stranger eased the stress on his throat but did not let go. “What do you want?” 

“You’re looking for something and I can help you,” Sirius rushed. 

The stranger scoffed. “How do you know?” 

Sirius paused. He should really think his answers through more. “You have to be here for something,” he stuttered. Sirius had never heard himself stutter before. “What do you need?” 

The stranger stood silently, unmoving. Sirius couldn’t make out any sort of expression whatsoever. 

“Acronite.” 

“What?” 

“I need acronite. You know what that is?” 

“It’s a plant with blue leaves that can be used in potions for-” 

“Exactly, ten points for you.” He lowered his arm and stepped back. This time he didn’t take out any weapon, which helped Sirius catch his breath. “It grows on this island?” 

“Yes. I can get you three pounds of it in five days.” 

Sirius caught the stranger’s almost inaudible sigh of relief. “And you do know what acronite is?” 

“I’ve studied all the plants here. I know what grows here.” Sirius crossed his arms. This was the moment he had been preparing for. _This_ is what he rehearsed in his bathroom mirror. “Meet me on the southernmost tip of the island in five days, midnight.” 

The stranger tilted their head as their hand went inside their cloak, probably for their wand. “You want something.” 

“I want you to take me to the mainland.” 

_“What?”_

“The mainland. You take me there, I get you acronite. Is that a deal?” 

The stranger examined their options. Sirius let himself feel the full wave of pride he had tasted the month before. There was no way the stranger could refuse. 

At last, they stepped up and put their hand in front of Sirius. He stared at it, unsure of what to do.  
  


“Shake my hand.” 

“Oh.” Sirius took their hand gently, and the stranger shook at with a firm grasp. They were wearing leather gloves. Sirius noticed the stranger had almost no skin showing at all. 

“It’s a deal, then.” They unstripped the weapon on their back. 

“Oh, oh my goodness-” Sirius stepped back in shock. “That’s a real broomstick?” 

The stranger looked down at it, double checking. “Uh, yeah?” 

“Do you use that for sweeping?” 

“What? No, why would I do that? I paid good money for this thing.” The stranger walked past Sirius again, going towards the shore. “Go home, kid. I’ll see you in five days.” 

“I’m not a kid.” 

“Okay, kid.” 

Sirius watched the stranger walk away, and seconds later saw them soaring past the sea. 

“Oh my goodness, that really is a broomstick.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah thank you for reading :) im probably going to change the title of this mess like 7 times so if yall have any ideas drop it in the comments 
> 
> im on tumblr! proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	2. The Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After five days of preparation, Sirius leaves the island.

The first morning after the stranger’s second appearance, Sirius woke up at four in the morning. Aconite bloomed at dawn, so it was best picked when the sun was still rising. That way the magical properties could best be harvested for potions. 

He barely slept. The stranger arrived at eleven that night, leaving Sirius with five hours of tossing and turning that eventually morphed into wide-awake scheming. There was definitely a good amount of native aconite on the island, but three pounds? He would have to grow that himself. 

Five days. At four in the morning, Sirius had one hundred and sixteen hours until his escape. He had a lot of work to do. 

Sirius left the castle in the same clothes he met the stranger in. He stuffed gardening gloves, shears, and glass jars in his cloak pockets, praying nothing would break as he walked to the eastern edge of the island with a lantern in hand. He hid packets of herbs in his boots and ignored the discomfort. Maybe he could use them to speed up the growth, but Sirius was never very good at magical gardening. Looks like he will have to learn. 

The eastern tip of the island used to be a commercial strip with a grocery store, a pharmacy, and a bank, but the waves from the hurricane stole most of the brick and stone that gave the street culture and form. Now, seventy years later, all that’s left is crumbling walls slashed through like a child’s hair when they tried to cut it themselves. Vines held a tight grip on the walls like they were trying to push it down and overcome all memory of human life. There were a few burnt spots on the ground left over from wildfires. This was the portion of the island Sirius avoided the most. Sometimes, if he closed his eyes and listened without question, he thinks he can hear how the street is supposed to sound: children running through the streets, chatter among sales people as they pitch their latest inventory. Just the sight of crumbling store signs sends chills down Sirius’ spine and pulls him back like a leash. 

Of course this is where aconite grows best. 

Sirius stood on top of a fallen log and held out his lantern. Between bricks and embedded in the vines, blue aconite flowers stood out like fireflies in the dark. Their flowers were already starting to close again- aconite was such a fragile yet dangerous plant. A touch of their leaves in bloom could send poison straight into your bloodstream, like a termite digging through wood. Sirius needed to act fast. If the leaves closed, it would be ten times harder to harvest for potions. And Sirius isn’t going to give his stranger sub-par aconite. He was raised proper. 

He softly placed his lantern on top of the nearest wall. Surprisingly, it didn’t fall. Aconite grew best upright, so Sirius would need to cut very carefully through the vine. He put on his gardeners gloves and began snipping, catching each bundle into a glass jar. By the time the sun had fully appeared above the horizon, Sirius had caught a wall’s full of aconite. Should add up to at least half a pound, right? 

Sirius has a  _ lot  _ of work to do. 

With his half pound of aconite stuffed in his pockets (which, later, he would learn was actually a quarter pound), Sirius picked up his lantern and walked home by the coast. This early in the morning, the sun beams danced across the water, like the ocean was reaching up and trying to take back the star. Does the water look this lively on the mainland? Is it as clear as home? 

Of course it is, Sirius tells himself. His (one) fiction book about ocean travelers describes it like a living god. What he is more concerned about is seeing it in person. 

He sneaks into the castle by climbing in the bathroom window. (He’s getting a bit too big for this.) In his bedroom, he hides the gardening supplies under his mattress and tears down every book he owns on potions and magical plants from his shelves. There’s not much, but he flips each one to the aconite diagrams and detailed harvesting tips and properties of aconite. The books take up the entire desk opened like this, but Sirius doesn’t mind. He studies better this way. He took out his favorite observation journal and his quick-drying ink and wrote down every important fact and detail necessary. After an hour of diligence, Sirius had two long sheets giving him his ticket to the mainland. 

To grow five pounds of aconite in five days (now one hundred and fourteen hours) with peak properties, new seeds must be planted and tended to with optimal care, plus some magical handiwork. At six in the morning, running on no sleep, Sirius hid all his books under his bed (with pages marked) and left for the third time to start his garden. 

Garden sounds too innocent to describe what he will be doing. Some of the techniques Sirius will be using are probably illegal or at least questionable on the mainland. But if he doesn’t mess this up, no one will have to know. 

First step: Sirius climbed out his bathroom window again and ran towards the eastern shore, back to the ruins. Aconite grows in the east, so that’s where he would need to plant. He ripped off the vines on a crumbling wall and replaced it with his own rope and used soil and some wandless spellwork to keep it intact. He snipped the roots off his full bundles and placed it carefully on his hanging structure. After adding his homemade fertilizer made with old herbs, other plant roots, and a tad bit of growth potion, Sirius admired his work. He felt like a father. It looked pretty close to the diagrams in his textbooks. Now he needed to wait. 

The second morning, Sirius woke up as soon as the sky turned from black to a very dark violet and ran to the eastern shore to collect more aconite. If he couldn’t grow it, he’d collect as much as he could. The stranger’s fault was that they were looking in the center of the island, where mushrooms and berries grew. This is why they needed Sirius. This is why he slept for five hours and went on forbidden runs before the sun rose. 

He had grown more diligent with his cutting with practice. He learned to cut twice as many bundles as yesterday. When his garden was beginning to sprout, he returned with more enchanted herbs and his brother’s songbook, stolen when Regulus was bathing. Sirius was rotten at music, and he spent a full hour last night learning how to read the notes alone, but he sang the earthly hymns while tending the saplings and hoped he did something right. He snipped the roots off his new collection, added it to the garden, and snuck back inside the castle in time to pretend he was asleep. 

That night, he dreamt of running. There was an empty cobblestone street that he’d only seen in pictures before. No trees or ruins or debris anywhere, only open air and clouds that blocked out the moon. When he stopped to catch his breath, a knife soared past his head. He could feel the air brush past him. It was cold. 

Behind him was a group of muggles. That’s what his parents had described them as. The non-magical people that hunted wizards for sport. That drank their blood in hopes of catching the magic inside. They were holding lanterns fueled by coal instead of a spell, and they held kitchen knives and other normally harmless objects because they didn’t have magic to fight with. 

Sirius had heard hundreds of stories of these people before. These are the people that forced his family onto the island. His mother had described them in great detail five years ago. Sirius can still feel the way she was pulling on his hair like a cat’s tail. When he had tried to run away. 

If the muggles ever find him- if they knew he was Sirius Black, of the ancient Black manor, the heir to the fortune- they’d steal him away and send mobs for his family. 

He woke up at seven thirty, his neck still cold from where the knife had flown past. 

Dreams like this may have scared off anyone else from the mainland. But Sirius was only fueled with determination when he awoke. The stranger was a wizard- maybe they would understand his dilemma. They could show him the wizarding communities and spells to ward off muggles. The idea gave him comfort, but couldn’t ease his anxiety. So in the second afternoon after the stranger’s second encounter, Sirius planned a disguise. 

All of Sirius’ clothes were handmade by his mother with fabric bought from his father. Most of his wardrobe were long, flowing robes that other wizards were wearing in the few pictures his parents had. He hoped his clothes weren’t dated for mainland wizards. But they definitely were too extravagant compared to muggle fashions (guessing by the same pictures). Sirius needed something more lowkey. Something to blend in with. 

Sirius took his least favorite robe- a brown one with cuffed sleeves, a frilled collar, and fell down to his toes- and went to work. He teared off the frills, hemmed the bottom, and undid all the particular sewing his mother had done to loosen up each seam. He tried some color changing spells until he decided on a simple black. After switching the glossy silver buttons for dull black ones that blended into the fabric, Sirius had himself as inconspicuous of a robe as possible. As an afterthought, he lined the inside and outside with multiple pockets, too many to count. It’s not like he had a bag to carry things at the moment. Plus, he was used to having his few belongings on his person at all times. It was practical. 

Sirius could taste his escape. Wearing the robe, he could feel the sea salt rushing through his hair as he flew away from the island. He was close. He was preparing. He was almost ready. And this time, it won’t be like five years ago. He has a  _ get-away driver  _ (a new term he learned from his second fiction book). 

The third morning, Sirius left as soon as the first sunbeam peaked out with pockets sagging from pounds of protective herbs and enchanted fertilizers. He had to hold his pockets in his fists as he ran so their jars wouldn’t bump into his knees and shatter. He sang perfected hymns as he tended to the growing aconite. Already after three days, the hanging structure was splattered with blue flowers and tangled leaves when in full bloom. He had a pound and a quarter collected. Hopefully, in ninety two hours, Sirius would have enough to give the stranger. 

He had the nightmare again. That’s okay. He shakes it off. Most of the aconite had fully bloomed today, thanks to the quick spellwork. It was too late to back off. 

Sirius decided he needed to learn how to defend himself. 

That night, his father was making himself comfortable after dinner with a new book he bought for himself at the market by the fire. This was the best time to talk to him. Normally an active and stoic man, his father dropped that persona past seven thirty in the evening and replaced it with a relaxed and slightly-less-stoic-but-still-indifferent demeanor. Sirius approached him with words that he had rehearsed five minutes prior. 

“Father,” he began. He looked over his glasses at his son. “I want to ask you something.” 

“Will this be quick?” he asked, eyes back on his book. 

“Yes, father.” 

His father closed the book but kept his finger inside. “What are you asking, Sirius?” 

“I want to know how you defended yourselves against the muggles on the mainland.” 

His father raised his eyebrows at him- the first real sign of acknowledgement. Once his surprise passed, he took off his reading glasses and placed them on top of his book on the coffee table. “What makes you interested, Sirius?” 

“I’m reading the new history books you gave me, father. They are talking about the beginning of the Statute of Secrecy in the seventeenth century, when wizards had to hide because the muggles were becoming jealous.” 

“That’s right, Sirius.” 

“I’m wondering what exactly you had to do to protect yourself when the Statute could not.” 

“That’s a good question.” Sirius felt his shoulders relax. That was all he had prepared. He had gotten through, and his father wasn’t suspicious yet. He might be proud, in fact. 

His father rose from the couch and took out his wand that was still strapped to his thigh. “Come with me outside. I’ll show you some of what we did.” Sirius followed his father out, careful to stay behind as to hide his excitement. 

They stood not far from the castle, in a clear area with a steady breeze that usually preceded rain. Clouds covered what little was left of the sun. It would be dark soon, but nothing could hurt them. The island gave them the best security one could ask for. (Sirius was not going to jeopardize that for his family.) 

“First: the fighting stance.” His father spaced his feet just wider than hip width, and faced Sirius with his full body. He held his wand out but kept his arm close to his body- the exact position the stranger had been in. If only he had a knife and patched robes, and there wouldn’t be a difference. “From here, you have best use of your wand while also keeping yourself balanced and guarded against surprise attacks.” Sirius copied his father’s position. Though he didn’t have a wand, he kept his palms open, ready for casting wandless magic.

“What about spells?”

His father nodded- the closest he could get to a smile. “The best spell to use first is  _ stupefy.”  _

“The stunning spell.” 

“Yes. If you add a turn of wand like so, you can inflict a permanent effect.” His father casted the spell, sparks flying from his wand in a spiral and landing on a passing dragonfly. It paused in mid-air and dropped soundlessly onto a patch of leaves. If Sirius had not bent over to look, he wouldn’t have seen it’s frail wings and body turn gray. 

Just like the frog had last month. 

“It turned to stone…” 

“Yes,” his father said. Sirius was surprised- he didn’t realize he was loud enough to be heard. “A very strong spell, it will take hours of practice before mastery. It’s getting dark, but there’s more spells you should see. Find me a frog.” 

It wasn’t hard. The northern shore was very muddy, so Sirius was able to find a frog fairly easily. His father made him hold it far in front of him with an open palm. 

“Watch carefully, Sirius.” In a single, fluid motion of his wand, his father spoke the incantation.  _ “Crucio.”  _ The frog instantly became scorching hot so that Sirius had to drop it. It twitched on the ground, unable to control itself. It’s skin was turning blue, like it was suffocating. Sirius knew this spell. 

“The Cruciatus Curse.” It’s illegal on the mainland. 

“Yes, Sirius. There’s no way you can do it without a wand, but it was our most useful spell when facing the muggles.” 

“But it’s illegal.” 

“Not in war.” Sirius tore his eyes from the frog to face his father. Without emotion, his father crushed the frog under his boot. Sirius could hear it’s cry. “There’s more. We also used  _ sectumsempra,  _ which one of my friends invented for us. It was used to make the opponents bleed.” 

“Would they die?” 

“It would depend on who cast it.” 

His father had always been a tad unsettling to Sirius, but never like this before. Never had his father appeared so distant. It made Sirius’ stomach coil like snakes. “But it was necessary…” Sirius said, resisting the urge to make it a question.  _ Was it necessary?  _

He looked at Sirius with a hint of confusion. “Of course. Those spells saved our lives.” 

That reassurance didn’t do much for Sirius. If his father had to resort to such spells, then what could the muggles do? “That’s good.” 

“If only you had a wand. Come, Sirius, let’s go inside. It’s getting dark.” Sirius nodded and followed his father silently. 

The fourth morning, Sirius needed six jars from the kitchen to hold all the aconite he had collected over the days. He stole the scale from his kitchen and measured his harvest in the basement stairway, out of sight. It was hard to see in the dark, but the number sent adrenaline straight through his skin. 

_ Two point six pounds.  _ Most of which picked from full bloom. Adding what was still growing, he would have three pounds this time tomorrow. 

The realization scared him. Sirius was holding his ticket out of here. A ticket to freedom, and a ticket to destruction. What was it worth? 

Before the sun fully peaked, Sirius spent the chill dawn practicing defensive spells. His spells fell flat without a wand, but his incantations were improving. Maybe the stranger could teach him more. Maybe he could finally get a real wand. But that was if he could trust the stranger… 

After much consideration, Sirius decided that the best way to protect his family was for them to protect themselves. He needed to tell Regulus. 

Sirius pushed himself into Regulus’ bedroom and let the door bounce against the wall. He does this so often, there’s a dent in the wall from the doorknob. “What do you need, Sirius?” his brother asks, lying belly-down on his bed with a puzzle spread out in front of him. Sirius closes the door. At the click, Regulus flicks up. Sirius never closes the door. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

“Okay.” Regulus pushed himself up and moved his puzzle, careful to pick up every piece so they didn’t snap apart. Sirius pulled out the chair from his desk and sat directly across from him. They faced each other with the air of businessmen about to discuss serious matters. It was too old of a manner for them, being barely adults. That must be the effect of growing up isolated from other children.

“You cannot tell anyone what I’m about to say.” 

Regulus shrugged. “Who is there to tell?” 

“Our parents. You can’t  _ ever  _ tell them.” 

“Well, they’ll find out eventually.” 

This is what always irked Sirius about his brother. He was never able to match Sirius’ drama, even in casual times. Regulus liked to point out the plot holes in their make-believe games as children. It made for sour fun. But now it was cold water to the face. 

No matter how Sirius prepared, his parents are going to know he left. They wouldn’t even know if he was protecting them. 

Sirius inhaled, trying to refocus himself. “Regulus. Promise me you won’t say anything.” 

Regulus suddenly appeared concerned. “Fine. What do you need?” 

Sirius dropped his voice to a whisper. “I’m leaving the island.” 

First, Regulus gasped quietly, matching Sirius’ volume. He stared at him like he was covered in blood until he composed himself back to his original demeanor. “No, you’re not.” 

“You can’t stop me.” 

“I  _ mean  _ that there’s no way. How are you going to leave?” 

“I’ve met someone.” 

“Really? Are you mentally sound, Sirius?” 

Sirius threw himself back against the chair. “Of course I am. Listen to me.” 

“I am listening. You sound ridiculous.” Sirius leaned forward and grabbed Regulus’ knee, causing him to jerk back. 

“Regulus. A stranger flew to this island a few nights ago, and they’re going to take me away with them in exchange for three pounds of aconite. I already have more than two and the next pound will be ready for harvest by dawn. I’m leaving tomorrow at midnight.” 

Regulus’ skin grew pale with realization as he chewed on his lip. A sign Sirius was getting through to him. “Then you’ll be on the mainland by two days' time.” Sirius nodded. “Sirius…” Regulus pushed himself off the bed with a thump against the carpet. He paced the circumference of the room but made sure he kept his face away from Sirius. “You’re putting our whole family at risk.” 

Sirius got up and followed his brother. “I know. That’s why father taught me the spells he used against the muggles during the war. I modified one of my cloaks so I’d have a disguise. And the stranger is a wizard, so I can trust them-” 

“Are you sure?” 

“They can fly on a  _ broomstick,  _ Regulus, they’re a powerful wizard!  _ And  _ they can do nonverbal spells. They’re strong. A muggle can’t get two steps past that man.” 

Regulus snapped back and spoke in a tone that reminded Sirius this was supposed to be secret. “You do not know if they’re a blood traitor. You cannot trust someone who rides to a deserted island on a household item looking for poisonous plants.” 

“Then I can fight back.” 

“Okay, Sirius.” 

Sirius forced himself in front of Regulus and grabbed his shoulders so he couldn’t turn back around. “You need to help me, Reg. I’m almost ready to go and you can’t stop me. I’ll write to you everyday and get a house on the mainland for us-” 

“You know that will never work.”

Sirius’ struggled to restrain his voice as he tried not to strangle his brother. “You’re not listening! I’m going to get us off this island. But if you tell our parents  _ anything  _ before I leave I will summon every ghost on this island from the dead to end your life.” 

“Oh, like you’ve already mastered the basics of necromancy.” Regulus pulled himself away from him and back towards his bed to sulk. Sirius watched as he hovered a piece of his puzzle above the picture, thinking about where to put it. “I won’t tell them you planned it,” Regulus began after a long moment. “But you  _ have  _ to keep writing. We can’t have a muggle ambush.” 

“You could come with me.” Regulus shook his head. It was easy to forget he had been seventeen for only two months. 

“You know that’s not possible.” 

“It will be one day.” Sirius smiled. Regulus stared at the floor. Sirius could feel the coldness radiating off of him. 

_ “Don’t  _ mess this up, Sirius.” 

“I won’t.” 

“Fine.” 

The fifth morning, Sirius had nothing left to do. He collected the last of the aconite from the garden and put all his three and a half pounds into a large cloth bag his mother rarely used. In an old backpack Sirius found in the attic from his father’s mainland days, he stuffed some extra clothes, his books and journals, and enough parchment and ink for three months worth of letters to Regulus. For the first day in a month, he kept inside. No use for a nostalgia walk- he had stepped on every inch of this island three times over. He’s ready to set sail. 

At a quarter to midnight, Sirius put on his new cloak. The hood didn’t do much to cover his face like the stranger’s, but it played down his most defining features. (Usually he’d sulk about that, but he has other things on his mind.) He let his fingers slide across the railing of the staircase for the last time. The castle he might miss, but not for long. 

He took his usual route through the bathroom window. But this time, instead of the usual empty grass that stood in front of him, a figure was waiting by the window as he popped out. Sirius almost fell back, but the castle wall kept him from making a complete fool of himself. 

“Regulus?” 

Regulus stood wearing his day clothes, indicating he never slept that night. Normally he would never appear intimidating to Sirius, but in the dark with his arms crossed and purple circles under his eyes, he made Sirius jump out of his skin. “What are you doing?” Sirius spluttered. 

“I can’t let you go.” 

“Regu-” 

“No!” Regulus struck out his hand and Sirius saw, for the first time ever, a wand in it. Their father’s. “I can’t let you go.” 

Sirius put his hands up. “I’m not going to fight you.” 

“Then come back inside.” 

“You know I can’t do that.” With a step back, Regulus adjusted himself so that his wand arm was pointed at Sirius from afar. A rookie move- extending your arm was necessary for later in the battle, but your first priority in the beginning should always be defense and attacking the opponent far range. But Sirius’ didn’t say that. He reached for Regulus’ wand, but he was too soon. 

_ “Stupefy!”  _

Sirius ducked on instinct and the spell hit the wall and shattered like glass. It was Regulus’ first time with a wand- that wasn’t even his- and Sirius could see his hand shaking in the dark. 

“Quiet!” Sirius hissed, still ducked. Regulus didn’t respond- only repositioned his aim. Sirius only had one option. With his right hand in a full open palm, he cast the spell:  _ “Expelliarmus.”  _ Regulus’ wand flew away like a bird into Sirius’ hand. Instead of using it, he tucked it up his sleeve and raised his other hand for a second spell. Regulus, already catching his senses, grabbed that hand too. He made for a kick at his gut, but Sirius was able to pull back. He pushed Regulus down into the grass with a thud. 

_ “Silencio,”  _ Sirius cast with barely a movement. Regulus’ mouth opened and shut like a fish as he realised what had happened. “It’ll be gone when you wake up. Be glad it wasn’t a  _ stupefy.”  _ Regulus made for his legs, scratching like a cat, but Sirius kicked him in the face. (He would have made a funny noise if it wasn’t for the silencing charm.) The moon was directly above them now- Sirius was late. 

He took running across the coast and, as an afterthought, tossed his father’s wand behind him in the wind. His cloak billowed behind him- he had stretched it out too much, probably- and his hood flopped behind. By the time he reached the meeting point, Sirius was panting and his hair was mostly pulled out of the ponytail he hid it in. 

The stranger, of course, looked as suave as ever. Though in the same clothes as before, they leaned against a tree, watching Sirius run like a fool with interest. 

“You’re here,” they said. 

“I got the aconite.” The stranger stood straight, but Sirius put his hand up in warning. “Can I trust you?” 

“It’s a bit late to be asking that kind of question, don’t you think?” 

Sirius puffed air through his nose. The stranger had a point. He had  _ silencio _ -ed his only other option. “Fine.” He took out the bag filled with aconite and handed it to them. The stranger held out, weighing it, before looking inside. 

“Oh  _ shit,”  _ they said. “It’s perfect.” 

“And now for your end of the deal?” 

The stranger tucked the bag in a pocket of their cloak and undid their broomstick from their back. “Anywhere in particular?” 

“Wherever you’re going.” The stranger cocked his head at him. He was probably raising an eyebrow, too, but Sirius had no way to tell. “Just get me off this island.” 

“Okay, then.” The stranger swung their leg over the broomstick. (Sirius still couldn’t get over how it was a broomstick.) “I don’t have any harness or whatever, so you’ll just have to hold on.” 

_ “Hold on?”  _

“Yeah, kid, what were you expecting, a chariot?” Sirius bit back his tongue- a real feat in self-control- and approached the stranger. In a split-second realization, he stopped before getting behind. “Need help?” 

“You want me to just… wrap my arms around you?” 

“Tightly.” 

This is embarrassing to admit, but Sirius had never been that intimate with anyone before. Not even with his brother, and he had never seen his parents touch ever. Now with a complete stranger, with their bodies pressed together for survival? Sirius’ arms started to itch at the thought. But he didn’t say anything. He already knew this stranger was going to teach him a lot about keeping his tongue in check. 

Sirius got behind the stranger quickly.  _ Like ripping off a bandaid.  _ He tried to put his arms around them, but he was too slow apparently, and the stranger grabbed his hands and secured them tightly around themself. 

“Let go and you die.” 

And they took off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading loves! im really excited to share this one :) 
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr! proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	3. The Mainland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius arrives on the mainland.

Sirius forgot all about his family the second his feet left the ground. 

The sand was pulled out from beneath him but instead of falling, he and the stranger rose like birds. They grew higher than the trees and the castle, and flew south until Sirius had to crane his head back to see it. 

“Hey-  _ hang on!”  _

The wind threw back the stranger’s voice but Sirius caught the message when he felt himself slip back. With a yelp, he grabbed the stranger’s robes and pulled closer. Facing forward, he could see the endless sea ahead. It looked like a dark quilt being shaken below them. Sea salt was spitting in his face, just like he had imagined. It was  _ better  _ than he had imagined. Nothing in his books or journals could have warned him about the suffocating excitement he’d feel soaring above the ocean, or how broomsticks could fly miles high in the air. (Seriously- why had  _ no one  _ told him broomsticks could fly?) 

Sirius tried to yell some questions at the stranger (“Where are we going? What’s your name? How much longer until we reach the mainland?”) but the wind droned him out, so they flew in silence. He didn’t mind: the scenery and the excitement and the running list of questions flying through Sirius’ mind kept him busy enough. When they could see the beginnings of the mainland, Sirius almost fell off the broomstick. 

_ There it was.  _ Right there- right in front of him, was what he grew three and a half pounds of aconite for. This is what we practiced defensive spells for, what he ruined fancy robes for, what he  _ silencio- _ ed his brother for. 

“There!” Sirius cried. He didn’t expect the stranger to hear again, but his pointing gave it away. 

“The mainland!” the stranger screamed. “Another thirty minutes!” 

“Thirty?” 

_ “What?”  _ Sirius gave up. 

Those thirty minutes were the longest, yet most mesmerizing of Sirius’ life. The mainland became larger and larger, and with every minute he could make out new details: some distinct trees, a line of houses, a pier to the east, and chimneys emitting slow smoke. But the goal made Sirius realize each passing minute. He was surprised each time he glanced to his right and saw no rising sun. But the time came when he could make out the sand, and they flew across the coast without touching down. Sirius was laughing against himself, but really, what was he meant to do? 

When they finally touched down, Sirius’ knees were wobbly from sitting on a stick for so long.  _ It’s not too different from the island,  _ he thinks. The sand felt the same under his boots, and the water still captured the moonlight in the same way. But the main difference was the drumming of his heart and what lay beyond the coast. 

“So, you can let go now.” 

Sirius realised suddenly that he was still holding on to the stranger. He pulled away, and immediately felt the strange sensation of mainland air on his chest. Was it warmer, or is that just his blood rushing?

The stranger strapped the broomstick back on their back, then pushed down their hood. For the first time, Sirius could see their face clearly, without a mask of darkness. 

Sirius first noticed the scars. (It might be rude, but it’s only honest.) One was drawn across the bridge of his nose in a jagged curve that ran to both cheekbones. Three more scars trailed down from the side of his face to his neck before hiding under his robes, like a claw scratch. Each one stood out like moonlight silver against his pale skin. They caught your eye like stop signs. But by the way the stranger holds himself- he’s fairly certain the stranger is a  _ him  _ now- he really doesn’t care. 

Above the scars, the stranger has brown hair that falls across his forehead in waves. He pushes it back- the hood had probably messed it up- but that only emphasizes it’s natural curls. His eyes had a glint to them, but it was hard to see this far away in the dark. It made Sirius squint. This stranger is composed of contradictions already. It’s really interesting to look at- Sirius had spent all twenty years of his life staring at people who he shared his perfect genetics with. But this stranger’s traits were messy, humble, and everything his parents never were. 

He turns to Sirius, who had stepped back after reaching land. “Hey, kid,” he says, “what’s your name?” 

That’s a good question. 

Should he give him a fake name? It was unlikely this random person remembered his family by name, but would telling him draw suspicion? Arguably  _ not  _ giving his name is more suspicious, but it was the one thing Sirius forgot to prep for. 

Sirius opted for a different route. “I told you, I’m not a kid.” 

The stranger shrugged. “Just a question. Listen, I have to bring this aconite to a friend’s.” 

“I’ll come,” Sirius offered. 

“How kind,” the stranger mumbled to himself. Sirius followed him deeper into the mainland rather than tell him he heard that. 

“Why do you need to see your friend?” 

“He needs the aconite.” 

“What for?” 

“You’re asking a lot of questions for someone who refuses to tell me their name.” Despite the annoyance, the stranger kept the conversation while staring directly in front of him, like he was talking to a ghost rather than a human. “I’m going to call you Oliver.” 

Sirius stopped walking, but picked up pace when he realized the stranger wouldn’t wait for him to finish his dramatic pause. “Why Oliver?” 

“Because I need to call you something and you strike me as the Oliver type.” 

“What makes you think I’m an Oliver?” 

“I just do.” The stranger sure did know how to end conversations. 

“What’s your name, then?” 

“I’ll tell you later.” 

_ He’s not very talkative,  _ Sirius thinks. For the rest of their walk, which surprisingly wasn’t that long, Sirius observed as much as he could about his stranger. (Well, now that he saw his face, the stranger didn’t seem so strange anymore. He should call him something else, now. His partner? No, that’s too affectionate. Acquaintance will do.) 

The acquaintance walked with his eyes focused on the ground. Sirius wondered if it would cause him to trip or walk into one of the trees, but he never did. He seemed to be an equally balanced man. He couldn’t be much older than Sirius, but he did have a premature gray streak around his temples. His cloak was patched in odd places, like ripped his clothes a bit too often to be fair. Was he homeless? Sirius didn’t want to be in the hands of a homeless person. But, then again, Sirius is now homeless, too. There’s no more castle to protect him. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

After about fifteen minutes, the acquaintance led them to a small town. Just the silhouette of the houses from afar was enough to take Sirius’ breath away. It was like the eastern coast of the island used to be before the hurricane, except more lively. There was a paved street and, on either sides, small houses compacted together. Large lanterns hung overhead on the corners, illuminating the whole street with dim purple light. Sirius couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It was way smaller than he imagined, and tucked into a dense wood, but the sight made Sirius check his pulse. 

He’s here. The mainland. 

“Does your friend live here?” Sirius asked tentatively, wonder restricting his voice. 

“A way down.” Sirius nodded, his attention caught by one of the lanterns above. It made their shadows look huge. “Do you like it?” 

“It’s amazing…” 

“Huh.” Sirius turned to his acquaintance. He was looking at Sirius curiously. “Is this your first time off the island?” 

Sirius hesitated. “Yes. But I don’t want to tell anyone yet.” 

He shrugged. “I can keep a secret.” He kept walking, undisturbed by Sirius’ ask. Sirius thought he might be familiar with secrets. 

“Thank you.” He shrugged and glanced at Sirius with a small smile on his face. It was barely anything, but more expression Sirius had seen. 

They walked until they passed a large storefront on a corner. It had a large window, but it was hard to see inside because of the dark. The sign read  _ POTTER’S POTIONS  _ in elegant font. The acquaintance went straight to the front door and pulled out a ring of keys from his cloak. (How many things does he have in there?)

“Is this your friend’s shop?” He nodded. “Do you work here?” 

“No, but I’m here often enough,” he responded with a hint of bitterness. He was casual enough about it, though, so it might have been a joke. (Sirius needs to learn about jokes, now…) After trying a few different keys, the door popped open and they went inside. He turned on the lights, and Sirius could see everything the dark had obscured. 

The walls were filled floor to ceiling with shelves containing different herbs, droughts, plants, and anything needed for brewing potions. On the floor, different cauldrons and tools Sirius had only seen mad scientists use sat in mint condition. Some plants with leaves and flowers that fell from wicker baskets hung from the ceiling for decoration. The desk in the far corner had a shelf offering small candies and a sign that told customers to  _ always wear their protective gear when handling monster parts!  _ In the back, a door was open and a bit of light was seeping out. The acquaintance was heading right towards it with the aconite in hand. 

“Lily!” he called. Not a second later, a woman wearing brewer’s robes stepped through. As soon as she saw the bag in his hand, her hand flew to her mouth in surprise. 

“Is that it?” she asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Remus! That’s wonderful!” She quickly filled the gap between them with a hug. The acquaintance recuperated with the same excitement, which Sirius wasn’t expecting. 

“Remus?” Sirius said to himself. Was that his name? At least he doesn’t have to be the acquaintance. There’s a name to the stranger now. 

The woman- Lily, it suits her- noticed him, and her excitement dimmed. “Who’s this?” 

“That’s Oliver,” Remus supplied with a smirk. Sirius only caught it because he was glaring. “He helped me find it.” 

“Oh, that’s good. That’s good.” Lily pulled herself apart from Remus after what must have been two minutes. A pair of goggles hung around her neck. She must have been wearing them before she walked in, because there was a strange line left around her eyes. Those eyes, of course, were different. Everyone in his family had the same grey eyes, so it never occurred to Sirius that people can have anything other. Lily’s eyes were a piercing green like summer grass after the rain. She had cherry red hair pulled into a bun that must have been neat before she ran her hands through it a hundred times. 

She approached Sirius with her hand stretched out, ready with a handshake from across the floor. When Sirius reached his hand out in return, she grabbed it and pulled him into a hug instead. The last time Sirius hugged someone was his brother, and they were hiding in the dark basement together five years ago and it lasted ten seconds. “Thanks so much, Oliver.” She quickly pulled back to introduce herself. “I’m Lily.” 

“Did you already start?” Remus asked, peeking into the back room. 

“I did!” Lily quickly refocused on Remus, leaving Sirius to come to terms with sudden physical contact peacefully. “I just wanted the base done before you came. I’m making just a tiny portion first, so we can test it.” Before she went inside, she stopped and turned to Sirius. “Would you like to stay the night?” 

Sirius blinked. “Excuse me?” 

“We have a spare room, if you’d like. You must come from afar if you know aconite so well-” Sirius’ blood turned cold, like someone dropped ice in it. “So you’re free to spend some time with us.” 

“Oh.” Sirius pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth so he could speak again. He glanced at Remus, who took the message. 

“It’s too late for Oliver to be heading back. Plus, he wants to see the city.” 

Lily waved him off. “Oh, there’s nothing to see ‘round here. Come!” 

The backroom was a brewery, with one cauldron set up above a fire. A strange assortment of mixing spoons, chopped herbs, and various knives laid on the table next to her in a cluttered mess. The room itself was much homier than the shop, with green wallpaper and pictures of Lily with what must be her husband and a baby. 

“Let me see the aconite,” Lily said, placing herself in front of the cauldron. Remus handed it to her and she grabbed a pair of gloves from the wall. When she opened it, her hand flew to her mouth again. “It’s perfect!” She tossed it in the air lightly, though it still made Sirius jump. “Three pounds of it- Oliver!” She would have hugged him again, but there was a cauldron in her way. Sirius was content with that. He was still standing by the doorway, anyway. Remus turned and waved him over, forcing him to fully enter the room. 

Lily talked as she crushed aconite. “Oliver, thank you so much for this. You have to spend the night now, I’m repaying the favor.” 

Sirius shrugged. “You’re welcome.” 

Lily sweeped in the aconite and picked up a long silver mixing spoon from her table and began stirring the cauldron. It released a light blue mist about half a foot in the air. She pushed the fumes into her face to smell it before frowning. “The herbs need to dissolve more in the drought before I can add anything else.” 

“And how long will that take?” 

“Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be all set before you wake up.” 

Remus sighed. All the stress on his face dissolved. “Thank you, Lily.” 

Lily looked up from her cauldron with a concerned yet loving manner. “Remus, don’t mention it.” She gave him another side hug before focusing on her potions again. “Why don’t you go upstairs and show Oliver where he can spend the night?” 

“Don’t you need help-?” 

“Remus if you tried to help me this entire potion would be boiling on the floor and ruining my new tiles.” Sirius laughed at that, causing Remus to roll his eyes and Lily to say, “He’s done it before!” 

“Fine. I’ll see you in the morning, Lily.” 

“Night, love.” 

Remus motioned for Sirius to follow him up a staircase hidden behind a door. It led to a cozy upstairs apartment. “I can sleep on the couch,” Remus said. “There’s a spare bedroom over here.” He led Sirius to a small room down the hallway. It was much,  _ much  _ smaller than Sirius’ bedroom on the island. It was as long as the twin size bed, and half of the empty space was filled by the vanity. It was simple. 

“It’s great,” Sirius said. He was honest. Looking at it, Sirius could reconcile himself in this world of simple living with great friends. Lily is already a riot. Remus is slower to warm up to, but he has his moments. 

“Your name is Remus?” 

“Yes, I have a name after all.” 

“It suits you.” 

“I’ve heard.” Remus shook his head. He probably wasn’t lying, but he didn’t sound malicious at all. Mostly tired. Slightly amused. “Do you need anything?” 

“I’ll be okay. Thank you.” 

“See you in the morning.” Remus nodded and closed the door behind him, leaving Sirius alone in his cupboard of a bedroom. He took off his backpack and stared at himself in the mirror for the first time. He still looked exactly the same as he did on the island. Maybe here, he could grow out his hair like he always wanted to. His mother would never let him grow his bangs past his ears, and he always needed to wear it slicked back with gel. ( _ Who do I need to impress?  _ Sirius had asked her once. He didn’t get a chance to ever voice that opinion again.) Now, he was free to grow it past his shoulders like he always wanted. The hope made him giddy as he pulled his hands through his hair. 

  
  
  


Sirius woke up first. The rising sun told him it must be just after six in the morning. After fussing a bit too much on his hair, he stepped out of the bedroom softly. The door to the bedroom across the hall was open, so he could see a bed with tangled sheets. In the living room, Remus was still asleep on the couch with nothing but a blanket tossed over him. Without his usual cockiness, Remus appeared rather unintimidating for a change. Sirius heard some light noise coming from the left- probably the kitchen, but as it was behind the staircase he had never seen it. Inside was the man from Lily’s pictures: a dark skinned man with hair that appeared to have been shocked. He sat at the kitchen table in his pajamas next to a baby that looked strikingly like him. The baby was trying to eat, but it hadn’t developed enough hand-eye coordination to pick up the cereal in front of it, so the father was left to help and give encouraging words. Sirius couldn’t hear much, but it was nice to see. 

The father took a while to notice Sirius, but once he did he almost shot out of his chair. The child didn’t mind Sirius’ presence. 

“Who the  _ fuck  _ are you?” he exclaimed, grabbing the table so he wouldn’t lose balance. Sirius was shocked in place. The man just blinked at him instead of doing anything. He would be terrible in a fight. 

The ruckus had woken Remus. He pushed himself onto his elbows with a groan, eyes barely open. “What’s going on?” he slurred. 

“Who. The  _ fuck.  _ Are you?” the man asked again. 

“That’s Oliver,” Remus mumbled. 

_ “Who?”  _

“Calm down.” 

“There’s a  _ stranger  _ in my  _ home, Remus,  _ I know this might not  _ disturb you  _ but I have-” The man’s rant was cut short by his son banging on it’s tray, demanding more food. He immediately grabbed the box of cereal and poured more, completely forgetting about Sirius. 

“He’s a friend, he helped me get the aconite,” Remus said, already dropping his face into the couch. 

“Oh, you got the aconite?” 

“Yeah, I did.” Remus managed to still sound pleased with himself half-asleep. (Nevermind Sirius did all the work actually finding the aconite.) 

“Dude! That’s great, good job!” He turned to his baby, who didn’t seem to care at all about the situation. Sirius admired that. “Isn’t that great, Harry? Isn’t it?” 

Remus groaned again. “Shut up.” 

“Uncle Re doesn’t like mornings,” he says to the baby. Harry- that’s it’s name. To Remus, he yells louder: “Get up, you arse, I’ll make you coffee.” Remus’ groan sounds more like a strangled scream into the couch. The man gets up and moves to the kettle. As he fills it up with water, he suddenly remembers Sirius, and points the kettle at him like a sword. 

“What’s your name, again?” 

Sirius had already made himself a fixture in this home. He might as well tell the truth. “My name is Sirius.” 

“Be serious.” 

“I am. My name is Sirius.” 

The man frowned and turned off the tap he was filling the kettle with. “How do you spell that?” Sirius spelled it out for him as Remus got up and sat at the table. He looked like a mess, and Sirius had to keep himself from smiling. 

“No, you’re Oliver,” Remus said. 

“I never told you my name is Oliver. You just bestowed that upon me.” 

The man turned to Remus with an accusing look after he put the kettle on the stove. “Remus, did you never ask this poor man what his name was?” 

“Of course I did, he just didn’t want to tell me and I have to call him something.” He picked up the yellow fork Harry had abandoned and pointed it at Sirius. “But apparently you’ll tell James your entire life story before me.” He turned to Harry with a fake pout. “At least you love me, Harry.” 

“Stop being so dramatic,” Sirius said. 

“That’s just Remus,” the man said, sitting back down and patting his son on the head. “I’m James, by the way, and this is Harry.” 

“How old is he?” 

“Eight months,” James said. “It’s been quite a ride, yeah, Harry?” Harry baa-ed again. He seemed to behave more like a sheep than anything. Sirius has never seen a baby before. His own baby pictures are stored away, and in them he was never allowed to be this messy. Before Sirius could respond, he heard footsteps banging up the stairs and stepped out of the way just in time before Lily swung open the door. She looked exactly the same as the night before, just more exhausted. 

“The base is ready,” she said. Both James and Remus jumped up. 

“I’ll add the rest,” James said, already pushing past. He paused in front of Lily to place her hand on his shoulder. “Go get some rest. I can handle it.” 

“I’ve left all the instructions out for you,” she replied. 

“I know. You’re the best.” 

“And wear the gloves, I don’t want you getting sick again-” 

“Get some rest, woman, before I throw you in the bed, okay?” Lily nodded and, after waving at Sirius and Remus, went down the hall. 

“Let me come,” Remus offered, following James out the door. 

“I got it, Remus! You worry too much. Have some breakfast-” 

“Let me do something-” The ringing of the kettle stopped Remus and gave Sirius something other than the intense conversation to focus on. 

James took a deep inhale through his nose. “Have some coffee, yeah?” Remus nodded and James disappeared down the stairs. He took the kettle off the stove and began pouring the coffee into the small mugs James had taken out. Tentatively, Sirius sat by the table. Harry was looking at him. He was a very calm baby, content with observing his every move. It made Sirius feel uneasy. How much did this baby know? 

“How do you take your coffee?” Remus asked. 

“I’ve never had coffee before.” 

Remus turned around quickly, spilling a bit of coffee on the counter. “What?” 

“I’ve never tried it.” 

Remus shook his head. “You’re so sheltered,” he mumbled to himself. He took out a carton of milk and poured a splash, then added sugar cubes from a box next to the kettle. He placed the mug in front of Sirius. “It’s a bit strong at first, so I added milk and sugar.” The steam smelled strong, like burnt toast. Not that appealing. Remus sat down on the other end of the table with his own mug. Sirius noticed he hadn’t added anything to his coffee yet. 

This was the first time Sirius could see him in the daylight up close. The glint in his eyes that he noticed in the dark turned out to be streaks of hazel in the morning. They were a normal brown except for the golden rim, which looked slightly unhuman. But they were offset by a collection of freckles across his nose, a curls that he pushed back but still crowned his ears. 

_ Not half bad,  _ Sirius thought. Could use some proper clothes, though. 

Sirius picked up his mug. It burned his hands, but Remus was already drinking so it couldn’t be that bad. He took his first sip. Despite the milk and sugar, it tasted exactly how it smelled: burnt toast. But Sirius had manners and swallowed it anyway. Remus could see his disgust. 

“Want some milk?” 

“Please.” 

Remus shook his head and went up to get the milk again. When he returned, Sirius remembered a question he had been meaning to ask. 

“What kind of potion are they making?” 

Remus froze for a millisecond. Sirius would have missed it if he hadn’t been looking for a reaction. “Something new,” he answered. “Lily’s a potion master and makes medicines for hospitals sometimes. She’s looking for…” Remus took a sip of his coffee. “Remedies.” 

“What for?” 

“I don’t know. It’s secret, probably.” Remus drank his coffee again. He’s been drinking rather quickly. “Do you want some eggs? I can make eggs.” 

“Okay.” 

“Great.” Remus left his coffee at the table as he began busying himself. After they ate in silence and got ready for the day, Remus played a game involving thick, brightly colored clay with Harry. He tried to show it to Sirius, but it only stuck to his hands in a weird way. Harry was enjoying it, though. His little hands couldn’t mold the clay in many ways, but he delighted in throwing it across the room and making Remus go find it. At around eight o’clock, James came back up wearing stained brewer’s robes and goggles still plastered to his face. 

“I’m opening up the shop,” he said, prying the goggles off his face with a pop. “The potion looks good. I’ll be stirring in the aconite for the rest of the day, but it’s safe to sit for a while.” 

Remus sighed. Sirius could hear his muscles relax. “Thank you so much-” 

“But there’s one thing.” Remus immediately tightened again. Sirius had no stakes in this, but his heart still broke at the nervous tone in James’ voice. “The sopophorous beans. Lily pressed them last night so we’d have the juice, but for some reason I think it’s gone stale? Like, it’s thicker than it’s supposed to be, and it lays on top of the potion- ah, Re…” 

Remus lifted his head from where he had dropped it in his hands. His face was too emotionless to be genuine. James went over and put his hand on his shoulder, but he only leaned away. 

“It might still work! We don’t know if anything went wrong until we find the final product, or until Lily sees, she’ll know what to do. It’s not ruined yet, yeah? We can try again, right?” 

“Yeah, we’ll try again,” Remus said. “Fifth times the charm.” 

“Don’t be like that. Just another month, okay? And I promise, we’ll finish the potion-” 

A realization hit Sirius like a truck. His head snapped up, and his gasp was enough to alert the others. “I can help.” 

“How?” James asked optimistically. Remus still hung his head down, unchanged. 

“You need the juice from sopophorous beans. They have a thick shell-” 

“We know what a bean is, what’s your point?” said Remus. 

“The point is: I know what to do. I can grow them if given the right circumstances, and I know how to crush the juice because I’ve done it before to make sleeping potions. I grew all the aconite myself in five days, so I know I can do this.” 

“Wait, wait.” Remus held up his hand and looked up at Sirius. He did not look pleased. “How old are you?” 

Sirius was confused by the tone, but answered anyway. “I’m twenty years old.” 

“The  _ fuck?”  _ Remus said, astonished. “Merlin, I thought you were, like, sixteen-” 

“I’m not sixteen, I’ll be twenty-one in November.” 

Remus stared at James, who did not share his assumption. “We’re the same age?” 

“Yes, we’re the same age! And I can help you.” 

“Okay, okay, okay, let’s calm down, yeah? We’re all excited.” James picked up Harry, who had started to whine with distress. “Okay, there we go. Listen, Sirius, you have experience with sopophorous?” 

“Yes.” 

“Great! I trust you. Don’t you, Remus?” 

Remus still sat on the floor, biting his lip so that he left a trace of blood on his teeth. “Do you have anywhere to stay?” 

Sirius felt his face grow hot. “No…” 

“Where will you stay?” 

Sirius didn’t know what to say. He knew better than to outright ask to stay with Lily and James, but he didn’t have much other options. This apartment couldn’t fit all of them plus Harry. He had nowhere to go. 

“I have a small place,” Remus said after a moment of silence. “But you can’t stay long. I’m sorry, but it won’t work.” 

“I’ll need a few weeks to grow the sopophorous beans. You need me, I need you.” 

Remus sighed. “How long?” 

James raised his hand. “You’ll need to get better knives and growing equipment from Diagon Valley if you want to do them here, okay? Then growing and properly harvesting them could take about four weeks, maybe. You’ll need a bit of time.” 

Remus rubbed his temples. Exhaustion was radiating off of him. “Fine. Six weeks. You can stay with me for six weeks, but after that you have to go. I don’t have the means…” 

Sirius stood up and stepped closer to Remus. Someone else might have hugged him, but Sirius hadn’t completely recovered from holding onto him for a full broom ride last night. “Thank you,” he said, hands clasped because he didn’t know what to do with them. “I won’t let you down.” 

“Aw!” James said, bouncing Harry with a smile. “See? We can do it! And Harry will help too, right Harry? You’ll be our cheerleader, okay?” James lifted one of his son’s arms so he could cheer. “C’mon, group hug time.” 

“Oh, I-” 

“You’re part of the family now, Sirius, you have to accept the fact that we do hugs here. Now c’mon!” Remus stood reluctantly and accepted the hug thrust upon him. Sirius was more hesitant as he stepped forward, and opted for hovering his hands just above the others. 

Six weeks will be May 9th. Then he can bring his family out in time for summer. It’s a plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys! drop a comment if you enjoyed :) im thinking of moving my updates to sundays, so look out for that 
> 
> talk to me on my tumblr! proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	4. The Study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius learns about mainland life from experience while buying equipment for Lily.

Sirius didn't know what exactly had gone wrong with the potion. He had never used most of these ingredients, and he definitely didn't know what it was supposed to look like. The potion was a deep purple with silver dust thrown into it, appearing like a midnight sky except for the thin green film on top. 

“Well it doesn’t look  _ that  _ bad,” James pointed out to Lily in the brewery. 

“Can’t you mix it in?” Remus asked. Lily gave him a look and he shot his hands up. Lily inhaled deeply through her nose. Sirius looked for something to do with his hands. 

“The sopophorous needs to blend perfectly with the rest of the potion or it won’t work,” she explained. “If you take it, then you will be wide awake when the medicine is working. And, trust me, the aconite is going to make that a very painful hour for you.” 

“Sounds fun…” Remus mumbled, looking a little nauseous. 

“I don’t understand how it happened. I followed all your directions, Lils-” 

“I know you did, James-” 

“And, boom, it wouldn’t set. Guess we’ll have to try again.” 

Lily nodded. The air in the brewery felt stiff, like they had all watched a fire happen from far away and now they had to fix it with nothing. 

“I really don’t know what went wrong,” James said again. He focused on clearing the working tray from last night instead of staring in the cauldron like the rest of them. 

“Stop blaming yourself,” Remus said. “I’ll take Sirius to Diagon Valley and we’ll pick up whatever we need to fix this.” 

Lily shook her head. She stared into the cauldron with her arms crossed like it had offended her personally. “We can’t fix it now, it will unsettle the base. It’ll cause an explosive reaction and wreck the whole cauldron. We’ll have to start from the top.” She ripped the hair tie out of her bun and began fixing a high ponytail. “Remus, I need incision knives. Flat top, thin edge, no curve. McKinnon’s might have some but you’ll need to go way in the back. I’m talking surgeon’s knives.” 

“Flat top, thin edge, no curve,” Remus repeated, already making for the steps. 

“Good. I’ll try to salvage this.” Lily rolled up her sleeves and hauled up the cauldron. Remus grabbed Sirius’ sleeve and forced him to follow him upstairs. He could hear Lily moving around the brewery as they climbed. 

_ Diagon Valley.  _ Sirius mouthed it to himself. Somewhere new. Probably a city center, or a small commercial strip. There’s a shop that sells surgeon’s knives. Is that common, or just a potion master’s thing? 

“Where’s Diagon Valley?” Sirius asked once they had made it to the apartment.    
  
“Just a small street uptown. We’ll have to floo.” 

“Floo?” 

Remus nodded as he grabbed his cloak by the couch. He wasn’t going to explain. Sirius would have to learn from experience how to floo. When he came back from his bedroom with his cloak, Remus was unlocking the fireplace. He tossed a handful of green powder from a cup on the shelf inside, and the empty fireplace suddenly erupted with green flames. Sirius jumped back from five feet away, but Remus barely reacted. 

“Have you ever flooed before?” he asked. 

“No.” 

“Hold my hand, then.” Hesitantly, Sirius gave him his hand. “Whatever you do, keep walking.” 

“You want me to walk through a fire?” 

“You won’t burn.” That didn’t quell Sirius’ rising nervousness at all, though he tried to hide it. Remus noticed and paused. “It’s not real fire, it just looks like it. It’s like walking through a hallway.” 

“Okay.” 

“Now don’t let go.” Remus led him through the fireplace and into a tunnel made of green fire and howling winds. This wasn’t a hallway at  _ all.  _ Sirius held his breath and gripped Remus with both hands. After a second he walked into a hole in the tunnel and found himself stumbling into a dusty room.

“So a little bit about Diagon Valley,” Remus began, brushing himself off from the floo. “It’s hidden between a muggle area-” 

“Muggles?” Sirius hands flew for his pockets, before realizing he had nothing to protect himself with. 

“Well there’ll be none in Diagon, but there will be outside.” 

Sirius blinked. Maybe he wasn’t focusing enough on Remus to see the shared anxiety. But, on closer inspection, he appeared confused. “But so much wizarding stuff right by muggles?” 

“Muggles aren’t able to see us. The entrance to Diagon Valley looks like a useless repair shop to them. That’s where we are, by the way. Diagon Valley is this way.” Remus felt along the wall until he opened a door that led outside. Sirius steeled himself, keeping his palms open, as he followed Remus out. 

Diagon Valley was made of several small shops pressed into each other without breathing room. Each was made with a different brick, with different windows and signs, so it appeared to be made of children’s building blocks. Some stores sat on top of others with staircases leading up, while some folks spread out their inventory on blankets. Thick trees peeked over the buildings, hiding the street from outsiders. Despite the extravagance, Sirius felt that the wizards here could pick up everything and clear the whole street in ten minutes. Useful for being this close to muggles. 

Sirius stopped outside of the door to absorb everything. Remus’ chuckle brought him out of it. 

“You’ve never seen wizarding shops before?” 

Sirius felt the hint of teasing in his voice. He didn’t like it. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Aw, that’s okay. I’ll be your guide.” 

“I don’t need a guide.” Sirius took down the street in defiance, faking confidence by keeping his chin up. 

“Wrong way, Oliver!” Sirius pivoted in a single motion, letting his cloak fly behind. He has practice in being cool. Remus obviously has not. 

As they walked, Sirius observed the intricacies of the street out of the corner of his eye. Though Remus has opened up during their time at the Potters, he still wasn’t very talkative as they walked. Sirius didn’t mind. He honestly preferred silence sometimes, and he got the feeling Remus did, too. Would they live in silence together for the next six weeks? Maybe. The thought of living with Remus sent an uncomfortable chill down his spine. The silence would make it easier. 

Remus guided him to a thin shop with  _ MCKINNON’S SUPPLY  _ labeled in large type-face in the window. They were greeted with a disgusting puff of warm air. Next to them, a black cat perched on a small cloth tower and jumped into their path. Sirius jumped back, but again, Remus was unalarmed. “Hey, Circe,” he said to the cat. It only coiled it’s tail as it stared at him. He walked past and deeper into the shop. Sirius tip-toed around the cat, accidentally bumping into a table displaying paints. 

“Lupin? Is that you?” someone called from the back. As Sirius came closer, he could see a tall black woman behind the register with a large grin. “I haven’t seen you since the wedding!” 

“It’s been too long, Marlene,” he responded. “Listen, I’m looking for an incision knife.” 

“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific than that.” The woman- Marlene- saw Sirius come round the corner and gave him a wave. “Are you with him?” she said, pointing to Remus. It took him a second to realize she was talking to him.    
  


“Yes,” Sirius said. “We need knives with a flat top, thin edge, and no curve.” 

“Ah, you must be here for Lily then. She’s the only one who gets specific like that.” Marlene slid out of the counter and stuck her hand in front of Sirius. “Marlene McKinnon,” she said. “And you?” 

Sirius shook it, trying to match her strong grip. “My name is Sirius.” 

“Are you serious?” she said with a smirk. Sirius had been on the mainland long enough to learn mainlanders thought his name was a cute pun. He spelled it out for her and she laughed. “Sirius what? What’s your last name?” 

Sirius opened his mouth, but a realization clamped it shut. If he told this woman his last name, she- or even Remus- could easily trace his family. What else could he say? Sirius was never one for improvisation, but he always had a knack for confidence. 

“Orion,” he finally said. “Sirius Orion.” It was his father’s first name, though she didn’t have to know that. He caught Remus from the side raising an eyebrow, but he didn’t react. 

“Okay, Orion,” Marlene said, letting go. She took off a large ring of keys from her belt. “I’ll take you two to the back display, and you can see all the knives you want. 

The back did have all the knives.  _ Too  _ many knives. The largest were displayed on the walls, while others sat under glass panels and a swinging lantern that was brighter than the rest. Each had a different handle, sharpness, or curve, and Sirius’ imagination went wild with what they could be for. 

“What are all these knives for, Marlene?” Sirius asked, keeping his eye on a small scythe in the room. She followed his eyes, and gave him a knowing nod. 

“I only sell these to registered potion masters and monster hunters. Lupin’s the latter, so we’re quite close.” 

Sirius turned to Remus and gasped. “You’re a monster hunter?” He nodded, a bit sheepish but unimpressed. 

“Don’t get too excited.” 

“That’s really interesting.” 

“Pays the bills.” Eager to change the subject, he walked towards one of the smaller display cases. “Are these the surgeon’s knives, Marlene?” 

“Yep, but not the ones I think you’re looking for. These are for thick-skinned creatures. What does Lily need?” 

“We’re working with sopophorous,” Remus explained. 

“What?” 

Sirius stepped forward and into the conversation. “We’re trying to juice sopophorous beans, so we need something with a thin point so we can get the nutrients quicker.” Remus turned to him, impressed, and Sirius gave him a smile back. He liked surprising people. 

“Then these are not the knives you need,” Marlene said. “Let me get you some of these.” She popped open a display case on the other side of the room and took out a box set of knives. Each knife was as long as her hand, but almost disappeared when she turned them. 

“Perfect,” Sirius said. 

They left the shop with a brown bag no one could guess contained some of the sharpest knives made in the valley. It made Sirius feel giddy: what he was carrying would be used to make a potion no one had tried before, and no one knew! It would be a challenge, but now he could say he’s officially involved in the making. They completed their goal for the day, but Sirius was too energized to go home. 

“Hey, Remus?” Remus hummed without turning around. It was like he had to face the direction he was walking at all times or he’d crash, like a robot. “Is there a library around here?” 

"Down at the other end, why?” 

Sirius grinned without realizing. “I need books on sopophorous. I want to try something new.” 

“And what do you want to try?” 

“I can try to make the nutrients more resilient, maybe, so it won’t go stale as quickly and can bond with the other nutrients in the potion. Do you think Lily would let me do that?” 

Remus blinked at him. Sirius didn’t get why he would be confused. His plan was pretty straightforward. “Uh, sure, I don’t see why she wouldn’t, but why?” 

“Why would I want to alter the sopophorous?” Remus nodded. “Because it’s necessary. We could do so much with this. Where’s the library?” 

“Straight ahead,” he replied. After an inhale, he said, “That’s really cool, Sirius.” 

“Thank you.” 

The library was at the very end of the street, forming a wall. The facade looked more like an orphanage, but Sirius tried to keep his assumptions at bay. “I don’t know if you’ll find what you’re looking for exactly,” Remus tried to warn him, “but I have a card, so we can look.” 

“What card?” 

“A library card,” he explained. Sirius nodded like he understood, but he really didn’t. Pretending to know everything could be exhausting, but it was better than outing himself as a recluse. The inside was similar to his family’s private library, only if every book was a gray hardcover and tea stained. Sunlight from the windows showed the showers of dust floating in each aisle. Though no one else could be seen, Sirius felt the irrepressible urge to be silent. 

“Does no one come here?” Sirius whispered, running his finger across a shelf so it left a clump of dust. 

“Pretty much,” Remus said once they reached the potions section. It was a single, sagging shelf. It made Sirius sad. Remus pointed to a broken shelf next to them, where the pages were flipped open and a spider crawled over the debris. “I can’t see why.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. Sirius bit his lip so he wouldn’t laugh. Any sound of happiness would probably get him eaten alive in this place. (It brought back some creepy deja-vu.) 

“Help me find anything on plant modification, or advanced potions.” Sirius began pulling books off the shelves, while Remus stuck his hands in his pockets and read each spine. Every time Sirius pulled out a book, he either found a moth eating the pages or spilled ink masking the words. It made it hard to pick, but he kept scrounging each title anyway. 

“Hey, Sirius, look at this.” Remus was holding a thick book with red lacing, like a spellbook. He had an absentminded grin as he flipped through it.  _ “The Apothecary’s Secrets,”  _ he read. “Merlin, I loved this book as a kid. How did it even get here?” He looked up at Sirius, who just shrugged. 

“I never read it.” 

“What? That’s ridiculous.” Sirius shook his head as he flipped through a big book of plant diagrams. 

“I don’t read fiction.” 

“Oh, sorry, forgot you’re a strictly science bloke.” He shelved the book, but kept his eyes on Sirius. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Okay.” 

Remus stepped closer. Sirius didn’t know why- it wasn’t like anyone could be listening. But he stood still, focusing on his diagrams instead of the goosebumps running up his arm. “So were you alone on that island your entire life?” 

Sirius shut his book and put it under his arm so he could address Remus. “I have my family: my parents and my brother. Why?” 

He shrugged. “Just asking. Did you have any contact with us?” 

“Did we have contact with the mainland?” Remus nodded, still looking at him. It was the longest they had looked at each other. “My father would sometimes go to the marketplace for food and books and such, but I never left. Why are you asking?” 

Remus stepped back to his original position, a bit of red climbing up his neck. “I just wanted to know. I can help- well, I can try to help you get adjusted, if you’d like.” 

Sirius turned his body towards Remus, a familiar feeling of excitement in his stomach. He swallowed before speaking so he wouldn’t sound like a little kid. “That’d be great. Thank you, Remus.” 

Remus pulled out a book from the shelf and put it on top of Sirius’ growing pile. “Come, Lily has more books in the shop. Let’s check out.” 

Once they checked out with a real, living librarian (who it took ten minutes of conversation to convince Sirius she wasn’t a ghost), they went back through the floo in the muggle repair shop and found themselves in James and Lily’s apartment. Sirius flew down the stairs with his bags in hand, forgetting to take off his cloak. Lily was busy making potions for the hospital, so he took them to James in the store. 

With the presence of about a dozen customers milling through the aisles, Sirius was struck with the remembrance that, yes, James and Lily owned a potions shop, and he had just sprinted down the steps inside. Ignoring the stares, he went behind the counter when James was between customers and showed him the knives. 

“Good Merlin,” he said in awe, not daring to touch the box. “Yep, those are good knives alright. I’ve  _ got  _ to write Marlene, of course she had these, she’s a life saver.” Sirius took out the books, which made James cock his head. “You got books, too?” 

“They’re for research. I want to try new things with the sopophorous.” 

James laughed and clapped his hand on his shoulder. "Ah, that’s great, Sirius! Lily’s going to be so excited. Hell, even I am, are you, Harry?” He stepped aside to reveal baby Harry sitting on a tall chair, playing with toy cars. His shirt said in a bold purple  _ POTTER’S POTIONS!  _ James lifted up his arm so he could cheer. 

An hour later Lily was still focused on her potion, so Remus took Sirius to his house. They walked through the winding streets of the small, hidden town (“Godric’s Hollow,” Remus had called it). Remus’ home was much smaller than the shop, with nothing outside but a lawn chair on the porch. The inside, thankfully, appeared to be larger than the outside, though very neatly furnished. The furniture was second-hand, but well loved and complemented each other. It was smaller than the Potter’s, but just as lived in. Before Sirius could observe it fully, he noticed a pile of letters sitting on the kitchen table. 

“Shit,” Remus breathed. He opened the first one and read it as he kicked off his shoes. “I’ve got a job.” 

Sirius remembered Marlene’s mention of Remus being a monster hunter. “Do you have to catch some monsters?” 

Remus tossed the letter aside. “Control is a better word. There’s a spirit stirring trouble for a magical innkeeper in a muggle area. I have to head down next week before muggles catch whiff of it.” 

Sirius’ stomach turned over at the mention of muggles. His mind raced for a reply. He settled for, “That wouldn’t be good.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Remus said. “I can’t floo or fly, so I’ll leave on Monday and be there on Tuesday." He took off his cloak and tossed it on the nearest chair. He didn’t seem too happy about his latest assignment, which struck Sirius as strange seeing as he caught ghosts for a living. 

“You’ll leave in four days, then,” Sirius said. “How will you get there?” 

“I’ll have to blend in with the muggles, I guess,” he replied. Sirius immediately felt queasy. He knows, logically, Remus wouldn’t need to carry a pitch fork through the muggle areas, but he couldn’t shake the image from his mind. “Take a train, whatever. But the actual ghost hunting won’t be hard.” 

Sirius swallowed. He resisted the urge to wipe growing sweat from his forehead. “That’s good.” 

“Come, let me show you something.” Remus guided him towards the sofa. Up close, Sirius noticed the knit blanket thrown over the back. It was a simple pattern, but obviously a lot of love had been poured into it. Remus pressed the back of the sofa forward then let it go, allowing to to fall on the floor with a crash. Sirius jumped back. 

“Did you break it?” 

“No, it’s a pullout, kid.” Remus took the blanket and laid it on the sofa and adjusted the pillows like a headrest. “Once it was a couch, now it’s a bed.” He turned to Sirius, who was still standing six feet away, with a smile. “Do you like it?” 

Sirius tilted his head at it, trying to figure out every way it could work. “How did you do it?” 

“I just unhinged the back. Guess you’ve never seen a pullout before.” 

“No, I haven’t.” Sirius pulled his eyes away from the sofa-bed and towards Remus, who reminded him of young Regulus playing piano for their parents. “This is… ridiculous,” he decided to say. 

“What?” 

“Last month, you were shoving a knife in my face-” 

“I still have knives on me, you know-” 

“And now you’re showing me your- pulled out?” Sirius let himself smile at the irony, then laugh. 

“Pullout.” Remus crossed his arms. “You’ll always be the kid who makes my job too difficult to me, though.” 

“Hey, who got you that aconite? You were looking in the completely wrong place by the way, and at the wrong time-” 

“Calm down, Oliver, I still got my knives.” Though he kept his arms crossed, Sirius knew he found him funny. Now it’s just a challenge to make him admit it. “I have some stuff to gather for the hunt next week, do you want to spend some time on those book-” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay. Go right ahead.” Sirius laid out all the books, including his own journals, on half the kitchen table. Remus returned from what must be his bedroom with his own stack of parchment. “Safety stuff,” he explained, “plus some research on the area and the ghost.” They worked quietly for most of the evening. Other than the faint smell of coffee and constant sound of birds, it felt exactly like studying in the castle. Same calm, same diligence, but now infused with something more exciting. This time, Sirius had a solid, long term purpose. 

  
  
  


Remus wasn’t much of a chef. When the sun began to set, he took out thick cups from the fridge and emptied their contents into a pot on the stove. 

“Pasta,” he explained, as he added tomatoes and other things from cans into the pot. “You’ve had pasta before, right?” 

“Not like that.” 

“Well I promise what I’m making will be better than whatever you’ve had.” He began shaking a copious amount of garlic into the pot. Sirius almost cried looking at it. “You see, I’m going to be adding a mainland speciality called  _ flavor-”  _

“Oh, ha ha.” 

Like walking, Remus preferred to eat in silence. (Again, not a problem to Sirius.) But when they were halfway through, Sirius remembered a question.    
  
“Do you have an owl?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I need to write to my family.” 

Remus hummed. “Okay, I’ll show you.” 

Remus showed him a small barn owl perched on his bathroom window once they had finished. “This is Frank.” Frank blinked at Sirius. Sirius immediately felt unsettled. “You know how to use him?” 

"I know how, but thank you."

That night, after Remus had gone to sleep and Sirius was left on his pullout, he snuck to the kitchen and pulled out his parchment and ink from his bag. After ten minutes of staring through the window and searching for inspiration, Sirius began to write his first letter (of many, he hoped) to the island. 

_ Dear family,  _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. First: I am safe, and am keeping my identity hidden. I am staying in a magical community with highly trained wizards for protection. We are far from muggles. There is no need to worry.  _

_ Second: I have found a job aiding a potion master. Once I get off my feet, I can soon use my new skills to find a home outside any community for us. I estimate it will take about six to seven weeks. Until then, I will try to send some goods along the way. No one knows where I’m from, so do not worry: you’re all safe.  _

_ With luck,  _

_ S.B.  _

Sirius folded the parchment carefully, and wrote in a neat and large script _DESERTED ISLAND, FAR NORTH, CASTLE._ Hopefully that would be clear enough for Frank. There were no other deserted islands up north he knew of. He tip-toed to the bathroom and slipped the note into the owl’s nest. Frank looked at him with his too large eyes. Sirius wondered why anyone, even a man as mysterious as Remus, would want this beast in their home. But Frank nodded and hopped off the window into the night. 

Two days later in the afternoon, when Sirius was bent over his books and Remus was out to the store, Frank swooped through the kitchen window and landed sloppily on his journal. Before Sirius could get angry, he dropped a large red envelope in his hand. Immediately every organ in his body stopped functioning, as the only thing he could do was stare at the calligraphy.  _ S.B.  _ His mother’s handwriting. 

He knew he couldn’t toss it anywhere. He didn’t want to alarm the whole street. He rushed into the bathroom, the farthest room from the front door, and pulled out the letter like it was radioactive. Immediately his mother’s voice, distorted through the screams of the ink, ricocheted across the bathroom walls. Maybe this wasn’t the best of choices: each word bounced against the walls before being absorbed in his mind. 

_ Your father is coming. He will find you. He will kill whoever is keeping you. Do not run. Do not hide. He will find you. You will not come back alive. You should have learned your lesson when you were fifteen, but I am not good enough for you. Your perfect family, who has done everything for you, is not good enough. But neither are you. I will spit on every ground you have walked on. I have destroyed your bedroom and your place in this family. I hope your next weeks are filled with the misery and punishment you deserve. Enjoy them, for they will be your last.  _

Though each sentence was succinct and no exclamation points were used, every word pounded into Sirius’ chest like a bullet. His knees gave and he sunk into the floor. No matter how hard he clutched his knees, his mother’s voice still attacked him. She was truly an amazing witch: no one else could foster such malice and force it into a single letter that would keep him shaking for weeks. 

He tore it up and flushed it down the toilet. 

After five minutes, Sirius heard Remus enter again. He forced his shaking hands to turn on the sink and splash his face with water. It didn’t do anything but sting like alcohol on a cut. 

“Sirius?” Remus called in the kitchen. 

“In the bathroom!” Sirius rushed to pat his face dry. He tried to rub off the redness, but that only made him blotchy.  _ Confidence,  _ he reminded himself.  _ Confidence.  _ He opened the door and saw Remus putting groceries away in the fridge. 

He couldn’t tell Remus about the letter. It was a sure-fire way to show his true identity. They barely knew each other; Remus barely spoke to anyone but James and Lily, and even then he spent most moments absorbing every moment from the sidelines. Though his father would be coming. How long would it take? How would he find them? Sirius hid the shaking of his hands by putting eggs into the basket. He would be going to the brewery tomorrow to try and build a growing area from his books. Would his father be able to track him to the Potters? 

_ There’s only one option, then. Throw him off your path.  _

“Can I come with you next week?” Sirius asked randomly. His voice was too monotone to be natural. 

“For the ghost hunting?” Remus sighed as he shut the fridge. “I don’t know, Sirius. Could be dangerous.” 

“I want to see the world,” he said, “and ghosts.” 

“Well I highly doubt Ford’s street is much of the world.” Remus unwrapped one of the caramel candies he had bought. The second of interruption made Sirius blood boil in anxiety.  _ But?  _ “But you can’t get in my way. At all.” 

“I promise.” 

“You’ll have to blend in with the muggles.” 

“Of course. I can defend myself.” 

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, if you say so. But no defending yourself unless I say you need to, got me?” 

“Yes, yes I promise.” Sirius blinked to keep the tears back. He really hoped the smile he was giving looked nonchalant. It felt pretty anxious and giddy to him. 

Remus shrugged. “Okay, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey im switching updates to sundays instead of wednesdays how crazy! anyway i hope you enjoyed this see yall next week :) 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr! proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	5. The Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius follows Remus on a ghost hunting trip in a muggle area.

Remus woke Sirius up at six in the morning. Sirius was used to waking up this early, but what surprised him was seeing Remus up, too. He still looked pretty dead, but seeing him functioning before eight thirty was always a sight. That is, when they interacted with each other. Over the past week, they often found themselves in separate rooms, skirting around each other. It might not have been on purpose: sometimes Remus placed himself in secluded areas, like he needed at least half of his body hidden from view at all times. Sirius thought a week together would shake that habit out of him, maybe they could talk over dinner sometime, but Remus was a stubborn piece of work. 

After a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs, which Sirius ate while watching Remus toss magical objects into his bag and attach different knives to the grips on his belt, Remus handed him a blue sweater and black jeans. He held the sweater in front of him, as the bright color had brought the most confusion: the front read, in white block letters,  _ LAKE GEORGE, 1972.  _

“What’s this for?” Sirius asked, drinking the last of his coffee. (More like throwing it down the back of his throat- he couldn’t bring himself to tell Remus he hated it.) 

“Blending in,” Remus said. His clothes were a bit more natural. A simple white button up with black cargo pants covered in pockets. Two knives hung by his side and another hugging his thigh, but a few quick charms covered them up to the naked eye. No muggle would be able to tell that he carried spirit-sucking technology in his cross-body bag. Even his wand was safely tucked up his sleeve. But all Sirius got was a sweatshirt. It wasn’t fair that Remus was able to dress up all nice for his job. 

“Why do I have to wear  _ this?”  _

“Because you dress like a high society wizard playing a muggle in a low budget comedy.” Sirius dropped the sweater with a scowl. Remus, in all his cock-assery, had a completely straight face. 

“That’s creative,” he replied. He really couldn’t find what else to say. 

“Thank you. It came to me in a dream.” 

“Now, because of your dream, I have to wear this?” 

“Have you ever met a muggle?” Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but Remus’ hand stopped him. “No. So put on your Lake George hoodie and let’s go.” 

Remus helped him through the floo again, which actually was easier the second time around, and was led to the back alley of what appeared to be a city. The wall across the floo greeted him with colorful and illegible graffiti. Sirius knew immediately that there was no magic in this place. He’d never been to a completely muggle area before- it made his stomach sink and his reflexes a bit quicker. Here, he was a walking target, more so than Remus with his bag full of magical objects. Together they would make a great display for the muggle wizard-burning festivals. Were those ever a thing, or did he make them up in a nightmare? Either way, he kept his palms open as he followed Remus through the streets. He made sure they were never more than a foot apart. Though Remus shot him a few confused looks, Sirius didn’t mind bumping into him when they crossed paths with a muggle. It was a matter of looking out for each other. 

Shouldn’t Remus be a bit more cautious about this? Maybe his collection of knives gave him a sense of security. Maybe his job sent him into these areas all the time. Either way, he smiled at babies in their strollers as they walked past, and gave a homeless man a dollar. It was sweet. 

“Have you been here before?” Sirius asked him as they waited for a cross light. He made sure they stood far from the curve, in case a muggle driving a death machine (or a car, as the muggles call them) got too excited. 

“All the time. The train station’s a bit away.” 

A bit away, it turns out, was actually a thirty minute walk through the city. Sirius was too focused on survival to observe much of the city, but the train station made up for that in it’s grandeur. The walls were filled with glass mosaics between ticket booths and lines of people in various clothing, from the long floral dress style he recognized on Lily to men clad in leather and shorts that barely covered anything. He didn’t notice any trains, but there were large digital signs declaring departure times and directions to different tracks. The business of it all made him queasy, but that was easy to hide under his wonder. He stood behind Remus in a long line for a ticket booth. Sirius had never been so close to muggles before. They had no clue Remus was carrying four knives on him. Would he have to take them off at the security check? 

There were about a dozen people in front of them in line. “How long will this take?” Sirius asked. 

“About forty minutes.” Sirius remained quiet as he began to bounce his leg. “The train ride is going to take a day and a half.”

“A day and a half? What are we going to do for that long?” 

Remus lifted his bag with a smug grin. “What did you think I put in here?” 

“Your mon-” Sirius, with an embarrassing realization, dropped his voice to a whisper- “your monster hunting equipment.” 

“Yes, but also…” he unzipped the bag and pulled out one of Sirius’ library books. He didn’t remember seeing Remus take it. “I charmed it so it’s limitless. You could fit a person in here.” Sirius' jaw dropped against his better judgement. Remus closed the bag and returned his attention to the passenger’s pamphlet. 

The train itself was rather unremarkable. Remus had gotten them seats facing each other, with a table in between and the largest window possible. They had no bed but the chairs reclined enough to be comfortable. When the train began moving, Sirius couldn’t focus on the amazement on the other side of the glass, how buildings and trees and valleys were moving faster than ever imaginable. He couldn’t even focus on the studying he had been absorbed in all last week. All he could notice was the people surrounding him. 

This was the most crowded room Sirius had ever been in. Sure, the station was bigger, but that had open space and places to hide. He was stuck in his seat that smelled like chemical detergent for thirty four hours. Most of the people around him were muggles. He was in completely uncharted territory. 

Sirius tried to act natural. He stared out the window and drew ambiguous shapes in the corners of his journal when his mind wandered. A nicely dressed woman gave him a water bottle. But nothing could quell the anxiety that sucked his body like a vacuum. 

After an hour and a half, Sirius tried to get Remus’ attention. He had been focused on his book for the whole ride. “Remus.” He nodded, but didn’t look up. 

“Remus.” 

Remus folded his book but kept a finger inside as he noticed Sirius. “Sirius.” 

“I need to ask you a question.” 

“Go ahead.” 

Sirius leaned forward across their table (difficult as it was only four feet long) and spoke in a whisper. “Are we the only... “ his mind fumbled for a word to correctly call themselves. Wizard was too obvious, in case any muggles would overhear. Instead he made a motion with his hand for casting a spell. His mother would chastise him for not using his words, but Sirius was a free man now. It didn’t change his guilt, however. 

Remus put his book down on the table when he realized Sirius’ anxiety. “Are we the only wizards, you mean?” 

“Don’t be so loud.” Sirius flicked his eyes down the aisle, but no one seemed to be paying attention. 

“Calm down. There might be one or two. Why?” 

Sirius wished he could be the unreasonably calm one of their pair for once. Instead, he finds himself twirling his quill like a helicopter. He only stops when he realizes that quills were discarded by muggles centuries ago, along with their respect for magic. “We’re stuck on a train filled with muggles for hours.” 

Remus tilts his head, his face softening. “Okay, I know being around so many people is scary, and it’s okay to be… uncomfortable. Especially with your… background." Sirius knew where this conversation was going. He wanted him to stop, but he was too polite to cut him off. "Do you need, like…” Now Remus is the one fidgeting. He’s pulling at one of his curls. “Is there anything I can do?” 

Sirius blinks at him. Of course he expected sympathy, but vulnerability was a surprise. Remus fumbles with his hair some more as the question sinks in. 

“It’s okay if you’re anxious,” Remus says. “It’s kind of expected, really.” 

“I’m not claustrophobic,” Sirius says, voice quiet. Remus’ lets out a puff of air with relief and takes a sip of his water. He probably needs to center himself after attempting to be even slightly available. Poor guy. Even Sirius knows how to talk about emotions (he had to fill those journals with  _ something _ on the island, and Regulus was never the best audience). The irony of the situation lets him forget his own anxiety. Until he remembers. 

“What would we do if one of the muggles found out?” he asked, eyes glued to Remus. He put down his water bottle with too much attention. 

“They won’t. Trust me, I’ve done this before.” 

“What if they do? Your bag is full of- things that could get us found out. What would they do, then?” 

“What would they  _ do?”  _ Remus repeated, quiet and incredulous. “Probably get really confused and leave us alone.” 

“I highly doubt that.” Remus raised an eyebrow at him in mockery, but that quickly fell away when Sirius pushed himself back in his seat and pulled his sweater across his body. “Hey.” Sirius didn’t respond. “Sirius. Hey, I’m sorry. I’ve traveled with far less stuff-” 

“They cannot find out. I cannot afford to be found out.” 

“No one is sending you back to the island, Sirius-” 

“I’m not worried about the  _ island,  _ I’m worried about these  _ muggles  _ ganging up on us the minute they find out what we have.” 

“And what do we have?” 

Sirius held back the urge to dramatize. Every word he thought of held the risk of sending both of them into the hands of the muggles. It didn’t matter how he felt. “The muggles here are smart. If they find out what we are capable of, they will stop at nothing to take it. I don’t know exactly how, but I know that I cannot risk that and we need a plan in case we cross paths with one.” 

Remus didn’t hide his incredulousness this time. He stared at Sirius wide eyed, like he had never fathomed what a muggle could do to him. He didn’t even blink. Sirius stared at a fixed point out the window. At least the sun was setting. He could sleep soon. (Or stay up all night and watch for muggles.) 

“Dear Merlin,” Remus finally said. “You’re a racist.” 

"What does that mean?" 

Remus shook his head and let himself unfold in the seat. His expression didn’t change as he stared into the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m letting a racist live in my home for six weeks.” 

“What’s a racist?” 

“Do you really not know?” Remus sounded like he could either cry or scream. So could Sirius. 

“No. Explain.” 

Sirius expected Remus to give him another sarcastic comment, probably with a creatively veiled insult or two. He wasn’t prepared for him to snap back down, arms crossed and jaw set. “I don’t care about whatever you had been taught on that island. Muggles are  _ not  _ to be feared. They’re  _ not  _ going to steal your magic or whatever you think they’re sneaking around for. Some of these people have been so, so hurt by magic. We still haven’t rectified most of the damage from the wizarding war. So I don’t care about hiding my magic around them, I care about making sure they’re safe, okay? That’s my job. That’s what I’m travelling for.” He took a deep inhale that shook his shoulders. “Listen. The muggles aren’t going to hurt you. They don’t care for magic. As long as you don’t go round flaunting it, you’ll be okay.” Sirius' neck was stiff, but he nodded anyway. Remus’ eyes didn’t lose their hard stare. It made Sirius’ right arm tingle, right on the scar his mom used to torture him with. He felt it already- that stare is damn familiar. 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said. If he squinted his eyes, he couldn’t cry. “I didn’t know.” 

“You know now.” Remus leaned back again and took another sip of water. 

“The war…” Sirius didn’t know where he was going with that sentence. Of course he knew about the war- it was his father’s favorite dinner time story- but he had never heard it from the muggles point of view. No one had ever told it with such fervor for the non-magical side. No one ever mentioned the civilians. 

“Yeah. The war. Destroyed whole muggle countries. You have to know it."

“The Great Wizarding War. 1947 to 1965. Wizards against muggles over magical privilege."

“Well, he does know something, after all. I have to get you some history books, kid.” Sirius didn’t mention how he had a full bookshelf dedicated to magical history. (All from before the 1940s.) Their moment was interrupted by a train server walking down the aisles, giving out small meals in plastic trays. They ate in silence, as usual. It felt forboding, like Sirius was waiting for Remus to find the burn his mother left five years ago, but also empty. Maybe that was just Sirius. 

He never mentioned how not a single book in his eight hundred book library mentioned the destroyed muggle countries. It never mentioned muggle fear. Only their bloodlust. 

Remus fell asleep first. Sirius never did. He knew he’d dream of fire and syringes being forced into his arms. 

  
  
  


Thankfully, there was a very sketchy alley behind the train station they got off at Tuesday afternoon. Remus, after ten minutes running his hands along a brick wall, found them a floo, and Sirius was then at Ford’s Street. It was the quietest muggle area Sirius had seen yet, without cars at every intersection or multiple storefronts begging for attention in boring ways. Instead, it was a quiet lane with cramped but neat homes. Most people appeared to be gone for work, but there was an occasional old woman or child lounging on their porch that would wave to them as they passed. It was much less dangerous than Sirius expected, but he couldn’t shake the habit of keeping his palms wide and ready. 

They walked to a busier section of the street, with a few quaint shops and restaurants. Between a cafe and thrift shop was a single grey door which did nothing to draw attention to itself. Sirius would have walked on by if Remus didn’t stop and trace his finger over the number on top. It glowed slightly, nothing more than a stray beam of sunlight bouncing off, and Remus nodded as he took out his wand. He knocked it against the numbers and opened the door easily, leading to a narrow staircase. 

“Welcome to The Inn. The only wizard’s inn for miles.” 

Sirius swallowed. Why did this make him nervous? “It’s hidden.” 

“So the muggles won’t find it. It’s like a wizard rest stop.” The stairs seemed to go up much higher than the building appeared to be and made Sirius’ thighs ache. After about the fourth flight, the stairs gave way to a maroon carpet too soft and detailed for a staircase like this. The door down the hall was open, and the inside was large and decorated in warm tones. Sirius immediately went to look out the window, because there was no way they were in a two story inn like the facade promised, but he only saw the empty street with the same shops as before. Sirius felt dizzy trying to think about it. It was the most clever large-scale magic he had ever seen. 

“Oh! You’re here.” Sirius turned his eyes from the window to the front desk, where a small woman was walking to meet him. “You’re the hunter, right?” 

“No, that’s-” 

“That’s me, Ms. Longbottom. Remus Lupin. This is my assistant, Sirius Orion.” It was at this moment that Sirius remembered his Lake George sweater. He tried to keep his embarrassment at bay. 

“Oh, call me Alice. Come, the problem is right down here.” Alice guided them up a second flight of stairs (much shorter than the first) and through a hallway with rooms. The last door down the hall had yellow tape across it, warning any passerby of the  _ DANGEROUS POLTERGEIST PRESENT.  _

“It’s stuck in the closet. I’ve managed to keep it squared away, but more than once it got out the window and snuck up on some muggles. Thank Merlin, I managed some muggle protective and amnesia charms, but this is going to violate code eventually.” 

“What’s the manner?” 

“More obstructive than aggressive, I’d say.” Alice crossed her arms like she was preparing to go inside instead of Remus. (Wait, would Sirius have to go, too?) “What are you going to do?” 

Remus shifted his bag and began rummaging through it. “Well, it’s too dangerous to fight it head on… I’d need to trap it first, before sucking it and transporting it somewhere safer.” 

“Are you going inside?” Sirius asked, earning looks from both Alice and Remus. 

“Soon,” Remus answered. 

“I’ll fix you a room for the night,” Alice said, before heading back down the steps they came. Sirius put his hands in his pockets, feeling awkward as Remus began taking out different equipment. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Sirius offered. Remus bit his lip as he focused on tuning one of his gadgets. (He really hated mainland technology. It had too many buttons, and Sirius had yet to see someone use an instruction manual, so maybe he won’t be the best of help today.) 

“You can head to the room if you want, or walk around town. This is too dangerous for you.” 

“I can help.” 

Remus looked up from his work, unamused. “Sirius, please explain to me how you plan on capturing a poltergeist.” 

Sirius knew it was a trick question. But no one had ever taught him to keep his mouth shut. “I would use the suction thing I saw you bring and capture it with that. After trapping it, of course.” 

“Using what?” 

“I would use the other bait thing I also saw you bring- stop laughing.” 

Remus shook his head, ignoring Sirius’ command. “Wow, you’re right. You can totally handle an obstructive poltergeist-” 

“Don’t you have work to be focusing on?” 

Remus struggled to bring himself back to focus by waving his hand in vague motions across his face. He would never laugh anytime Sirius actually tried to get a reaction, but apparently all he had to do was make an ignorant comment to send him off. (It still made him oddly proud, though, to make Remus laugh. A weird feeling without a particular name, so Sirius will ignore it.) 

“Okay, fine, you can watch.” Remus picked up the first machine he had taken out. “This is the bait thing.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes. (He had been practicing from Remus, though he doesn’t think he’s very good at it yet.)  __

“Which is used to attract the poltergeist. But first I need how strong it is, so I use this.” He picked up a different machine with two large bulbs on top. “When the lights go off, the color of the first one says how strong it is, and the color of the second says it’s manner, or what it wants to do. Ms. Longbottom says it’s obtrusive, but I need to check. And if it attacks me, I got defensive spells-” 

“You’re going inside?” 

“Well I can’t capture it sitting in the hall.” Remus grabbed the machine by it’s handle and stood, wand out and ready. 

“How long will you be in there?” 

"Depends." Remus tilted his head back to Sirius as he put his hand on the doorknob. “I’ve done this millions of times.” 

Sirius leaned against the door. He hoped he looked cool and not desperately trying to be so. “I’ll be out here.” Remus nodded and went inside. 

Remus was in and out for a while, sometimes stumbling through the door out of breath and shirt smoking. Each time, he only accepted water and a different machine from his bag. Eventually Sirius thought it would better fit to wait in the room and focus on his books. As he walked down the stairs, he realized that the innkeeper had never given him a key, so he needed to stop by the desk before finally figuring out how genetic modification worked. 

Alice Longbottom was filing papers when Sirius came up to her. She smiled at him, obviously more calm now that Remus was here, and began searching for the key in her drawers. In the silence, Sirius remembered a question he thought of the night before but couldn’t bring up with Remus. Maybe he could now. 

“Ms. Longbottom-” 

“Alice.” 

“Alice, did you say that the muggles outside saw the poltergeist?” Sirius leaned against the counter and focused on the small clock next to him. 

“A few did. I don’t think they understood what they saw, but the protective charms have been keeping them out of harm.” Alice retrieved the key and dropped it into Sirius’ palm. “Why you ask?” 

“I was just asking, ma’am.” 

Alice scoffed. “Ma’am? Mr. Orion, I’m only twenty five.” 

“You can call me Sirius. Anyway, have they been any trouble to you?” Sirius tried to keep the worry out of his voice, but the memories of nightmares and stories made it difficult. 

“Not at all. They don’t see this place, but I see them outside. They’re all very nice, never trouble, but thank you for asking.” 

“Just making sure.” Sirius smiled at her as he walked down the hall, key cold in hand. 

_ They’re all very nice, never trouble.  _

Maybe now that the war is over, the muggles learned their place. Now they know better than to try and steal the magic. Wizards like his parents had made sure of that, and now there’s harmony between the two groups thanks to them. 

Or the muggles, even back then, were all very nice and never trouble. The muggles weren’t to be feared, but were instead victims of magical abuse, like Remus said. Both possibilities were like snakes biting into his skin, sending painful poison through his body. Neither stories were the truth that had hidden his family away. None of this was right. 

Or maybe Sirius was wrong. (Did his family hide away for nothing, then? Something had to drive him there. Something had to fight his parents and put a bounty on his head.  _ Something  _ had to be keeping wizards hidden away in alleys and corners of forests so muggles will never notice them. There had to be a reason the world worked in ways Sirius couldn’t comprehend.) 

Instead of dwelling on the unsolvable riddle of muggle life, Sirius tried to work on his books. He couldn’t get very far, and he spent most of the twenty minutes staring at the pictures. A knock came on the door just then, and Sirius opened it to find a very disheveled Remus. 

“I’m taking a shower,” Remus said succinctly. “Do you want to get some dinner?” He walked past Sirius, smelling too much like smoke for what could be safe. 

Thirty minutes later at around seven, Remus and Sirius were wandering through Ford’s Street. More people were out now, so Sirius got to see those very nice, never trouble muggles in their natural environment. Sirius focused more on observing the people, so he was startled when Remus stretched out his hand to stop him. 

“Have you ever had Chinese food?” 

“You should know the answer to that question.” 

“You haven’t lived until you’ve tried fried rice.” 

Sirius scrunched his nose. “Fried rice doesn't sound appealing.” 

"That's because you've never had it before, let's go." 

Twenty minutes later, Sirius was given a plate of noodles with different vegetables in a savory sauce. When he first saw it and said, "Oh, spaghetti," Remus broke into his same laugh. 

_ "Lo mein.  _ It's lo mein, please never say spaghetti again." 

"What's the difference?" 

"What's the diff- there's a huge difference, Oliver, taste it and find out." 

Sirius decided to ignore the (ridiculous) nickname and taste it. He could feel Remus hide his smile under his hand as he spun the noodles across his fork. 

"Just eat it. It's too thick to spin around. Look." Remus took his own fork- clean, thankfully- and raked the noodles and vegetables. 

"That is so uncivilized." 

"Weren't you raised by birds or something?" 

Sirius stopped twirling his lo mein to glare at Remus. "I have a  _ family-"  _ Remus began laughing again, and Sirius found it hard to remain annoyed. He forced the food into his mouth as Remus did the same. They both probably looked disgusting- two adults desperately trying to eat to hide how much fun they're having. 

Afterwards, Sirius forced Remus to take him to the thrift shop next to the inn so he could wear something other than baby blue. It was his first time seeing premade clothes, and he still had no clue how money worked, but he planted himself in the men's tops section and wouldn't budge. Most of the shirts had graphic prints Sirius didn't understand but drew his eye. Remus milled through the aisles without looking at much. They were silent once more, but this time Sirius did slightly mind. To spark conversation, he picked up a black shirt with a mustard yellow print for  _ THE BEATLES.  _

"Remus." He looked up from the other side of the clothing rack. "I think this would look good on you." 

Remus tilted his head in thought. "And why do you say that?" 

"It would bring out your eyes." 

Remus scoffed and went back to picking through tie-dye shirts. "Yeah, and that's exactly what I need." 

Sirius dropped his arm holding up the shirt so he could focus his energy on being confused. "What, why?" Remus shrugged without looking up. "I think your eyes are pretty. They're like a brown and a hazel mix-" 

"Flattery won't get you anywhere, Oliver." 

Sirius gaped at him. "What do you mean, flattery? I'm stating an observation." Sirius pouted and put the shirt back. 

"You sure have a way with words." 

"You should learn to take a compliment." In response, Remus picked out a sleek leather jacket. It was obviously well loved, and Sirius couldn't keep himself cool when he saw the back. The previous owner had sewn in a piece of a graphic shirt in a square on the back. 

"You like it?" 

Sirius was wide eyed. "Yes." 

Remus passed it to him across the rack. "Seems a bit impractical." 

"I don't care." 

"Okay, then." Remus shrugged. "Didn't know you were a punk, Sirius." 

Sirius doesn't know what a punk is, but he's taking it as a compliment. "I am now. You should watch out." 

"Oh, I better." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been waiting like a week and a half to post this one so i hope yall enjoyed it! also we're halfway through this fic which is Crazy. 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr, mb? professorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	6. The Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius goes to a pub for the first time, and Remus gets sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: alcohol, minor depictions of blood & wounds, depictions of manic depression

Sirius and Remus returned from the wizard's inn on Thursday. The ride back was much less eventful. Being with Remus felt easier now after traveling and working together, but his default state was still silence. Sirius doesn't think it's because he doesn't want to talk: he's not afraid to shoot a sarcastic remark or explain mainland things Sirius doesn't understand. It's just that Remus doesn't know how to initiate conversation, so that's Sirius' job. (Sirius has a lot of experience initiating conversation- how would he talk to anyone on the island, then?) 

The first day back Sirius left early for the brewery. Lily had finished one of the growth potions and Sirius planned to tweak it to could change the nutrient flexibility in the sopophorous. He stayed there for most of the weekend, so that his face had deep red lines from the goggles and he smelled like soil. And that's how the second week passed. 

Sirius might have been the only one actively counting the weeks he had with Remus. He knew Remus wouldn't let him stay past that mark, and that he had it circled on the calendar, but because it was in the next month Remus probably didn't know exactly how far it was. Sirius did. When he woke on Monday he knew he had twenty one days left in this house. It made him ache a bit, though he wouldn't dwell on it. Of course it wouldn't be the end of his time with Remus. Lily already invited him to dinner three times a week and she won't shake that habit easily. But there was still the feeling that Sirius didn't want to leave Remus. Sure, he's quiet and uses all the hot water in the shower and dresses like a homeless professor, but living with him is easier than living alone. 

Remus was doing a nearby job so, when Sirius woke up on Monday, he was already gone. Sirius left alone. 

The Potter's shop was always a shock after leaving the quiet cottage. The shop opened at eight, and though it was still early people were already picking up prescriptions and last minute supplies for work. Sirius thought he could sneak past to the brewery, but James always had a keen eye. 

"Oi, Sirius! Over here!" James was waving behind the front desk. Harry was next to him in his usual high chair and clapped when he saw Sirius. He slid behind the desk when James kept pulling him over. "Lily wanted me to give this to you. One of her colleagues at St Mungos gave it to her and she ran home all like, 'Sirius  _ has  _ to see this.' It has your name written all over it, mate." James handed him a flyer. There was nothing particularly eye catching about it, so he looked back up. James was grinning. "Read it!" 

Sirius had to squint to read the tiny print.  _ SEARCHING FOR MAGICAL PLANT BIOLOGISTS FOR OVERSEAS RESEARCH. WIZARDS WITH EXPERIENCE IN ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES, SCIENTIFIC JOURNALING, AND GROUND WORK.  _ The rest of the flyer had another two paragraphs about pay and travel, but they all blurred together in Sirius' amazement. 

James rocked on his heels. "What do you think? You’d get to travel the wizarding world for environmentals, something you already have a knack for, mate.” 

"This is amazing," was all Sirius could say. He was overwhelmed with James and Lily's thoughtfulness, and the sea of opportunity under his fingertips. "Do you want me to apply?" 

James clapped his hands loud enough for some customers to jump. "Duh! Interviews in two weeks, you'll be ready in no time, you're doing it and that's that. Right, Harry?" James began clapping again but softer and slower so Harry could match. It seemed most things James did was to teach Harry. Sirius didn't stay behind the desk for long as the first customers began checking out. He followed his usual path to the brewery. 

Instead of the blank wall by the stairs, like there was when Sirius first entered the place, there were a few hastily done shelves with short walls and soil packed around to form small sopophorous areas. It's an experimental setup and the best they could do in such a small space, but it still had the best possible growth conditions. Lily watered it every morning and Sirius added special treatments every afternoon. (He brought up the hymns he used on the aconite to Lily, but she laughed and called it 'folk crap.') Today he was going to test the nutrients alone to see if they were coming along well enough. Lily was already cleaning up the tables and cauldrons when he came in, and they set to work immediately. 

At around one, Remus appeared in the brewery. He carried take out bags that seemed heavier on him than normal. Lily took them swiftly and he took the opportunity to stretch. 

"Did you have a hard monster?" Sirius asked when Remus' back cracked like a pencil breaking in half. 

"You could say that. How's the potion going?" 

"We plan on starting next week, once the sopophorous is ripe." 

Remus stood straight and turned to Sirius. He might have looked anxious. "When?" 

"Around Friday, most likely." 

"You can't do it sooner?" 

Lily finished setting out each container of Chinese food Remus had brought on a clean table. "That's alright. Then it'll be done this time next month." She picked up a container of fried rice and held it towards Remus like it was bait. He took it and picked up a fork from the table to eat it without sitting down. 

"That's a whole month," Remus mumbled to himself. He absentmindedly stabbed his rice. When did he wake up today? Sirius sat down at the table. 

"You should sit," Sirius said. He remembered the last time they had Chinese food together. It was the first time Sirius had had real fun with another person. But today didn't look like it would be a repeat. Remus kept his brow furrowed and his eyes staring into the rice as he sat. 

"How's the sopophorous, then?" Remus asked. He took some large pieces of pork and tossed them into his rice. 

"They're coming along really well. Their growth rate is already higher than average, and their properties seem to be excelling-" 

"It'll work better than we planned, Remus," Lily cut in softly. She put her hand on Remus' wrist, then looked at Sirius. "The potion needs a strong anesthetic for it to work, and with your sopophorous, maybe I can add some extra things to make it stronger." 

Sirius smiled at her in amazement, forgetting about his food. "That's amazing!" 

Lily matched his grin. "I know!" Remus didn't catch on, but he stopped stabbing his food and looked up with more interest than frustration. 

"Are you feeling okay, Remus?" Sirius asked. He only realized how sudden a question it was when it startled Remus. He had learned alot about mainland culture, yet he had only begun understanding how mainland people work. They function much differently than his family does. It's like two different species. (Of course, his parents rarely asked if Sirius was feeling okay if he came to dinner angry. But Sirius is trying to be better than his parents.) 

Remus swallowed his pork instead of responding. He forced an over-dramatic nod. "Yeah, I'm great, why?" 

"You seem stressed." 

Remus shrugged and shook his head at the same time. "We should get out of here. Godric's Hollow is boring." 

"You're telling me," Lily said.

"We went to Ford's Street last week," Sirius supplied. "That's different from here." 

"That was for work. I want to do something." 

Lily tapped Remus' wrist. "What do you want to do?" 

"Fuck- I don't know. I'm just bored." 

At the perfect time, James swooped in carrying Harry. "I smelt egg rolls," he said, immediately stealing one from in front of Lily. Sirius felt grateful: James is the least boring person he has ever met, and Harry was always entertaining enough. Sirius wanted to ask him what they should do, but that seemed too eager. Thankfully Remus did that for him. 

"I'm  _ bored,  _ James. I want to start a business." 

"A business, yeah? And what will you do, Mr. Entrepreneur?" Sirius was confused: he thought Remus' last name was Lupin. 

"I want to start an art gallery. I can draw." 

"You draw?" said Sirius. 

"I draw  _ plenty, _ " Remus answered with confidence. "And I'm pretty good at it." 

"I'll always be the first at your art galleries, Remus, Harry too." 

Lily gasped and began snapping, a sign she needed attention. "Oh, art! Remus, the pub's doing this experimental night for new artists and musicians. It's going to be lots of new-" she made huge air quotes- "'artistic techniques-'" 

"Oh, modern art!" James called out. "I love modern art."

"I love making fun of modern art," Remus continued. "It's trash." 

"It's tonight." 

"Oh  _ fuck  _ yeah." Remus put his fried rice carton down like a gambler slapping a winning hand of cards. "It's at the pub, right? I want to get drunk." Remus quickly looked up to Sirius with a look of shocked realization. He knew what he wanted to ask.  _ Have you ever tried whiskey before?  _ The answer was no. If it was anything like coffee, which Remus drank like juice, then Sirius didn't want to. But he appreciated how Remus held his tongue. It kept him safe in his facade. James and Lily didn't have to know about his recluse life just yet. 

"We can all go!" James said. "I can leave Harry with my parents, they've been begging for him for weeks, I swear they think he's a better baby than I was. And I was a pretty good baby." 

Lily slapped his arm. "Do you remember your infant days, James?" 

"Yes I do, actually, my memory is immaculate."

"So is mine, and I remember your mother telling  _ me-"  _ Lily leaned across the table towards Sirius as she continued the story- "that one day, on the way to preschool, James  _ took off his-"  _

James pulled Lily back by the waist. "Okay, how many people need to know-" 

"I do!" Remus yelled. "I'm on the edge of my seat!" 

Sirius wanted to add something to the show, but right now he was content laughing along. He loved their group, but he still felt like he couldn't understand all their comments and chides. Not like he wasn't included; more like some things they said bounced off of him. 

Maybe that would change at the pub. 

  
  
  


Sirius finally had a reason to wear his leather jacket. With a simple white shirt and the black jeans Remus gave him, he felt like a real punk (in Remus' words). He stood in the full body mirror in the bathroom and tried to fix his hair for the pub. He left the door open, so he didn't notice when Remus popped up in the doorway. 

"What're you doing?" Sirius jumped out of his skin. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." 

Sirius tried to force his heart rate down. He felt embarrassed after being caught fussing over his hair. "That's okay." 

Remus had cleaned up nice. He was wearing proper dark purple robes with a gold hem around the hood that brought out the gold that was fighting over the brown in his eyes. (Sirius would never point that out. He has decided a while ago to keep his 'flattery' to himself whenever it comes around.) Underneath was a band shirt with large distorted letters Sirius couldn't make out. His outfit hugged his body and drew attention to his form, which Sirius quickly turned his attention away from. 

"You're working on your hair?" Remus asked. Sirius felt unfairly found out. 

"Yes," Sirius said with a pout. "I wish I could grow it out." 

"There's a charm for that." 

Sirius flipped his head around. "There is?" 

"Yeah, do you want me to do it-" 

"Yes." 

"Okay then." Remus took out his wand and put his hand gently on Sirius' head, making him shiver. "How long?" 

"Long." Remus gave him a look in the mirror. In truth, Sirius never thought it was possible to grow his hair out so quickly. He never planned this part through. 

"I'll go to your shoulders. Lily's gonna flip." Remus took a piece of Sirius' hair and began mumbling the charm. Sirius closed his eyes, focusing on the tingle in his scalp. 

"Okay, open your eyes." 

Sirius didn't recognize the person in the mirror.  _ Mother would destroy me, _ was his first thought. But that didn't scare him at all: it filled him with an energy and happiness that can't be explained with words. His hair, usually cropped close, was now lying like silk against his neck. It was thinner than he thought it would be, but the shine surprised him. He blinked so he wouldn't cry. 

He turned to face Remus. "It's wonderful. Thank you, Remus." 

"It suits you. You're a real modern bloke now." 

Sirius pointed his finger in Remus' chest. "Flattery will get you nowhere," he said, altering his voice for a terrible impersonation. 

Remus paused in confusion before breaking out into his usual laugh. He waved Sirius off as he walked out the bathroom. "Come, it's time to go." 

Sirius' chest swelled with the pride of making Remus genuinely laugh- not from doing something stupid, but from a conscious attempt at a joke. He couldn't help but laugh along as he followed Remus' out. "Hey! I made you laugh." 

"You used my own joke against me." 

"That's still fair!" 

Remus tilted his head in mock-thought. "Hm, no. Better luck next time." 

_ Not everyone is as smart as you,  _ Sirius thought, but he didn’t say anything. The flattery rule, after all. They left the house and began their way to the Potter's, where all four of them would floo to the pub together. 

As Remus predicted, Lily flipped. "Your  _ hair!"  _ She immediately touched it, which made Sirius feel a bit like a dog but in a good way. James said his punk look was 'insane!' Sirius was excited, but still found himself looking to Remus. He hadn't done much to himself, but he still looked the best out of all of them. 

The pub was large, which was a nice change after the inn. A band was setting up when they arrived, and they ordered drinks while waiting. When they arrived, Remus scooted close to Sirius, surprising him. 

"This is firewhiskey," Remus explained in a whisper while James and Lily were distracted. "Start with one drink tonight and see how you feel. More can get you drunk." Sirius nodded, looking into his glass.

"It's this high feeling, but it ruins your judgement." Sirius held his glass to the light for examination It didn't smell like anything. "Come, drink at the same time." With a smile, Sirius and Remus clinked their glasses and drank. It didn' taste that bad, actually. Sirius immediately felt dizzy and clear headed. 

And that's when the music came on. 

It was a good thing they were sitting in the back. Otherwise, the poor musicians would see Remus with his head on the table, shaking with laughter.  _ "Why  _ do they sing like that? Merlin,  _ why,  _ they don't sound good at  _ all-"  _

James was right next to him, pounding his back. "This is high art! They're singing about  _ society _ and  _ the man _ -" 

"James,  _ you _ are the man," Lily commented under her drink. Remus had to hug the table to keep from dying, while Sirius and James stared at each other dumbfounded. 

"Thanks?" James said to receive a smack from Remus. 

Sirius spent most of the night laughing along. Every now and then he made a comment, and Remus would smack his arm or, on better moments, James would go off on his weird suffocating cackle. As more drinks passed around, Remus would leave his hand on Sirius for longer. As Sirius drank more, he didn't mind. 

After every act, Remus and James would stand and raucously applaud despite how badly they were making fun before. Eventually they reached the end and, seeing as the sun had not risen yet, the bartender played their own music. 

"Sirius!" Remus turned to him after four drinks. He had taken off his robes and Sirius noticed the drizzle of pale freckles on his arms. "Can you hustle?" Sirius shook his head. 

"Sirius Oliver Orion!" James interjected, now cornering him. "Did you just tell me that you cannot hustle?" 

"Is that a dance?" 

Both of them, including Lily, screamed. Remus grabbed Sirius' shoulders. "It's time for you to learn how to hustle, my friend." 

On the dance floor Remus, James, and Lily hastily tried to teach Sirius the moves with various yelling and demonstrations. Sirius was a bit too drunk to fully comprehend, so Remus had to grab his arms to help him. They didn't do much dancing, instead finding themselves laughing over each other at how James and Lily attempted to turn the hustle into a sexy duet. 

"Oh my  _ gosh,"  _ Remus giggled next to Sirius. He could feel how his body moved when he laughed. "Sirius-  _ oh my gosh… _ " Remus waved his arms, trying to explain something he couldn't comprehend. 

Alcohol ruined Sirius' sense of humor. Between giggles, he tried his best Remus impersonation:  _ "Oh my gosh?"  _

Remus slapped him across the shoulder twice with both hands. "You're terrible! Oh my  _ gosh,  _ I'm getting  _ way  _ too attached to you." 

Sirius had never felt happier in his life. That's not the alcohol talking: that moment and the floating feeling he carried afterwards was his most vivid memory of the night. 

The pub closed at two in the morning, leaving them to walk to the floo. They left with music still in their bones and giggling in the chill night. Lily and James flooed home, while Sirius and Remus went separately to their own house.  _ (Their  _ house. That was nice to say. Firewhiskey makes a lot of things nice to say.) Sirius kept the cloak on as they jumped out of their fireplace. 

"I can't sleep," Remus said immediately. "I want- I still have energy. I want to do something." Sirius was already fiddling with the pull out. It was much harder to open when everything seemed funny and your hands moved through water. 

"What're you gonna do?" 

"Something!" He stopped, hands on his hips, and faced Sirius. "I'm going on a run." 

"It's two." 

"And?" Remus was already fiddling with the door lock. 

"What if someone sees you?" 

"I will fight them." 

Sirius couldn't help but giggle. "You'll be hurt." 

"That's ridiculous. I’m unstoppable.” Remus turned around before sprinting through the door. "I'll be home before dawn. Promise." With that, he slammed the door. Sirius frowned, feeling very lonely all of a sudden, but sleeping made the feeling float away. 

  
  
  
  


Remus wasn't back in the morning. Sirius woke up with a headache that was pounding it's way through his skull. He hung around until noon, hoping Remus would return, but left for the Potters when he was unsuccessful. 

He came back at four in the afternoon to find a note left by Remus. 

_ Sirius,  _

_ I'm alive! I have a work thing so I won't be home until past midnight, so don't worry about me. There's leftover pasta in the fridge or you can try making the omelet like I taught you. Good luck!  _

_ I'll be really tired when I get back, so please leave me alone. I'll need sleep. Thank you.  _

  * _Remus_



The note made Sirius' stomach turn, but it was a comfort to know he was safe. He made himself a good omelet. Remus never talked at dinner but at least he was there. Now Sirius has to stare at the wall in silence. 

Sirius stayed awake that night. He began working on the blueprints for a new growth setup for the sopophorous until he got tired of that at eight. He turned on the radio and tried to read one of Remus' fiction books but he could only focus on something for so long. Eventually he settled for listening to the evening news and staring at the ceiling on the pullout. 

Remus came home at two thirty six in the morning. Sirius jumped up as he heard the door open. He rushed to it, but remembered the second part of the note before meeting Remus. Good thing for that: Remus looked terrible. 

The first thing Sirius noticed were the bandages. One wrapped up his arm to his elbow. Another looked lumpy beneath his shirt. The robes could only cover so much. Second: Sirius noticed the dirt. On his face, in his hair, caked on his bandages like aloe vera. As Remus got closer and into the light, Sirius could see that not all of it was dirt- some was blood. Third: Sirius noticed the limp. Remus walked like he took a baseball bat behind the knee. He probably did, looking at him. Sirius ached. 

"Do you need anything?" Sirius asked. Remus walked past. Sirius wanted to touch him, the same way they did last night, but a lot of things happened in the past twenty four hours, apparently. 

Remus mumbled something. (Was his mouth okay?) All he focused on was getting to his bedroom, where he shut the door. Sirius sat on the couch. The light of the full moon was too bright for him to sleep. 

Sirius woke with the sun. He thought of making Remus breakfast but decided to let him sleep. After sending a quick owl to Lily saying he wouldn't make it today, he sat on the sofa and looked for something to do with his hands. 

He tried to focus on his diagrams, or the radio interviews, or  _ The Apothecary's Secrets,  _ but his mind kept wandering to the bandages, the dirt, and the limp. When he couldn't take it anymore, he cracked open Remus' door. 

Remus was curled on his side, facing the wall. The blankets were piled on top like a mountain. "Remus?" Sirius whispered. 

A sound came from under the blankets.  _ He's alive.  _

Sirius' mind ran through all the different things he knew to say to someone hurting. It was a very short list. He chose: "How are you?" Remus made the same sound. 

"Do you want some coffee?" 

Sound. 

"I can make you porridge.” 

Sound. 

"I can fix your bandages." 

Sound. 

"Please tell me what happened." 

No sound. Fingers reached up and pulled down the blanket an inch. Remus' eyes- now a dull and complete brown- peeked out and looked at Sirius. 

"'M fine." 

Sirius felt terribly awkward leaning on the doorway. But where else could he go? "No, you're not." 

"I am." 

"No." 

"Please." 

Sirius pushed himself off the doorway to sit on the corner of Remus' bed. "Where are your bandages?" 

"No." Remus still had his eyes outside the blanket. That's a good sign. 

"Stop being so stubborn," Sirius said with a bite in his throat. 

There was a long pause where Sirius begged the universe that Remus wouldn't retreat under the blanket. "Bathroom cabinet," he finally answered. Sirius felt too much relief. 

Sirius had some experience with first aid, but not enough for the deep gashes on Remus' arm. "I'll live," was all Remus replied with when Sirius gasped in horror. 

"You'll live without arms!" 

"They'll heal." Remus tossed his head back and squeezed his eyes shut as Sirius redressed the wound. Sirius forced Remus to pull up his shirt so he could focus on his side. There were two long scratches from his rib to his navel that needed to be cleaned and covered. When he was done, Sirius covered Remus with the blanket again. His heart was beating out of control. 

"Please tell me what happened." 

"Just a monster." 

"That's terrible." 

"It's okay." 

"You're not telling me everything." 

"'M  _ fine." _

"I'm getting you food." Sirius left the room with a huff. He knew he was being bitter, but he had no idea how else to react. With his heart racing and mind a mess, what else could he do? Sirius returned fifteen minutes later with an omelet, knowing it'd get a reaction. 

"Hey, you made the omlet." He took the plate and rested it on his lap. Sirius wished he would smile, or recall how he taught him how to flip the eggs last week. Instead he just looked tired. 

"Please tell me what happened." 

"I did." 

"This is worse than a monster." 

"Big monster." Remus turned to Sirius for the first time. "Thank you, Sirius. But please leave." 

Sirius obeyed. 

  
  
  


Sirius didn't want to leave Remus alone in the house, but if Remus didn't get up (and he wasn't in the condition to anyway) he would be fine. Sirius quickly flooed to the Potters and landed in their living room when they were all gathered for dinner. They jumped out of their skins, but settled their anger when they saw Sirius' expression. 

"What happened?" Lily immediately asked, bouncing a crying Harry as he calmed down. 

"You look like you've seen a ghost, mate," James added. 

"It's Remus," Sirius began. "He wanted to go on a run after we went to the pub but he didn't come back. When he did it was two in the morning and- and he had these bandages, and- and…" Sirius felt his chest constricting. He wasn't going to cry- Sirius Black does not cry- but he needed a pause to catch his breath. James put his hand on his shoulder and guided him to his bedroom in his moment of weakness. 

They sat together, James bouncing his leg as Sirius focused on his breathing. After what felt like an hour, James began to speak. 

"Sometimes, Remus goes through these cycles, okay? He can get really energetic, and go on these midnight runs, but the next night he'll crash. It's an illness he has. It destroys his body. But he knows how to handle it, alright? He's had it all his life. Remus is- Remus is the strongest bloke I have ever met and ever will meet." 

Sirius forced a swallow. "What kind of illness?" 

"He'll have to tell you himself, mate." 

"But that's the problem." Sirius took a deep inhale so he wouldn't hyperventilate. "I had to force my way to help him. He doesn't want anything to do with me." 

"Don't say that." James began rubbing Sirius back in circles. "He's hurting."  _ I don't want him hurting,  _ Sirius thought. James continued talking. "He'll come to you when he's ready, okay? And I don't know when that'll be, but damn, you're not getting off the hook that easy, alright?" He patted Sirius hard enough for him to shake. 

Sirius had two and a half weeks left with Remus.  _ I might be getting way over my head with this.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys! 
> 
> follow me on tumblr if thats your thing proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	7. The Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius learns something about Remus, and someone makes a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence & abuse

Remus began feeling better again the next day. He was able to take a shower (he adamantly refused Sirius' help) and fixed the parts of his hair that were matted. He still winced if he put too much pressure on his right side, so in the middle of the day he caved and began using a cane. 

"Why do you need a cane?" Sirius had asked. Of course he knew why, but it was a ploy to get Remus talking. 

"My leg hurts." 

"You still need rest." 

"I rested all day yesterday. I'll be fine." 

Sirius frowned but knew anything he said would lead to nothing. Remus had refused help all day. After a few slow, tense hours, Sirius gave up trying to get through to him and left for the Potter's. 

The next week (at the four week mark), Sirius finished rebuilding the new sopophorous setup. With this new method, it would be easier to change the magical properties of the sopophorous. The new hanging position increased water flow, and the silver barriers added the right reactivity for the soil. As he was working, James popped in. 

"Hey, Sirius! Mate, have you applied to that research position yet?" 

"No, not yet." 

"The applications are due in two weeks," Lily intervened from her own corner. "I can send a rec letter if you'd like." 

Sirius paused to think about it. It was a dream job. He could travel, do meaningful work in his natural environment, and earn enough money to sustain himself. But the thought of leaving scared him more. If only Remus could come. 

"I'll be applying," Sirius finally said, "but I want to finish this first. How's the rest of the potion doing, Lily?" 

"I have everything set. Once we begin juicing the sopophorous, I can make the base." 

Sirius nodded. With a stroke of luck, Remus came through from the shop. He didn't have a cane anymore, but Sirius could still make out the brace from under his trousers. 

"Hey guys," Remus said. Lily gave him a hug; it was their first time meeting again after he got sick. "How's the potion?" 

"It'll be set next week," Lily answered. Remus' immediately became relieved and fell into the hug once more. Sirius felt momentary jealousy: he wished he could be the one causing Remus to make that sigh, to be the one he fell into a hug with. 

_ That's sappy,  _ Sirius thought. He shook it out. He didn't care much about that. There were sopophorous to tend to. 

"Remus, can you help me trim these leaves?" Sirius asked, picking up a pair of thin silver scissors. 

"Sure," he replied. Sirius tried to hand him the scissors, but he backed away. "No thanks, I got my own scissors." 

"You can use these." 

"That's really okay." Remus took a different pair that was hanging on a shelf. It was a bit too big with leather handles, but Sirius tried not to focus on that. He didn't want to start a fight. James was helping Lily test a potion, so for a moment they were alone. 

"I need you to cut right around here." Sirius demonstrated, and Remus set to work. He picked up a leaf that was curled around the metal barrier. 

The next events happened so quickly, Sirius can't pinpoint when everything went wrong. 

Remus dropped the scissor and clutched his hand.  _ "Fuck!"  _ Sirius turned his attention to him, but he was already rushing away. Lily grabbed a cloth from the shelf and began pouring something on it with her lips pressed into a fine line. Swears were pouring out of Remus' mouth like a river. James and Sirius stared at each other. At least Sirius wasn't the only confused one. 

"Breathe," Lily said, handing Remus the cloth. 

"Mother _ fucker!"  _

"What happened? Are you okay?" Sirius asked. Despite his anxiety he stayed rooted on the spot. 

"Allergic," Remus mumbled, "to the sop…" 

"Oh.  _ Oh."  _ Sirius felt the guilt hit him like a firetruck. "Remus, I'm so sorry-" 

"Not your fault-" 

"You could have told me." 

The last time Sirius had hurt someone, it had been his mother and he had accidentally caused her to trip and sprain her elbow. Though he never fell, he still has the burn mark. 

Sirius ran out of things to say. Words never helped before in these situations. "Remus, I'm so sorry." 

Remus steadied his breathing. Sweat glinted off his brow. "I'm fine," he breathed. "It's not your fault." Sirius nodded and swallowed. They all stood in silence. 

James cleared his throat. "Would anyone like some coffee?" 

  
  
  


After many floo trips throughout the mainland, Sirius finally felt able to floo alone. When he was done in the brewery, Sirius went upstairs to the apartment and jumped through the floo to Diagon Valley. 

The library was just as dull as before- maybe a bit more unsettling alone. He bee-lined for the health section, and yanked out  _ The Full Encyclopedia Of Magical And Muggle Afflictions.  _

He brought the book to a table and searched through the mini index to match Remus' symptoms.  _ Fatigue, limp, gashes, mania, slowed heart rate.  _ His symptoms must be too broad, so after twenty minutes of searching he decided to flip through the book until something caught his eye. It surely was a feat, since the book was eight hundred thick pages. He let the paper fly by until he found a picture that shook him. He scrambled to find it again and settled on the page for lycanthropy. 

The picture in question was a photo of a pair of eyes. They were a simple blue, but the hazel ring was unmistakably shared with Remus. 

_ Lycanthropes suffer from cycles of mania and depression with the phases of the moon.  _ Sirius didn't follow the moon, but that was exactly how James described Remus' illness.  _ On the full, they will transform into wolves and hunt. If restrained they will turn on themselves, resulting in incredible wounds, broken bones, and internal damage. The self-inflicted scars of a lycanthrope are colored like lightning and stand out in the dark, making them impossible to hide.  _ Check, check, and check. 

Sirius felt nauseous. So nauseous, in fact, he didn't notice someone sitting across from them. 

"Sirius," the person said. He almost jumped out of his chair. 

Is this a muggle? Was he found out? He immediately stood and kept his palms open in fighting stance, just like his father taught him. "Who are you?" 

The person took off their hood and revealed a familiar face. Sirius dropped his hands. 

"Regulus?" 

"Come home," he said, completely monotone. His face was too sinister for a seventeen year old. "Now."

"No." 

"Father will come."

"I'm not going with you." 

"You are ruining everything-" 

"You are!" Sirius' voice echoed through the library. He didn't care about disturbing anyone. "How did you find me?" 

"You have to come home-"

"Answer me." 

"We have been looking through magical areas for the past week. Mother has been a mess, Sirius. We miss you." 

"Bullshit." Sirius spat out the swear. It was something Remus had said before. Saying it for the first time was empowering, especially so when Regulus couldn't understand. "You are doing fine." 

_ "I  _ miss you." 

“I am not coming back." Regulus finally broke eye contact to stare at the desk. Sirius pushed away his guilt to cross his arms. 

"Your hair makes you look like a girl." 

Sirius' hand absentmindedly went to his hair. He pushed it back to continue the conversation. "You are changing the subject." 

"Look at what the muggles are doing to you, Sirius." Regulus stood, matching Sirius eye for eye. "They are ruining everything about you. Come home, it's safe there. You will have your family again. Please." Anyone else would have felt sympathy for Regulus, but Sirius knew when his brother was bluffing. His voice was too monotone, his eyes too eager for eye contact, his posture too stiff. That's Walburga and Orion's child, alright. 

"No-" 

Regulus reached over and grabbed Sirius' hair, pulling his head down. Sirius slapped his hand away. Looking up, he grabbed his other wrist and pushed Regulus down onto the floor with all his body weight. 

And Sirius ran. 

Regulus was smart enough to follow once he regained his balance. They pushed past Diagon Valley with dust in their trail. Sirius jumped through sales people in an attempt to shake off Regulus, but he was equally agile and the screams of shopkeepers kept him alert. Sirius aimed a  _ stupify _ but Regulus dodged it again. His heart was beating too loud for him to hear Regulus'  _ sectumsempra,  _ but a well-timed trip saved him. 

"Aurors!" someone called. "Call the aurors!" 

"They're using dark magic!  _ They're using dark magic!"  _

Sirius stopped as he heard the second cry.  _ Dark magic?  _ He had never heard the name before. "It's self defense!" he yelled as he punched Regulus. He spun but kept his balance. 

"Come home!" 

"No!" 

_ "Incindio defensio!"  _ Waves of fire shot out of Regulus' palm, igniting Sirius' robes. Sirius shook it out but the charm was strong. He didn't have time to be proud of his younger brother. 

_ "Locomotor!"  _ The spell, a red shot of light, flew over passersby and hit Regulus in the head, knocking him down. He scrambled to get up, but the spell was too strong. He couldn't move his legs. 

The passerby were terrified. Most had fled the streets, and Sirius could see in the corner of his eye the aurors flying in. He needed to end this fast. 

_ "Stupefy-!" _

_ "Protego diabolica!"  _

A shield of black fire burst around Regulus. The  _ stupefy  _ shattered and burst into smaller pieces of light that hit and stunned civilians. One headed right towards Sirius. 

The next movement was a matter of instinct. It wasn't Sirius’ fault. His father taught him this: when faced with an unknown spell, copy it. 

_ "Protego diabolica!"  _

The first scream was from right behind him. 

A woman was crumpled on the floor, a wide burn across her face and the side of her body. Others surrounded her, but were too damaged by the shield- that  _ Sirius conjured-  _ to do much. Regulus' shield had hurt others on his side, but Sirius had the wider reach. 

_ "Death eaters! Death eaters!"  _

Why were they saying it with such horror? Why did they spit it out of their mouths like it burned them? Why was Regulus laughing? 

"Father taught me that one," Regulus said. 

"Wands up!" The aurors had landed now, and pointed their steel wands right at each of them. Sirius wasn't afraid. He had other matters to address. He turned to Regulus with fire in his eyes. It was hard to focus with all the red and the screaming and his heart louder than a train at a thousand hours an hour, but at least he had a target. 

_ "Petrificus totalus!"  _ The light from the spell was explosive and pushed away the aurors and passerby. Immediately Regulus' arms were glued to his side as he fell like a plank in the middle of the road. 

_ "Wands up!"  _ The aurors kept yelling like little girls. 

"I don't  _ have  _ a wand!" Sirius stuck his hands out. "I  _ don't!"  _

One of them stepped forward to grab him. Sirius kicked him in the crotch and watched him crumble. He needed a way out fast. 

Sirius once saw James apparate. He was able to disappear and reappear whenever he wanted by turning on the spot. Remus couldn't do it, but maybe Sirius could. 

Of course Sirius could.  _ He's Sirius Black.  _

The aurors were rushing on him now. People were crowding around Regulus. Sirius blocked it all out, squeezing his eyes shut so they watered, and spun.

Then he was home. 

"Sirius?" 

With Remus. 

"Dear Merlin, you're bleeding." Remus immediately grabbed some kitchen towel, but Sirius rushed backwards into the kitchen table. It banged. 

Remus turned to him, wide eyed. "You okay?" 

_ Are you a werewolf?  _ The question was pounding in Sirius' head. It was all he could think about. Remus' brow was furrowed as he wet a cloth in the sink. 

_ Remus is too kind, he can't be a werewolf,  _ he tried to convince himself. _ Remus wears cardigans and cropped jeans ripped from wear, he can't be a werewolf. Remus protects people from monsters for a living, he can't  _ be _ a monster.  _

"I need to leave."

Remus turned off the sink and handed Sirius the cloth. He didn't take it. "Why?"

"Please." Sirius turned and made for the floo. 

"No." Remus put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. He jerked away. "What happened?" 

_ My father is here.  _ Orion Black was searching for him, and he would kill anyone in his way. That includes Remus. Probably Remus first, if he really is a- 

"Oh, okay- fuck, breathe with me, Sirius. In, two, three, out, two, three. Let's go, come sit." Sirius was too busy analyzing what exactly his father could do to Remus to notice the hands on his shoulders. This close, Sirius could see his eyes clearly. Brown- nothing too extreme, even pretty if these were the right circumstances- with the gold rim. Exactly from the encyclopedia. Direct from the lycanthrope section. 

Sirius sat on the couch. His thighs were pressing into Remus'. He was clutching his hand. He was breathing. 

"What's going on?" 

Should he tell him? Remus would find everything out soon. "My father is here." 

Remus blinked, forcing his reaction back. "Does he want you home?" 

_ He wants me dead.  _ "Yes." 

"Do you want-" 

"No." 

And Sirius cried. 

When was the last time he cried? Five years ago? His first escape attempt? It was then, but he was only sixteen. Sirius is an adult now, crying on another adult's shoulder. 

Remus placed his hand on the back of Sirius’ head as he tried to restrain his sobs. His sweater smells like coffee and the caramel candies he always buys. And it’s soft. It’s their first real hug, and it’s nicer than Sirius thought it would be. Unlike on the train all those weeks ago, Remus allows Sirius to be upset. He had been rubbing off on him, after all. Finally some emotional intelligence. 

“Your sweater smells nice,” Sirius says to force his throat from closing up. 

“Thank you.” Remus slips his arms around Sirius’ waist. He feels warm. Sirius’ anxiety slips away in the heat, melting in Remus’ arms. His words interrupt Sirius’ thoughts: “You don’t have to leave.” 

And the anxiety is back. “I really do not want to.” 

“Then you don’t have to. I’ll make sure of it.” 

“My father will kill you." 

Remus pulled back at last to look at him directly. "I'd like to see him try. Plus, does he even know where to find me?" 

“He can find out.”

“Still, he’ll have a monster hunter to get through-” 

Someone was knocking at the door. (Sirius was going to  _ throw up.)  _

Remus stood. "That can't be him. But maybe you-" the person kept knocking- "should hide." Sirius was pushed into the storage closet (not very smart in hindsight) as Remus opened the door. 

It wasn't Sirius' father. 

"Is Sirius here?" It could have been Lily, but it was difficult to tell through all the cleaning supplies kept in here. Sirius pressed his ear to the door. "The aurors came around saying he was a madman. They said he fought a seventeen year old in Diagon Valley!" 

"Sirius wouldn't do that…" Remus responded. Sirius smiled. Of course he would defend him. He's not a  _ madman.  _

"But he used dark magic-" 

"Not Sirius." 

"Then why did I get aurors in my shop today?" 

"Sirius is here- Sirius!" He held his breath as he left the closet. He tried to fix his clothes, but he didn't have time until Lily pulled him into a hug. 

"What  _ happened!"  _ She exclaimed. The volume reminded him of the passerby, calling him a death eater. It wasn't a good association. If she knows about the dark magic, then she probably agrees that he's a death eater, too. 

(Would that be so bad? His mother would be proud.) 

"If you're getting into any fights, I swear-" 

"I didn't, Lily." 

"Good. I don't know  _ why-"  _ Lily paused to breathe and redo her ponytail. She had probably ran here. (Just like those passersby, running away.) "Just thirty minutes ago, aurors showed up at my door demanding to know where you were. I told them you'd never start any kind of trouble like  _ dark magic  _ in Diagon Valley, but they said they traced your magic-" 

Sirius' heart stopped. Everything inside Sirius stopped. Even Remus knew to look concerned. "They traced my magic?" 

Remus stepped forward, causing Lily to move back. "Don't panic." 

"He'll be here." 

"Sirius, did you actually-" 

"I know he's coming-" 

"Lily, maybe you should leave-"

"Stop! Everybody stop!" She was snapping her fingers for attention but everybody was looking at her. Her ponytail was already starting to fall out again. "Who is coming? Sirius- you can't have  _ actually…"  _ Lily's eyes began to shine. She blinked them back with too much force and snapped her fingers again, willing herself back together. "You're not a dark wizard?" 

"Of  _ course  _ he's not a dark wizard, Lily! Have you  _ seen  _ him?" Remus said harshly. Lily stepped back in shock. "Sirius, we're going to fix this. You are  _ not  _ going home." 

The front door fell open. To the floor. Off its hinges and all. It was almost too uncivilized for Orion Black, but it did grab all the attention. Like robbing a bank. 

"I think you are, Sirius." 

Sirius’ father stepped into the hallway. In this dim light, his features were masked under his hood. He pulled it off, and no one had any doubt what he was here for. It was all in those cold grey eyes that fixated on Sirius like a lion on its prey. 

Remus' wand was out in two seconds flat. Lily followed suit after a delay. Both were too focused on the six foot man in the blood red to notice the younger figure behind, robes still smoking from their last duel. (Sirius did.) 

Remus was the first to speak. "Get out of my house." 

“Give me my son.” 

_ “Son?”  _ Lily asked. His father didn’t pay her any attention. Regulus gave her a disgusting glare. 

“Sirius,” his father began, voice slick as ever. “You have put your entire family in danger-” 

“No.”   
  
“To put yourself in the presence of mudbloods-” 

“No.” 

“Do not interrupt me. Regulus.” Regulus- being the rat he is- immediately made for Sirius. Remus swooped in front of him, wand never leaving his father’s chest. Regulus paused, unsure of how to continue. “Regulus,” his father reminded. Sirius watched as his brother steeled his gaze and raised his hand for a spell. 

Remus didn’t waste any time. A swipe of his leg and Regulus crumbled on the floor. Orion barely blinked. 

“Get out of my house,” Remus repeated. 

Regulus stood back up. He was too slow to be eager or healthy enough for the fight he was running into. Despite the circumstances, it made Sirius ache: Regulus didn’t have a choice. But as he stood his hands stayed by his side and mouth shut. No spells yet. 

Sirius’ father furrowed his brow. “If you want something done right, then.” He reached inside his cloak as his eyes shifted, pausing to absorb everyone in the room. He landed on Remus. 

“Are you a mudblood, too?” 

Remus’ knuckles on his wand turned white. He had never lowered his arm- it must be burning. “Don’t say that in my fucking home.” 

“Are you?” 

Remus couldn’t respond. He was screaming. Sirius never heard the  _ crucio _ , or see his father take out his wand. But he was grabbing Remus’ wrist and something was in his hand- something small and silver, like from the brewery this morning- and Remus couldn’t breathe. Sirius smelt burning skin. 

_ Lycanthropes are burned by silver, due to the metal having a conductive reaction to werewolf blood.  _ Sirius could see the words in front of him now, next to the picture of the eyes. The sopophorous had hung on silver bars when Remus tried to cut them this morning. At least there's no doubt about it now. 

Lily pushed Sirius aside. Her lips were pressed in the same way as when she was brewing a tough potion. Every muscle in her hand popped as she gripped her wand. Even from behind, Sirius knew she was a force to be reckoned with.  _ “Expecto patronum!”  _ she yelled, her voice reverberating through the kitchen. 

Sirius always thought of does as soft and graceful creatures. But Lily’s patronus slammed his father like a truck and knocked him to the ground. Even though it was only made of silver air, it left deep scratches in his father’s face and robes. Regulus was able to dissipate it with an unrecognizable charm, but he was still dazed on the ground. 

Remus crumbled to his side, clutching his forearm. There was a deep and smoking third degree burn in the shape of a silver spoon. The same one his father was holding. Sirius crouched down to Remus who was gagging on the floor. 

“You are keeping company with  _ werewolves,”  _ Regulus spat, now standing above him. He had the  _ audacity  _ to speak like that in such a situation- Sirius wanted to pound his head into the floor the muggle way. 

Sirius flipped his head back with a crack. His eyes were on fire, both from anger and tears. “Now is  _ not  _ the time-” 

“Regulus!” His father demanded. Regulus immediately grabbed Sirius from behind his arms. He tried to fight back but couldn’t in fear of hurting Remus who lay a foot away. He was trying to get up, put his burnt arm was useless and he was obviously disoriented. Lily grounded herself and punched Regulus across the face, causing them both to fall. 

“I’m calling the aurors!” she cried. “Leave! Take the broom!  _ Expecto patronum!”  _ A second doe flew through the kitchen. Pieces of her hair were soaked with sweat. “Sirius,  _ take the broom-”  _

“I can’t fly!” 

“The shop! Go to the-  _ ah!”  _ Regulus grabbed Lily’s ankle and forced her down so he could get up. He stabbed her neck with the point of his wand, stunning them all to silence. 

“Kill the woman, Regulus,” his father said. When had he stood? 

Regulus looked up at his father. For the first time in five years, Regulus looked like his age: only seventeen. “We can use her-” 

“She’s a mudblood, can’t you see? She’s a-” 

_ “Petrificus totalus!”  _ Sirius yelled so his throat burned. Regulus broke and fell on top of Lily. She pushed him off and he fell against the floor like a ceramic. Sirius went directly into a dueling stance- the exact position his father taught him. Lily stood and mirrored it, while Remus got to his knees, wand in hand. 

“Three against one,” Lily said boldly. 

“I won’t have-” 

A different patronus- a large grey wolf- erupted from in front of Remus without an incantation. As if on cue, Lily shot her own patronus. They attacked as one. The light was blinding for all of them. 

“Sirius-” Lily grabbed Sirius’ shoulders. “Go to the shop with James. I’m calling the aurors-  _ go go go go go!”  _

Sirius nodded so his head would fall off as he helped Remus up. Though slow, they ran out the door and down the street, where aurors were already flying in. Sirius’ blood immediately chilled. They were flying in the same formation as in Diagon Valley. Were they looking for him? But thankfully the first aurors, dressed in curse-proof gear, ran through Remus’ kicked-down door, ignoring him. 

“Come on,” Sirius beckoned. “I’ll get you some aloe…” His eyes fell to where Remus was still clutching his burn. It was in the same spot he had his ‘allergic reaction’ this morning. Sirius knew coddling was not appropriate, so he wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist like he had done for him and ran. 

  
  
  


James made them tea and sat them in the living room. He had forced all the customers out within ten minutes and shut the shop as soon as he saw them- two crippled wizards clutching each other for life. Sirius had promised Remus to get him aloe vera for his burn, but he didn’t want to snoop James’ bathroom. And the tea was too sweet, and Remus next to him was too consoling, even if they didn’t speak. Even if Remus was shaking and curling into himself across the couch. There was too much space in between them, but moving closer meant understanding what they had learned about each other. 

Sirius’ family are death eaters. Remus is a werewolf. 

“What. Happened?” James asked. His tone was frustrated, but his face was still wet with tears.

Neither of them spoke. 

Sirius wanted to tell everything. The whole story was dying to leave his body. But James, no matter how close they are, is not the one he wants knowing first. That honor is reserved for Remus, and only when they’re alone. 

“‘M tired,” Remus muttered. 

“You need aloe,” Sirius whispered back. 

“Thanks, mom.” 

“Hello?” James called. Sirius forgot he was there. “Okay, you’re obviously shaken. That’s fine, alright? I’ll give you some alone time. I’ll be in the store- y’all know where everything is.” He stood from the couch. “I’ll bring up Lily’s burn ointment, the one she sells to St. Mungo’s, alright?” 

Sirius could finally breathe once James returned with the ointment and a sandwich for Remus and left. Finally, they were alone. 

Remus let him apply the ointment across the burn. It was turning a deep purple. As he applied it gently, Remus squeezed his knee like a lifeline. 

“Burns like a bitch,” he wheezed. Sirius nodded. 

_ Can’t be worse than silver, though.  _

They sat in silence after the treatment. Remus ate the sandwich and Sirius watched as he regained his strength. Sirius missed his warmth. 

“Are you okay?” Remus asked. Sirius bit back the urge to laugh. 

“I should be asking you that question.” 

“Your father-” Remus obviously planned to say more, but his words fell back into his mouth. They sat in inconsoling silence. 

“I’m fine,” Sirius lied. “How are you?” 

“Fine,” Remus lied. 

“I think you’re lying.” 

Remus looked up. There were dark bags under his eyes, next to the freckles sprinkled across his face and the scars cutting between. Were those self inflicted? Sirius wants to touch them. He knows it would be out of line, but his fingers still creep up. “I really…” Remus took a deep breath. “I really care about you. I don’t want to see you hurt.” A second breath. “That… was really hard to say,” he said with a chuckle. Nothing was funny; it was more of an attempt to lighten the air than anything else. It didn’t work. 

“I care about you, too.” 

“Don’t go fighting dark wizards on my behalf again, Oliver.” 

It was Sirius’ turn to chuckle. This one was genuine. “I had to protect you.” 

“Protect the- monster hunter?” 

Remus catches himself before saying the obvious:  _ Protect the werewolf?  _ Sirius manages to keep his smile. “I had to protect my friend.”

Remus smiles- a small but real smile, with his nose wrinkling a bit. “Okay, thanks.” 

“‘Thanks?’ That’s all?” 

“How ever may I repay you, Oliver?” he said, deadpan. 

“You can start calling me by my real name, Remus. You’re not very intimidating when you’re smiling.” 

Remus shook his head and pushed Sirius’ shoulder. “Don’t be mean.” 

“You’re doing it right now. Remus, you’re my friend. Don’t push me.” Sirius pushed back, regaining that smile from Remus. (He would still do anything to see Remus smile. It’s becoming a bit of a problem, but Sirius can push it down.) 

“You’re acting like little kids,” someone said from the stairwell. They both jumped around to see Lily, robes ripped and hair dripping with sweat, holding her own cup of tea and a small smile.

She sat next to them in silence. Slowly, the smile fell. “The aurors came,” she explained, “and arrested them.” Lily looked up at Remus. “It was Orion  _ Black.”  _ Remus immediately knew what that meant. 

Sirius’ stomach filled with snakes at that moment, rushing through his body and trying to eat him as Lily kept talking. He was going to suffocate in clean air and he couldn’t hear a thing of what was being said. Remus looked equally as shocked. “Black?” 

Lily leaned to look at Sirius. “Sirius… that was your father?” 

Sirius took a sip of the rest of his tea and set the cup down civilly. “I’m sorry…” he said shakily. “I really am… but please, don’t tell anyone.” 

“So you’re Sirius Black?” Remus asked. “Not Sirius Orion?” 

Sirius’ eyes began to tear up, but he knew Remus wouldn’t be holding him this time. He radiated coldness already. “I didn’t want you to know-” 

“Why?” 

“I needed to protect my family, okay?” he said, voice rising as he spoke. “My parents fought in the war. They led troops. Then they needed to hide from the muggles, and if everyone knew I was Sirius  _ Black,  _ there’d be a bounty on my  _ head  _ to kill me for my pure magic-” 

“There’s no bounty on  _ your _ head, Sirius,” Lily said. Her calmness shocked Sirius’ energy. She held her cup of tea in her lap, forgotten. Her eyes were broken as she looked at Sirius. Even the way she said his name was filled with sadness and care. “It’s on your parents.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves thank you for reading. please leave a comment? 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr mb proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	8. The Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus confront each other about what they learned last week.

None of them were ready to talk about it after Sirius’ father was arrested. No one mentioned the slurs, nor the injuries, nor the realizations. Instead, everyone drank tea and listened to jazz specials on the radio without moving. The tension hung in the air like humidity. Sirius was glad when he and Remus walked home and slept in separate rooms. They lived in silence. 

For the first time, Sirius was dying for noise. He had lived on a quiet island, never hearing real music for twenty one years, but the silence of Remus’ home was tearing at his skin. Everyday Remus was taking a new job, running away for hours and returning when Sirius was asleep. It drove him mad: was he avoiding Sirius because of his father, or because Sirius knew the truth about him? 

Sirius was living with a werewolf. He had been for four weeks. Two more left. 

He tried to ask James or Lily about it, but they would only insist that Remus had to be the one to talk. Well, he would talk to James- Lily was sparse these days. Is she an actual muggle-born? She’s too adept to be anything but pure, but the world is spinning and throwing things around, so Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if he was wrong about this, too. He’s finding more things he’s wrong about everyday. 

Sirius tried to read to forget. It was an old tactic- when you live secluded for twenty years, outside information is a drug. His curious nature led him to more medical books and tales of dark creatures, trying to find Remus between the cursed pages that gave him paper cuts. Every book tried to paint Remus as a blood thirsty deviant. Sirius would just snap those back shut. He wouldn’t read any slander like that. But the gross feeling along his back wouldn’t leave. 

Sirius was living with a werewolf. And that werewolf  _ hates  _ him. 

He doesn’t want to hate Remus. Remus is impossible to hate. He’s kind and the smartest person he has ever met. He’s always patient when teaching Sirius things and bought tea leaves when Sirius finally caved and confessed he hated coffee. He has a bookshelf filled floor to ceiling with fantasy books Sirius can’t wrap his mind around. Sirius might have a bit of an obsession trying to make Remus laugh, but it’s all in good nature. But now that might be all gone. He can’t unsee the gold eyes from his books, can’t unhear the talk of ‘dirty half-men’ from his mother’s lips. The scars capture more moonlight in the evenings now, sending Sirius back to his father’s carpet that he got from “teaching werewolves how to behave, by example.” He knows Remus would never hurt him, but now the secret is out. What would he do to keep it hidden? 

But in all his anxiety, Sirius misses him. No tales of wolf raids can throw away the giddy feeling of making Remus smile or listening to him talk back to the radio host when he disagrees. Now that Remus is barely seen, his obsession is growing a tad bit stronger. (Nothing to make a fuss about.) There’s still a cup of tea waiting for him, but it’s always cold and he can’t get the kettle just right yet. After struggling with the levers for fifteen minutes Wednesday morning, Sirius gave up and dropped his head against the counter. 

It was time to talk to Remus. 

Remus came home at five thirty in the morning that day, before the sun fully stretched it’s arms. Sirius was awake and dressed by that time, reading the paper at the table. 

“Good morning,” Sirius said, rising. 

“Hi.” Remus slipped off his bag and raised an eyebrow. 

“Sit. I’m making you dinner.” 

“At five thirty in the morning?” 

“Stop. You haven’t eaten since you left.” 

Remus shook his head as he kicked off his shoes. Sirius rushed to begin cooking- he had already set out all the ingredients he needed. “I’m fine-” 

“Please.” Remus looked at Sirius and, behind the exhaustion, nodded. He sat on the chair and kicked his feet on top of another. 

“You’re making omelets?” 

“It’s the only thing I can make.” 

“I should teach you a stir-fry.” Despite his light tone, Remus kept his eyes fixed on his feet. He sat like a droopy mannequin. Sirius looked away so he wouldn’t get upset. (It didn’t completely work.) 

Sirius finished the omelets and set the plates out in front of them. He purposefully put his plate next to Remus instead of across. Remus pretended not to notice and picked at his eggs. 

Sirius decided to bite the bullet. “You need to tell me the truth about the war.” 

Remus froze. “Lily didn’t tell you?” 

“I want you to.” 

He breathed and leaned back in his chair. “You want to know everything?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay.” Remus leaned forward on his knees. He only went into this position when thinking. “So, the Great Wizarding War. It began when the muggles were developing technology that began to rival our magic. They could build big nuclear weapons and could watch videos in tiny boxes- television. This radical group called the Death Eaters said the muggles were able to do this because they were harnessing pure magic from pureblood wizards. It sounds ridiculous now, but in 1947 a lot of wizards believed it. There was a lot of fear around muggles because we had just watched them fight World War II, so the Death Eaters profited off of that and convinced wizards that it was time to take back control.” 

Sirius took a sip of his water. The story felt familiar, like something his father would triumph over, but the details were off. What was World War II? Why were the muggles not made out to be magic-craving manslaughters? Remus continued. “They started with non-purebloods. Half-blood and muggle born wizards were allied with the muggles, they said, so they had to go. We were targeted-” 

“We?” 

Remus paused for the first time. His sigh almost broke him. “Yeah. I’m a half-blood.” 

Sirius kept himself together by cutting his omelette into neat squares. Something else his parents would have hated. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Remus continued. “We were targeted and had travel restrictions from the government, but a lot of resistance groups popped up. The Order of The Phoenix was the main one, and they lead a lot of the wizard on wizard fighting.”  _ The Order of The Phoenix-  _ Sirius recognizes that term. Remus says it the same way his father says Death Eater. “Then, they turned on the muggles. 

“They went into muggle spaces- sometimes their homes- and kidnapped them. If they had any kind of technology, they had to be exterminated. It wasn’t just common people- a lot of it were politicians. It caused the smaller countries in Eastern Europe to collapse completely. Sometimes, the Death Eaters would use their magic to destroy land and property, causing millions worth of damage and thousands dead.” His breath was shaky and he quickly wiped his face. Remus was crying, or trying very hard not to. “It ended when the Order was able to assassinate the Minister of Magic- Tom Riddle- and lead this police chase for every Death Eater across the continent and beyond. We needed to form a whole new government. To protect the muggles from further damage and allow them to heal, we needed to seclude ourselves from all kinds of muggle life. And that leads us to today.” Remus shrugged and took his first bite of his omelette. He was relieved, but Sirius felt like someone had thrown a baby at him and he was the father: he wasn’t prepared for this responsibility at all. There’s so much work to do now, and Sirius has no clue where to start. Remus doesn’t even know how bad it is. 

“I was told the Death Eaters were right,” he began hesitantly. His voice was humiliatingly small, and his omelette sliced but uneaten. He could hear his brother laughing at him. 

“Your family is full of assholes. I need to get you some books on, like, muggle culture. To educate you.” 

“Do you want to go to the bookstore?” 

Remus stopped eating his omelette. He seemed to buffer more these days; he'd pause his actions completely to stare off. He always appeared too anxious to be safe. 

Sirius knew the meaning behind his pause. He sucked in his breath, relishing the feeling of a full chest. It's the closest thing to real confidence, after all. "I miss you. I still want to hang out with you. I don't care that you are a werewolf. I was afraid at first, but I learned more about it and-" 

Remus pushed his plate back and began to stand. "I don't want your pity-"

Sirius slapped Remus' hand onto the table, keeping him from moving. "Let me finish. I learned more about it and I don’t see you as anything different.” Remus wouldn’t look at him. Sirius wished he could grab his face, but that would be too much. It would only scare both of them. “I  _ miss  _ you,” Sirius said. 

"So you know everything now." 

"Stop being angsty and vague and listen to me." 

"I don't want you to pretend-” 

"I'm not-" 

"No." Remus yanked his hand away. He might as well have grabbed Sirius’ heart from his chest and ripped it out. The chair scraped against the table as Sirius stood. It sounded like the scream he was dying to make. "Listen." Remus pushed both of his hands through his hair. “You don’t have to do this, okay? You don’t have to pretend that you’re fine with everything. You were raised by Death Eaters, away from everything else. I  _ know  _ what you think about me.” 

Sirius was stunned. Of course Remus was afraid of him: Sirius is a pure- no, dark wizard. Remus was protecting himself  _ from him.  _ It made him angry and shameful and electrified and silent. He settled on appearing stunned as Remus kept speaking. Ironically, Sirius understood every word. 

“I get it if you want to leave. I can get you a hotel room for the night. I don’t have much to offer, but I can get you out of here. Just don’t pretend you still  _ care-  _ I’ve had way too many people say that and then rat me out and I’ll…” Remus ran his hand across his face harshly. His eyes came up red and blurry. “Just please. Don’t make this harder. I’m sorry.”

Sirius blinked. He shut his mouth (he doesn’t know when it fell open). Remus picked up his plate and walked it to the sink.  _ He hadn’t even touched the omelet.  _

“Why are you sorry?” Sirius asked, turning his body around. 

Remus shook his head. “Why shouldn’t I be?” 

“Remus… Remus, oh my  _ goodness,  _ you can be so thick sometimes.” Sirius stomped over and crossed his arms to seem less like a little girl throwing a tantrum, but it didn't work in his favor. He had never been this angry before. Why wouldn't Remus see that he cared for him? They had a breakthrough last week- where had that gone? Standing now, Sirius' strong gaze forced Remus to look him in the eye. Surprisingly, he looked sad. The gold rim was peeking through the brown. There will be a half moon tonight. 

"Remus, I care about you. I do not care that you're a werewolf. You're not a monster. You're too kind and smart and witty to be one." Remus raised his eyebrow like he always did when Sirius offered him compliments. "You're also a stubborn ass and it drives me crazy, and I still care for you."

Remus fixed his eyes on the floor. 

“Did you not hear the first thing I said?  _ I miss you.  _ It’s not the same when you’re gone, and you’re gone all the time. I care about you and I know you care about me, too," Sirius stated. At least he hoped. It would be really embarrassing to be wrong in this situation. He couldn't afford it. But that's what confidence is for. (Right?) 

Remus remained silent. Sometimes Sirius wondered why he cared about this man so much. When they first met, Sirius windpipe was being crushed against a tree. Now, he’s biting back tears at the thought of losing him. 

“Say something,” Sirius said. 

Remus sighed. "Yeah, I do."

Sirius sighed in too much relief. "Good. You should." 

"Someones cocky." 

"You're changing the subject."

"You're a sap." 

Sirius scoffed dramatically.  _ "You're  _ a stubborn  _ ass,”  _ he retorted. Remus had the nerve to smirk. 

"I've been told." 

With a single inhale, Sirius summoned all the confidence he needed to ask the question he had rehearsed hours before: “Will you go to the bookstore with me?” 

Remus pushed his hair out of his eyes. It was obviously stalling. Sirius didn’t hold his breath, as much as he wanted to.  _ Confidence.  _ Finally, Remus answered.

“Sure.” 

Sirius couldn’t hide his smile this time. Remus just tilted his head at him with a small smile he probably didn’t notice. But Sirius did, and that giddy feeling returned. This is the feeling gamblers get on the verge of life-threatening addiction. But no one has to know. 

  
  
  


The bookstore was a  _ much  _ better place than the library. At first Sirius wasn’t very impressed, with the multiple tables promoting some romance novels and poetry Remus scoffed at. But he was led to an upstairs area with a big wood sign reading  _ NONFICTION.  _

“History would be here somewhere,” Remus said. Sirius almost didn’t hear; he was busy running his fingers along the spines of each book. “I wouldn’t know, though.” 

“You’re not much of a nonfiction person.” 

“I prefer to read things that don’t make me fall asleep, thanks.” 

Sirius gave Remus a dead look before an arrow pointing to the history section caught his eye. “I read the book you told me about last time we went to the library.” 

Remus’ eyes lit up.  _ “The Apothecary’s Secrets?”  _

“Yes. The apothecary wasn’t important to the story at all. It only showed up in the first two chapters until the characters left-” 

Remus slapped Sirius’ arm from behind. “It's for kids, calm down, Oliver.” 

“Help me find something accurate.” Sirius began scrutinizing the collection. He had been lied to all his life: now he needed to find out the truth. Most of the covers looked the same, with similar dramatic titles and overblown photography. One minimalist cover caught his eye.  _ The Great Wizarding War: The Good, The Bad, and The Bloody.  _ Good, it had everything he needed. He flipped through the inside, letting the slick pages and big words slip past his fingers. There were a few pictures here and there, nothing capturing his eye until close to the end. 

The picture sucked him in. Staring at it, he felt cold. Unsettled. He had seen this picture before. It was framed in the living room. 

_ The Death Eaters.  _

Right there, in the second row, were his parents. They looked exactly the same in this book as they did in his living room. But this time, there was a paragraph below.  _ The Death Eaters made it their life’s work to end muggle and magical relationships at any means. They believed that, since wizards are inherently superior, they had the right to own the land without muggle activity. Their work reached the government, and began to spread past Britain into other European countries.  _ The text continued on the next page, but he couldn’t read it. Instead, he flipped to the index. 

There: the fourth word, right below  _ Avery, Gerard. Black Family.  _ Next to it a list was a list of pages they were mentioned that wrapped across the page. Sirius might be sick. 

These are the people who raised him. Sure, they weren’t the most doting parents, but seeing them lined up and described as murderers made his head spin. Is this what Remus thinks of him? 

_ “You were raised by Death Eaters, away from everything else. I know what you think about me.”  _

It is. 

“Remus…” Sirius whispered. Louder: “Remus.” 

“Hey.” Remus looked over, obviously not looking at any of the books. He seemed to be focused in the opposite direction. Sirius held up the picture of the Death Eaters. 

“These are my parents.” 

Remus took the book from him, holding it a bit too recklessly. It should be held with gloves. Remus stared at the ink like he wanted to rip them off the page. 

“You’re not anything like them.” He handed the book back for Sirius to take. He let it hang there. “Are you okay?” 

_ Are you sure?  _ Sirius wants to ask. He needs reassurance that his entire upbringing wasn’t morally wrong. But why else would Lily be hiding? Why would Remus think he hated him? 

“I’m fine. Let’s get this book.” 

“Nothing else?” 

“I’m good.” 

“Want to get Chinese?” 

Sirius and Remus were doomed to forever have Chinese food whenever they went out together. After their first trip ghosthunting, they ended every day with lo mein, egg rolls, and fake fortune cookies. (Sirius wouldn’t learn they were fake until Remus found that he kept all the wrappers, and had to break the news to him between cackling. It was not one of Sirius’ best moments.) Remus had a map in his mind of where every Chinese restaurant was, so it wasn’t long until Sirius was back in a leather booth with jasmine tea and Remus across from him. 

“I wish I could go to China,” Remus said as he watched one of the lanterns. “Their food is probably much different than this, but a man could dream.” Suddenly, he focused back on Sirius, who was waving his hand over the steaming tea. “Hey, can I ask you something?” 

Sirius was hesitant. “Yes.” 

“Okay, so…” Remus pulled on one of the curls around his ear. “When did you find out?” 

The look on his face told the whole story. Sirius stopped waving at his tea so he could place his hands in his lap. “When did I know you had the problem?” Remus rolled his eyes but nodded. 

“Was it after the moon? When I ran off and came back... sick?” 

“It made me suspicious,” Sirius admitted, “but I was more worried then. I began looking into resources on magical illnesses until I found yours.” 

“Okay…” Remus’ face was unreadable. He wasn’t pulling at his hair anymore, which meant he wasn’t as anxious. But he still wouldn’t look away from the menu. It wasn’t like he was going to order anything other than his usual beef chow mein. “I was just wondering if I gave it away or not.” 

“I’m very intelligent.” 

Remus tilted his head slightly, more observational than mocking. “You are.” Sirius blinked. He hadn’t expected an agreement. “Unironically.” 

“Thank you.” 

Then that grin came. “You have your moments.” 

Sirius waited for the punchline. “And?” 

“No ‘and.’ You have your moments.” 

Sirius pulled at his shirt collar. He was starting to feel hot, though he had no clue why. “Is that a compliment?” 

“I’ve said nice things to you before.” 

That was true. Sirius still remembers the simple  _ It suits you. You’re a real modern bloke now,  _ from when Remus helped him grow his hair. He remembers  _ I’m getting way too attached to you,  _ although they were both drunk at the time. (That’s what he blames the butterflies on.) He remembers the short observations Remus has probably forgotten by now. Anyone else would not notice or ignore them, but Sirius knows him well enough. He remembers every signal one. 

This is the first time he’s felt warm. 

“You have,” Sirius agrees, because he doesn’t know what else to say. “You are, too. No one else knows exactly how to track and capture those monsters like you do.” 

“It’s just practice.” 

“No one else can do it like you. That’s why you’re always on the job.” 

“Okay, enough of that,” Remus hushes. Their server brings them their drinks and they order their usuals (neither of them need the menu anymore). Once she’s gone, the door chime rings with a clash. Someone had barged in with a wicked grin, flying a newspaper like a flag. 

“Have ye heard?” they were yelling, ecstatic. People stared in annoyance, but at least they had their attention.  _ “The Blacks are in Azkaban!”  _

Sirius and Remus immediately look at each other in horror. Others were gasping and whispering, not sure what yet to believe. The person could be drunk, or they could be out for his blood. 

“They found Orion and his sick kid! Ratted out the wife, they did! Now all threes locked in the cellar, never coming out!” 

“That dude killed my mother!” someone said in the back. With a confused yet excited look, they pushed through the crowd. “Is that guy getting what he deserves?” 

“All of that and  _ more!”  _

Sirius jumped when Remus grabbed his hand across the table. With a single look, they knew what to do. As the restaurant started cheering and people rejoiced at Sirius’ expense, they ran out into the street like lightning. Sirius noticed groups crowded in the street, celebrating the victory.  _ The war’s most infamous killers finally locked up!  _ He ran faster, ignoring how his boots were not made for running, and dodged past crowds to grab the first newspaper on the nearest concession stand. There, in the boldest of all prints, made it all true. 

_ BLACK FAMILY FINALLY IMPRISONED: JUSTICE IS SERVED.  _

Underneath, his parents stared at the camera between the Azkaban bars. Despite their prison clothes and the cuts and bruises on their face from fighting, their posture still held respect. His brother, behind his mother, was the only one not looking at the camera. 

Regulus had obviously done most of the fighting. He was young and impressionable, and their father probably forced his hand. There was a huge bruise down his neck and into his shirt. A broken collarbone? It was hard to tell behind the bars, where his younger brother would rot for the rest of his life. 

_ It’s not fair,  _ Sirius thought with sympathy.  _ They deserve this, _ the other side argued. 

He tossed the newsboy some coins and acknowledged Remus, who had been standing guard the whole time. 

“Floo,” Sirius demanded, “now.” 

“Let’s go.” 

With the same urgency they sprinted towards the floo. They were home within the minute, and Sirius came crashing onto the couch. Remus had the courtesy to sit on the edge, leaning over to read with Sirius. 

Sirius had to hand it to the journalist: it must have been hard trying to fit so many horrors into a page-long story, especially one that was supposed to be happy. It was so informative he wondered why he bought the new history book in the first place. His parents committed so many crimes it needed a bullet point list in a sidebar. The horrifying thing was: two months ago, Sirius would have agreed with most of them.  _ It’s only muggles,  _ he would have thought. 

Now the notion of this being any kind of acceptable made his skin burn. 

“Sirius.” Sirius refused to look up from his parents eyes. “You’re not like them.” 

“How can you say that?” Sirius responded, now examining Regulus’ figure. “You don’t know the full extent.” 

“Yeah, I don’t.” Remus’ honesty confused him, but Sirius didn’t pay more attention. “But I do know that… You’ve proved that you're ten times over what they could be.”  _ Ten times worse?  _ “I don’t know how you did it, but… you’re a good bloke, Sirius.” 

“Being a good bloke won’t cover all…  _ this.”  _ Sirius broke away from the paper to shove it towards Remus, with a strict finger directed at the bullet list. Remus just pushed it down. 

“You don’t have to cover it. No one knows, they think your brother is the only son.” 

“What if they tell?” 

“Then I’ll protect you.” 

Sirius’ guilt broke when he saw Remus’ face: he was biting the inside of his cheek hard, but his eyes were softer than cotton. This man was never a monster. 

Remus moved closer and wrapped his arm behind Sirius, pulling him into a side hug. Sirius let himself rest his head on his shoulder. His thoughts still flew through his mind, but as he sank into the touch they began to pass more like rushing water than flying wasps. Remus turned on the radio and they listened to someone talk about aliens. Remus only got up once to bring them snacks, and they sat listening to different radio stations for the rest of the night. Remus’ critical responses to the broadcasters and side jokes to Sirius chased away the picture of his family. After a few fours, Sirius fell asleep on the couch to a midnight special. Remus might have, too, but it was hard to tell. 

When he woke up, Remus was right there next to him. They had become more entangled as they slept, with his head falling onto Sirius’ shoulder and their legs twisted comfortably across the couch. The warm feeling from last night returned as Sirius processed their proximity. It was annoying, to be quite honest. At least Remus was still asleep. 

Sirius tried to peel himself off the touch without waking him, but Remus was a frustratingly light sleeper. Before he could even sit up, Remus was stretching. 

“Morning.” 

“Good morning.” 

With Remus awake, Sirius began to fully sit up without hesitation. He wanted to get up as quickly as possible and wash the warm feeling out of his face, but Remus put a hand on his shoulder. Suddenly he forgot why he wanted to leave in the first place. 

“Stay.” 

“Okay.” 

Sirius leaned back down and tossed his head over the couch. The ceiling was much less intimidating than Remus. He eventually followed and they watched the sunbeams float across the ceiling as the sun rose. 

“Hey, Sirius?” 

Sirius tilted his head towards Remus. He was blushing a tad bit, which made his nose pink. With alarm, Sirius realized he might look like that, too. “Yes?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Sirius blinked, and Remus’ reddened. He had the feeling this was an important question. He just couldn’t figure out what it meant. 

Remus was the first to stand. “I’m sorry, that was stupid,” he rushed. “I shouldn’t have asked that…” 

“Wait.” Sirius sat up. “What’s a kiss?” 

Remus’ embarrassment quickly shifted to tense confusion. “You… don’t know?” 

“No. Tell me.” 

“Dear Merlin, you’re exhausting.” Remus laughed with relief, his blush fading as he pulled on his hair. 

Sirius stood. “Why is that funny?” 

“Oh, Sirius.” Remus slapped a hand on his shoulder, grinning like a fool. “You’ll never have to know.” 

“I want to know.” Remus raised a finger in objection, still laughing to himself. The laugh was nice, but the reason behind it was not. 

“You will learn everything in due time, young grasshopper.” 

Sirius crossed his arms. “Stop teasing.” 

Remus walked away, still pulling his hair. “I’m making coffee.” 

“Fine. I’ll just ask James and Lily.” 

Remus’ laughter paused for a second as he processed Sirius’ threat, but he settled back into a satisfied smile as he looked for the coffee grounds. “Good luck with that.” Sirius opened his mouth to make another dramatic retort, but Remus’ quick turn distracted him. “Are you applying to that research position?” 

In all honesty, Sirius had completely forgotten about it. “I’m still thinking about it.” 

“Why?” Remus leaned back against the counter. The sunlight that was once on the ceiling was now dancing across his face, making his hair gold and his skin sparkling. “You’re the perfect fit.” 

“It’s a big consideration. I haven’t been on the mainland that long.” 

“But it’s the best way to explore it. Come, I think you should.” The coffee maker started ringing and Remus began pouring himself a cup. If only Remus could come. 

“You should apply, too,” Sirius offered. “You have creature experience.” 

Remus scoffed and shook his head. “I’m not much of a scientist. That’s all you. If you don’t apply, then I’m kicking you out of my house.” 

Sirius crossed his arms. He was glad Remus thought so highly of him, and the opportunity is definitely exciting, but the thought of being alone was equally paralyzing. But so was the idea of coming here a while ago. “Fine. I’ll apply.” 

Remus smiled as he drank his coffee. “Good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello and thank you to the three people who are still reading this lmao. yall own my heart <3
> 
> talk to me on tumblr please? proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	9. The Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has his interview for the research team on his last week with Remus.

Sirius got the interview immediately, thanks to a recommendation from Lily. The morning of was a Tuesday, with only five days left of his six week stay with Remus. They had gotten a lot closer since opening up about their past. Now their usual silences were filled with small, mumbled inside jokes and looks that communicated whole worlds over dinner. 

How was he going to live alone?

Now was not the time to worry about that. He was sitting outside the office in a nice navy button up James had picked out. He rehearsed key comments with Lily that could secure him the job. Sirius was the only one without a real resume or education, but she insisted he could still become a great researcher. 

As he reviewed his experience in his head, the door opened and the recent interviewee stepped out. Sirius searched their face for any kind of hint to how they felt, but his name was called and he quickly switched to a smile. 

Now or never. 

  
  
  


Sirius, in all honesty, doesn’t know if it went well or not. He hadn’t even known what an interview was before a week ago. But he got out everything Lily said to say, and the interviewer cared more about him than the questions on her sheet. Turns out Lily had told her a  _ lot,  _ and she mostly wanted to know how much of it was true. Sirius left feeling elated, a bit off guard, and with sparks in his stomach. It was seven o’clock, so the Potter’s shop was about to close. He flooed over to the street outside, and allowed himself into the empty store. 

No one was in the brewery, which surprised him. He could hear, however, familiar voices as he climbed the stairs. 

“I just hope he does well,” someone was saying. It didn’t take much to conclude it was Remus. Sirius knew exactly how his voice sounds by now. 

“We all do, mate.” That was obviously James.  _ Mate  _ was used as often as  _ the  _ in his vocabulary. “But you have to let yourself be happy, too, yeah?” Sirius pressed his ear to the door. He had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to be listening to this conversation, but that only made him more hungry to hear. 

“I am happy. I’ll be fine." 

“Is he still leaving next week?”    
  
“We haven’t talked about it yet. I just... “ A sigh. Remus was probably laying his head against the table now out of exhaustion. Sirius had to struggle to hear. “I’m going to miss him a lot more than he knows.” 

“You should tell him.

“Are you kidding? He’s so new to this stuff, it would only confuse him.” 

_ I wouldn’t be confused,  _ Sirius retorted in his head. 

“He’s a fully grown adult.” 

“I know.” 

“You could still talk to him, you know.”  _ Talk to me.  _ “You really like him, mate. This could end good.” 

Another sigh. “I don’t know how this happened. I’m  _ way  _ too attached to that bloke.” 

James chuckled. “Oh, believe me, I know.” 

Sirius’ heart swelled. He clamped his hand to his mouth to keep himself from saying anything in his excitement. Those words-  _ I’m  _ way  _ too attached to you-  _ were what Remus had said two weeks ago. So it  _ wasn’t  _ a drunken fluke! Sirius wanted to run up and down the stairs, find some outlet for his unknown energy, but he couldn’t give himself away. 

He had no clue why he felt so happy. This time he couldn’t push down the question, like he did with other things that threatened his confidence. It was right there behind that wall, making him feel incredibly warm in his light fabric. He tried to fight the smile, but it would only creep back up. By the time Sirius could keep cool, the room was silent for so long he thought they left. 

Sirius tentatively opened the door and entered the kitchen. Remus and James were sitting at the kitchen table over a plate of the caramel candies Remus always buys. Both looked a bit surprised by Sirius' arrival. 

James immediately sprung up. “How’d it go?” 

Sirius’ eyes first went to Remus, who was still sitting. A bit flushed, he sat eagerly waiting for Sirius’ answer. “I think it went well.” 

“That’s good, Sirius,” Remus answered, as James kept peppering questions Sirius couldn’t hear. 

Sirius might also be a bit too attached to Remus. 

“But do you think you got it?” James said, death grip on both of his shoulders. 

“I like to say I have a fairly good chance.” 

“That’s fantastic! Yeah, look, I’ll reheat some stuff for you, I made chicken masala last night. Lily’s gone shopping with Harry, but she’ll be ecstatic when she hears this, you know?” James began flying through the kitchen, pouring gravy and rice into a pot on the stove. Remus was saying something to James, but Sirius didn’t bother to listen. He only wanted to watch. 

Lily came home around twenty minutes later. As expected, she forced him to the couch and wrung out every detail from him. Sirius tried to rush through, but Lily wanted to listen more than anything. Remus was right behind her, giving him a bit of comfort and an understanding look every once in a while. 

Something about Remus was driving Sirius insane. It was frustrating that he couldn’t put a finger on it, and it only got worse as time went on. He still didn’t know what a kiss was. 

He could still ask. Lily was right there. Once Remus got up to get a drink, he began his quest: “Can I ask you a question in private?” 

“Of course,” she said without missing a beat. They walked down to the brewery, ignoring James’ calls, and sat at the only table without a cauldron. 

Sirius swallowed and pushed his tongue against the roof of his mouth. His mouth felt too dry to be healthy, but it was better to rip this off like a bandaid instead of stalling. “Remus asked to kiss a few nights ago.” Lily’s eyes widened, but she was polite enough to wait. Sirius felt that same warmth again. “I asked him what that meant, but he started laughing and wouldn’t tell me.” 

Lily blinked at him. Her jaw was slipping despite how hard she was trying to remain in control. “Do you know what a kiss is?” 

“No.” 

Lily covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. “Oh my goodness,” she kept saying. Sirius simmered in embarrassment. “You’ve seen James and I do it before! It’s a display of affection.” 

“What do you do?”

Lily went pink as she smiled. “Oh, how do I explain it. You press your lips together. Remus could show you.” Lily wiggled her eyebrows at him. Sirius might be having a heat stroke. 

“You’re terrible,” Sirius settled on saying. 

“And you’re  _ blushing.”  _ Lily’s smile was maniacal. 

_ Blushing.  _ Sirius' hand went up to his face. So that’s what he was doing. But he had never blushed before; why now? 

Lily leaned forward. “Do you want to kiss him, too?” 

Kissing is what Lily and James do. They’re ‘ridiculously and disgustingly in love,’ as Remus once explained it. It didn’t sound much like a good thing, but the idea of being like them wasn’t bad, either. They fit each other perfectly. Sirius likes to think that he and Remus fit. Would Remus agree? “I don’t know.” 

“Do you like him?” 

“Of course I do, he’s my friend,” Sirius replied, confused. 

“I meant: do you want to be more than friends?” Lily’s smile wasn’t going away anytime soon. 

Sirius fumbled with the question. He was never exposed to romance until he came to the mainland. The two fiction books he owned on the island never touched on that, and his parents weren’t the best model of a healthy relationship, either. “I want to be with him. I care for him a lot, and I really want to see him happy. I don’t know if that’s being more than friends, but that’s the truth.” Sirius paused, but Lily’s stare kept him talking. “Remus is great to be around. He’s kind and witty, though he never lets me compliment him. I think he’s really great. His smile is…” Lily clamped her hand to her face again, though it didn’t do much good. “Mesmerizing,” Sirius concluded, feeling the warmth creep back up. He was able to bite down the smile. “He’s pretty in a small way. I’m happy being his friend.” 

Lily pulled her hand down to reveal a carefully concentrated expression. She grabbed his hand tenderly. “Sirius, you might be in love with Remus.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You just said what it means. You should tell him.” 

“Why would I do that?” 

“Because you’ll never know what will happen if you don’t.” 

  
  
  


The next day, Sirius and Remus walked through the grey May morning to the Potter’s. Sirius had four days left with Remus. He counted them down like minutes until the end of the world. 

James and Lily were waiting for them in the brewery. All their work for the last six weeks had been working up to this moment. Lily was in her brewer’s robes, now stained green and purple despite multiple washings. She held the potion, glimmering black, in a glass vial to her chest. James was bouncing on his feet.    
  


Remus looked like he was trying very hard to keep a still expression. “It’s time.” 

“The final product,” James said. “You know what will happen?” Remus nodded. Lily handed him the vial. Sirius stared with anticipation. Something in him wanted to hold Remus’ hand, though he knew that would be too much. 

They all had been working on this potion to ease Remus’ transformations. Remus explained it after he revealed his lycanthropy, and everything fell into place. The aconite reduces supernatural pain, the sopophorous juice is an anesthetic and everything else works to join their properties together. With this new information, the grand reveal felt ten times scarier than normal. They all felt it: Lily stood paralyzed, the bags under her eyes large enough to hold cauldrons. James couldn’t stop fidgeting, running his hands through his hair like a comb. Remus, surprisingly, was the calmest one, staring at the light bouncing through the potion. 

“Take it like a shot,” James offered. Remus nodded, undone the vial, and drank it. 

He gagged immediately. “This shit is  _ disgust-”  _

“Drink it quickly!” Lily commanded. “Don’t stall, it won’t work!” 

Remus pinched his nose and threw back the rest. He bent over, gasping for air. James cheered and gave Remus a strangling hug. “How do you feel, mate?” 

“I feel like I drank spicy sewer water that sat in the sun for a year.” 

“Atta boy!” 

“You’ll have to take it everyday until the full moon next week,” Lily said, smiling with relief. 

Remus straightened up and gratefully accepted the glass of water Lily offered. “Can’t I add sugar or something?” 

“No, no no no,” James answered. “It’ll ruin everything, yeah? Just take it every morning,  _ never skip,  _ with  _ no additives.  _ And you’ll be fantastic!” 

“Good.” Remus' small smile grew into a grin he hid behind his water. He turned to Sirius, which almost made his heart explode. “You really think this is going to work?”

“I’m certain,” he replied, matching the smile. 

Lily invited them all upstairs for breakfast, which would be her signature French toast. Sirius stirred the batter while James and Remus played with Harry, who had just woken up. Remus was lighter today, and Sirius couldn’t help but watch. 

“You’re staring,” Lily whispered in his ear, making him jump. Sirius stopped his mixing to glare at her. 

“I was not.”

“You were. I stand by what I said last night.” She pointed her spatula at him. “You should tell him.” 

Sirius only rolled his eyes, but a question popped into his head. “How do you kiss someone?” he whispered back. 

Lily gave him the same look she gives Harry when he’s done something cute. He felt warm again. “It’s hard to explain. You’ll have to ask Remus.”

“Oh, stop.” 

Lily giggled and took the batter away from him, ready to start making the toast. “You’re too fun. I’m going to miss you when you’re gone.” 

“I haven’t heard back from the interviewer yet.” 

“Oh, please. You got the job. Now back off and let me cook, please.” 

Sirius took off the apron and moved to the den, where James and Remus were trying to copy a dance Harry was making up. Or was it the other way around? It was hard to tell, but the two men were obviously having more fun than the baby. 

“Sirius!” James cried when he saw him. “Come join us, my lad. Harry is teaching us his spectacular moves.” Harry, as babies often do, rolled back on the floor, giggling. Remus and James tried to copy but only bumped into each other. 

“You two are idiots,” Sirius said. 

Remus waved him over. “Come,” was all he said. Sirius followed. James picked Harry up from the ground and twirled him in the air. Remus and Sirius were sitting next to each other on the carpet. 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Remus said. He still had a residual smile, something that used to be a lot rarer to Sirius. 

“What do you need to talk about?” 

“So when we first met, we agreed that you’d only stay with me for six weeks.” 

Sirius’ stomach dropped. He should’ve seen this sooner. “Oh.” 

“That was only because I didn’t want you around enough to figure out I’m a werewolf,” he explained sheepishly. He was tugging on his curls again. “But now you know, and I trust you, so if you want to stay a bit longer…” Remus looked up, releasing his grip on his hair. “You can.” 

“Thank you, Remus.” 

“Have you thought of applying to other jobs around?” 

“I haven’t had much time to look.” 

“I could help. You could get your own flat.” 

Remus’ generosity was too much. Sirius wanted to stay, but didn’t want to live off him forever. His mind was tied up in knots. In some ways, moving away for research would help. In others, it might leave him on a cold ship tied up by his own despair. Sirius was never the best at decision making. 

“That would be nice,” he replied instead. He remembered Lily’s urges to tell Remus how he felt, but someone else’s home didn’t seem like the best place. Plus: why should he rush? He had time to process everything going on inside of him, and enough time to determine if Remus could possibly feel the same way. (Right now, there was about a thirty three percent chance of that happening.) 

“Breakfast is ready!” James called. 

  
  
  


Sirius heard back from the interviewer on Friday. (Ironically, it was supposed to be his last day with Remus.) A large white owl dropped off a thick envelope during breakfast. Sirius was the first to see it, as Remus was still in the shower. 

It was way too big to be a rejection letter. But what could anyone possibly fill an envelope like this with? 

Sirius carefully peeled open the envelope, failing to keep all the paper intact. He pulled out a pamphlet with big pictures of nature and scientists, and a single slip of paper with neat typing. He caught it before it fell to the floor, and read too quickly to absorb all the information. 

_ We are pleased to offer you the position of junior researcher on our team.  _

Sirius couldn’t contain the grin. He sank into his chair, staring at the pamphlet and slip like it was the Rosetta stone. The pictures were breathtaking, and he knew he would be doing breathtaking work there. Why did they want a young runaway without any research experience? Sirius has no clue, and that only makes him float more. He was chosen. 

Remus came out of the shower when Sirius was reading the offer slip for the third time. “Is that from your interview?” Sirius didn’t have to nod or move at all. His smile gave it away. Remus, still looking a mess after his shower and in his pajamas, grew into his own grin. “Sirius!” 

“This is fantastic…” 

_ “Sirius!”  _ Remus was laughing now as he pulled Sirius up and into a hug. Sirius was surprised, but when Remus tried to let go he pulled right back in, standing on his tip-toes. “You did it,” Remus said into his ear. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re going to do amazing.” 

Sirius was hyper-aware of Remus’ arms around his waist. “Thank you for helping me.” 

Remus pulled back and slapped Sirius’ arm. “It was all you, Oliver.” 

“I wouldn’t have applied without you.” 

“Really?” Remus titled his head, eyes big. 

“I wanted to. You gave me more support, so thank you.” 

Remus’ smile morphed into something smaller, his eyes going soft. “I’m glad you got in.” 

Then Sirius remembered. He has to leave. 

It hit Sirius like a bag of bricks and cracked open his chest. How long would he be away? 

_ Now is not the time to be afraid,  _ Sirius reasoned. He was still excited, more so than he had ever been in his life. But excitement always comes with fear, and this is it. Fear of being alone.  _ Which is ridiculous,  _ Sirius reminds himself as he maintains his smile. To celebrate, Remus tries to make pancakes. There will be no celebratory pancakes on the research team. If there are any, Remus won’t be there, which might be for the best because he isn’t the greatest pancake chef. Next week, Sirius will be on a boat sailing for southern Europe searching for poisonous plants and trying to un-poison them. (He didn't fully read his acceptance, so he's still guessing about the research project.) It’s exhilarating, but without Remus, Lily, and James? It leaves a hole he doesn’t know will be filled. 

The boat left on Wednesday. Sirius began packing on Tuesday. He had acquired significantly more stuff in the last six weeks, and had to buy some more for the job (he has a  _ job),  _ so he spent the better part of the afternoon cramming things into his suitcase. Would he really need three sun robes for the southern heat and marine work? He has no clue, but it’s what the pamphlet says to bring. He won’t show up underprepared on his first day. 

The sound of the front door opening distracted Sirius from folding the robes. Remus came in, carrying bags from the grocery store, and he quickly got up and took some from him. 

“Thanks,” Remus said. He dropped whatever he had left on the table and stretched back. “You’re packing?” He glanced over at the mess on the carpet. “Or hiding stolen goods?” 

“Ha ha. Yes, I’m packing.” 

Remus nudged a stray sleeve under the pile with his foot. “Are those robes bright red?” 

“They’re sun robes. They’re meant to keep you cool in extreme heat.” 

Remus turned around to raise an eyebrow at Sirius. “What about extreme hideousness?” 

“You shouldn’t be the one talking. I’ve never seen you in a color brighter than mustard yellow.” 

Both of Remus’ eyebrows went up with that. “Damn. I didn’t expect that, Oliver.” 

Sirius smirked. “Thank you. I’ve been practicing.” 

The corners of Remus’ mouth ticked up. It was hard to see as he focused on unbagging the groceries. Sirius noticed it was significantly less than usual; he wouldn’t be there anymore, so Remus only needed enough food for one person. “Glad to see you’re breaking out of your eighteenth century English accent. It was getting a bit annoying.” 

“I don’t have an eighteenth century Welsh accent. I’m not Welsh.” 

“Then how’d you get the accent, Oliver?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes in response. He was getting better at comebacks, but Remus would always be first. Not that he exactly minded. If it made Remus happy, so be it. 

They put away all the groceries together in a soft quiet. This would be a good time to tell Remus how he felt. Sirius didn’t exactly know what that meant yet, but he was running out of time. How would he start?  _ I know I’m leaving tomorrow and I don’t know exactly when I’ll be back, but I want you to know that I’m obsessed with you. Also, yes, you  _ can  _ kiss me.  _ Even in his head he sounds like a stalker. And Remus is so close, now hanging up the tote bags on the jacket hooks six feet away. It’s exactly the right time, but Sirius’ tongue is tied up in knots and no one is going to teach him how to undo them. Instead, he sets back to packing again. They can always talk on the pier. There will be a lot of people, but at least he can write a script for himself. Sirius knows anything he’ll improvise will make Remus run. That would be worse than any other scenario. 

There’s also the possibility that Remus does not feel the same way. It sinks into Sirius’ stomach like a slow moving brick. Forcefully folding his cotton shirts doesn’t make it go away. 

“Need some help?” 

Sirius looks up. It’s Remus. That shouldn’t be a surprise, seeing as they have been living together for over six weeks now. But he’s alarmed all the same. 

“That would be great. Thank you.” Remus nods and kneels next to the suitcase. He grabs a cotton shirt Sirius was about to work on. “Never fold cotton,” Remus explains, fanning it out in front of him, “roll it so it doesn’t wrinkle.” He rolled it up nicely, sleeved tucked into the edges. No one will teach him that on the research team. 

Sirius tries it. “Thank you.” 

“I’m going to miss you when you’re gone,” Remus says timidly. His face is sprinkled with pink. “I got used to you.” 

Sirius stops folding. “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll come back.” 

“When?” 

Sirius doesn’t have an answer, so he makes one up. “As soon as I can. I’ll send letters until then.” 

“I know you will.” Remus puts the last of the shirts in the suitcase. Most of the pile of stuff is gone now. He has nothing to do with his hands than tug on that same curl again. “I’ve gotten used to your Scottish accent.”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Is that all you’ll miss me for?” 

Remus goes from pink to a full red along his cheeks, almost meeting the bridge of his nose. Sirius doesn't understand why, but it's always nice and interesting to watch. He tries to quell his rising heartbeat by organizing all his journals in the side pocket of his suitcase. 

“You’re nice to have around,” Remus finally says. “I’ve been alone for a while before you came, travelling around. I really thought I’d hate you… Let’s just say I don’t anymore.” 

Remus flustered is a very fascinating thing. It’s hard to imagine him with the hidden cloak and sharp knives he had when they first met. (Sirius knows he always has those knives on him, even now.) Here he is, blushing like a school girl, sitting on a carpet helping Sirius move away. It’s kind of funny. 

“What’s so funny?” 

Sirius’ smile breaks into a laugh. “You’re blushing.” 

Remus immediately began helping Sirius pick up all his journals, as if doing something was the only thing keeping him from death. “I’m twenty-one years old, I don’t blush.” 

“Yes you do, you’re doing it right now.” He glared at Sirius. “You’re not intimidating, either. I know your secrets.” 

“I still-” 

_ “Have my knives,”  _ Sirius finished in an imitation. Deja vu. “You don’t scare me anymore.” 

Remus made a big show of rolling his eyes. Sadly, his blush began to fade as they wrapped up the packing. Once the suitcase was zipped, Sirius knew it was now or never. 

“Remus, can I kiss you?” 

Remus jerked up, blush back in full play. With his eyes wide and nose turning red, you’d have no idea he was a ferocious werewolf. He opened and shut his mouth as Sirius stood in complete observation. It would have been funny if nerves weren’t eating him alive. 

“Do- do you even  _ know  _ what a kiss is?” Remus stuttered. 

“I asked Lily.” 

Remus groaned in realization. “Oh, of  _ course  _ you did. Did she put you up to this?” 

“No! I want to kiss you.” 

Remus shut his mouth, staring into Sirius. His eyes were now a pleasant mix of gold and brown, like honey melting into chocolate. Sirius was getting distracted, so he forced himself to stare at his nose. Yes, that’s a neutral area. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” Remus asked, voice much quieter now. 

Sirius felt himself heat up. It must be his turn to grow red. He shook his head. 

“That’s okay.” Remus leaned across the suitcase. Sirius tried to fill the gap but couldn't bring himself to touch him. Touching was still new: touching still felt electric, like that first broom ride six weeks ago. His arms felt like dead weight all of a sudden, dragging him down like a fool. Despite all his nerves, he put them on Remus’ shoulders. This was the most intimate Sirius had ever been with anyone in his life. Of course he had hugged Remus before, but this was a whole new level. He felt like he was giving away a piece of his soul. In exchange for what? Sirius was about to find out. 

Remus placed a tender hand on his cheek. Quickly, Sirius was pulled in and, before he knew it, he was kissing Remus. 

Sirius Black was kissing Remus Lupin. 

_ It’s better than flying.  _

Remus tasted like caramel. His lips were soft. His hand on his face was the only thing keeping him on the ground while everything inside him swelled. All this adrenaline would kill him. 

Then Remus pulled away.  _ That  _ is what killed him. 

“That’s a kiss,” Remus said, stepping back. He was still pink. Sirius probably was, too. “So now you know.” 

“That was fantastic,” Sirius said, voice so small he was scared it would fly away in the wind. Then the largest grin of his life came. He had to hide it with his hands, though he know it was no use. 

“Hey,” Remus said, chuckling. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” 

“No, not at all.” 

  
  
  


Lily, James, Harry, and Remus all accompanied Sirius to the piers on Wednesday. This early, there was only one boat: the research group’s. Seeing it in person was jarring: this is where Sirius would spend his days, at least for the next month. He would eat, sleep, and experiment here every day. No more brewery, no more midnight runs to the library because the potion smelled funky. The potion was already made and working. Sirius is ready for the next chapter of his life. 

“This is it, Sirius!” James said, declaring to the whole pier. “Your new life of world-changing discovery has begun! Harry, you’re excited for Sirius, yeah?” He beant over the stroller where Harry was hidden and gave him a big smile, which he mimicked. 

“You’ll do great, Sirius,” Lily offered, a calm contrast to her husband. Her smile was enough to keep him together. 

“Thank you guys for taking me in, for giving me this opportunity, for everything. I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.” 

“That’s true,” Remus agreed, earning a hurt look from Sirius. “Hey, you said it yourself.” 

They stayed there a while, chatting in the cool morning. It was Sirius’ last moment of normalcy he would get before sailing around Europe, then maybe the world. He wanted to drink it all in. He also really, really wanted to kiss Remus one last time. 

A horn went off on the ship, following an announcement of departure in five minutes. “I guess that’s our cue,” Lily said with a sad smile. “We’ll see you soon, Sirius. You better write everyday.” 

Sirius returned the smile. “I promise.” 

“I’ll send food over. It doesn’t look like you’ll be getting anything good on a ship, alright? I’ll be saving your neck,” James added with a wink. 

Sirius said goodbye to Harry with a little fist bump, and finally Remus was the only one left. 

“Don’t miss me too much, Oliver,” Remus said, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

“I’m going to miss you with every inch of my soul.” 

“Okay, that’s enough.” 

“You’ll forever be in my dreams.” Sirius finally got a laugh out of Remus, satisfying that itch. (If he had to leave without making him laugh one last time, then he might as well suffocate right here.) Remus pushed his arm. Sirius couldn’t help but notice the lightest shade of pink in his face. It reminded him of something. 

Sirius' grin grew across his face. “Can I kiss you again?” 

Remus sighed. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask that.” He grabbed the front of Sirius’ sweater and pulled him in. Sirius’ hands went straight to his face, his lips immediately to the others. As soon as it happened he heard James whooping, which meant he had been watching from afar. He wasn’t exactly mad. 

This kiss was longer than the last. Sirius wanted to merge their bodies together so they could both go on that ship together. He’ll remember this moment forever: the slow breeze blowing into them, the softness of Remus’ robes and the warmth of his face under his hands, the magic in Sirius’ chest that he finally realized was unadulterated obsession. Sirius would have stayed glued in this way forever if the ship horn hadn’t gone off again. 

Remus pulled away first. He was saying something, but Sirius was too busy trying to memorize all the different shades that swirled together to make Remus’ eyes. 

“Sirius?” 

“Yes?” 

Remus slapped his arm. “You’re getting better.” 

"Better at kissing?" 

Remus slapped his shoulder hard. "Yes, Oliver." 

Sirius basked in the glory of watching Remus blush again. “Thank you.” 

“You should go.” 

“You need to let go of me first.” 

Remus reluctantly let go. Sirius immediately felt the cool breeze against his chest again and realized just how much he’d miss him. 

“I’m going to miss you alot, Remus.” 

With a final smile, Remus said, “I’ll miss you more.” 

Sirius picked up his suitcase and rushed onto the boat with the rest of his team. When he tried to look back, he couldn’t see Remus through the crowd. 

_ I’m in way over my head.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my birthday was this week so yall BETTER hype this up thanks love yall :) 
> 
> follow me on tumblr maybe? proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


	10. The Beginning (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius comes home.

_ Dear Remus,  _

_ The owls go off from the boat once a week, so that’s when I’ll be writing you letters. It might take more time for you to receive them, because I’m currently sailing to southern Spain, but at least we have a way of communicating.  _

_It’s my third day on the boat. The first day was spent community building. You would have hated it. We did name games and got to know each other, but the second day was all research prep. There’s a lot_ _to do for this boat before we’re ready to begin our research. We have to reorganize the decks so we can do marine and plant work later, which is a lot of heavy lifting and sorting through trash. (There’s no place to put your trash on a boat, either. You just have to hold onto it until you reach land.) Once we get to southern Spain we’ll begin our work._

_ I got my first mission assignment! I’ll be doing groundwork for the first week, which means collecting the different plants we need and growing them in our greenhouse on deck. It’s very similar to the work I did for the sopophorous and aconite, but after that I’ll be doing more biological work.  _

_ Being here feels so surreal. First I was alone on the island for twenty years, then I adapted to being with you everyday. This is the most people I have ever had to work with. I won’t lie: it can get overwhelming, but I’m learning to handle it.  _

_ Anyway, how are you? You’ll be sick again in two days: you better not be drinking and running around again. You’ll get yourself hurt, and I won’t be coming back to a Remus Lupin in tatters.  _

_ I do hope you’re taking care of yourself. I miss you every hour. I know you hate hearing this, but all these people I’m staying with are nothing compared to you. (I can’t kiss any of them, either.)  _

_ Write back quickly before my heart breaks,  _

  * _S.O._



Sirius carefully folded his letter in a neat rectangle before slipping it into his envelope. His dorm was filled with quiet, and it made him realize just how small it was. The walls hugged the twin size bed, and only four square feet stood between the foot and the door. At least the bed had some drawers for his belongings. Otherwise, he spent his nights hunched over his bed, writing letters before he passed out from exhaustion. 

A group of owls went out every morning with all the team’s mail. Sirius made sure he was the first one awake to send out his letter. It was the beginning of his fourth day on deck, but he still missed his found family with every ounce of him. Strange: he rarely thought of the island when with Remus. 

The day after they landed in southern Spain, before they began to unpack the ship, the owls came back with parcels and letters for the team. As soon as Sirius got his, he ripped open the first letter on the deck. His smile couldn’t wait when he saw the name on the envelope. 

_ Sirius,  _

_ Glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself. We’re all missing you here in boring Scotland. Now that you’re gone, I’ve finally noticed how quiet my flat is. Send me a mixtape or something to replace you, it’d be greatly appreciated.  _

_ I’ve been taking your potion every night for the last week. (The taste never got better, by the way.) I’ve never had a better transition. Instead of feeling like my entire body was being rearranged (which is what’s happening, technically), it felt more like a hard pressure on my bones, which is much easier to handle. I slept through most of the night, and woke up without any injuries. I could never thank you enough for this. Come home soon so I can hug you again.  _

_ I hope you’re not just doing groundwork. You’re way too smart to be stuck gardening. Tell me when you start doing the biological work. I don’t know exactly what that entails, but I’ll learn for you.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Remus Lupin.  _

Sirius’ smile grew into a grin as he read the sign-off. He felt like a teenager, but it still made his heart race. 

“Why are you smiling so much?” 

Sirius jumped as he noticed the man next to him. Peter Pettigrew, another newcomer who was also on ground work, cringed as he realized his fault. “Sorry, it’s a bad habit. Anyway, what’s got you smiling?” Sirius clung the letter to his chest, but he couldn’t hide his expression. 

“My friend wrote back,” he answered. 

“Looks like more than a friend to me.” 

Sirius wondered what made this Peter Pettigrew think he could come into his business like this. But, in all honesty, Sirius was too excited to keep this to himself. Though it brought up an interesting question: were he and Remus still friends? 

Their first kiss didn’t seem to change much about the nature of their relationship. Not even Remus’ original offer changed much, excluding Sirius’ extreme curiosity. Sirius’ realization of his feelings definitely changed some things, but how so? Enough for them to move from friends to significant others? Is there a more suitable in between? The question makes his face warm, and Peter raise an eyebrow. 

Sirius rushes to his dorm as soon as possible to write back. He doesn’t bother to read James and Lily’s letter first, though he sets them on his pillow so he won’t forget them. 

_ Dear Remus,  _

_ I’m so excited to hear the potion has been working. You shouldn’t try and thank me: helping you was the least I could offer for your help. In truth, I don’t think I’ll ever not be in your debt. Maybe a few more kisses could satisfy? (I’ve kissed the envelope before I sent it, by the way, so cherish this.)  _

_ I was wondering: what are we? I love being your friend, but honestly, I think we could be something more. We didn’t have time to talk this out before I left, and I don’t know when I’ll be home and for how long, but in the meantime I’d like to sort this out. I understand if you want to stay open. I’ll follow your lead on this: you have more social experience, I’ll admit.  _

_ No, I won’t just be doing groundwork. We’ll begin the more biological work once everything is collected. Until then, I’ll be imagining you as I weed the gardens. It sounds so mundane already.  _

_ You haven’t told me what you’ve been up to in your last letter. What jobs are you working on, now? Anything bad on at the pub? Has James done anything embarrassing? You’re doing an awfully bad job at making me miss you.  _

_ In anticipation,  _

  * _S.O._



The next day, Sirius and his team left the ship for the first time. The cool breeze and solid ground was a welcome reprieve after a week and a half. His sun robes did a good job at keeping him cool under the beating Spanish sun (though the bright color did make him feel ridiculous). Their director, Mad-Eye Moody, was already calling out instructions for every researcher as he stomped down the boat lift. He ordered the groundwork team- which included Sirius and Peter- to set out north towards the wetlands and begin scavenging. Peter grumbled, but Sirius said, “Yes, sir,” and walked away from the boat almost immediately.

Peter hopped towards him. “Are you actually excited for groundwork?” 

“I’m familiar with it,” Sirius replied. 

“That doesn’t make it any more fun, though. If I wanted to garden, I would’ve stayed at home with my mum. Why are you so excited, anyway?” Sirius got the impression Peter was just saying things to create some kind of dynamic between them so he wouldn't be alone, with no real interest in Sirius as a person. If he didn’t answer this question, the poor lad would probably start talking about the weather with a tad too much enthusiasm. 

“This sort of groundwork was the first real research work I’ve ever done. It was with aconite first, then I worked with a lot of sopophorous for six weeks.” 

“Sounds like a thrill.” 

“It was.” Sirius’ nostalgia overrode Peter’s sarcasm. “This won’t take long. After a week, we’ll be able to do the real research we were hired for.” 

Peter shrugged. “I’m just a newbie. Hey.” He grew an unnaturally mischievous smile. “Did you write back that girl you heard from the other day?” 

Sirius hoped the heat on his face wasn’t too apparent. “It wasn’t a girl.”

“Oh, a boy? That’s cool.” Peter’s smirk was starting to annoy him. 

“Why are you so interested?” 

“I see the way you read that letter yesterday. And it wasn’t hard to spot you rushing up to the owls this morning. Come  _ on,  _ you got someone waiting on you?” 

Sirius trudged forward and ducked his head to focus on the path instead of his growing embarrassment. (Talking about Remus in such a way seemed to do that to him.) Peter didn’t seem to be backing off, and he didn’t want to be rude, so Sirius wasn’t left with much of a choice. 

“His name is Remus,” he tentatively began. “We met about two months ago. He saved me from… a really dangerous situation. We were roommates since then, and before I left we kissed.” Maybe if he stared into the horizon like a target, he could stop blushing. 

“Just a kiss?” 

Sirius sighed. Why was he telling a stranger this? “We didn’t have time to sort out anything.” 

“Did you write him that?” 

No, Sirius did not. He wished he hadn’t sent his letter so quickly now. 

The Meditteranean heat was good for helping him forget the small ache in Sirius’ chest whenever he was offered black coffee. He made friends quickly, and after work they’d explore the nearby villages. Sirius didn’t know any Spanish, but Tonks, an experienced researcher despite being only nineteen, taught him some in quick bursts between shifts. He can’t conjugate much, but at least he can tell a taxi driver to go fuck himself with a perfect accent. 

At night, Sirius’ first instinct was to rush to Remus and tell him everything. Instead, he’d only find his quickly depleting rolls of parchment. Their letters to each other got longer and more detailed, but every time they’d avoid the subject: could Sirius and Remus be more than friends? 

In his second letter, Remus recommended they wait until Sirius came home to sort that out. He then immediately began talking about a group of bikers he met while traveling for another ghost hunt. Sirius would always slip little admirations into his notices:  _ it’s not as fun without you here, I wonder how your eyes would sparkle under these Spanish stars?  _ With Peter’s help, he got more creative with each letter. Remus would never join in- he was too prideful for shameless flirting- but his awkward snipes and sign-offs told Sirius enough. 

Tonks, Peter, and Sirius formed their own group on the ship. As the only new comers, they ate and hung out after work together, never breaking their bond. Peter would go on and on about how great Spain was compared to his Irish farm life. Tonks would ask if he ever fucked a cow and cackled as Peter turned red. Sirius always said Scotland when asked for his home town. If they asked more, he would start talking about Remus, James, Lily, and Harry. No need to go into his birth family. (Sirius still had a plan for taking all them home, but with his new knowledge on the Great Wizarding War and them all in an inescapable prison, he threw those thoughts into the bottom of the sea.) 

With Tonks by his side, Peter grew more confident in questioning Sirius’ relationship. As he got more comfortable, Sirius divulged more.    
  


“I really miss him,” Sirius said one night when they were lying on the deck, watching the sun set. “I wish I told him more before I left. The kiss was fantastic, but I should have told him. We’re holding off the subject until I get back home, but dear Merlin, I’m in way over my head with him.” 

“We know, Sirius,” Tonks replied, grabbing his shoulder from her upright position. “When are you proposing?” 

“Tonks, haven’t you remembered? Sirius isn’t in love yet.” 

“Being in love takes a considerable amount of time and care to build that respect!” Sirius quoted Lily to defend himself. His pout did take away from his argument, however. 

“So Sirius has a crush?” Tonks inquired. 

Sirius rolled his head to stare at Tonks. “You are insufferable.” 

Tonks’ teasing of a ‘crush’ continued through the next days, Sirius becoming more and more frustrated as it went on. Because, in truth, her arguments made sense to him. Sirius, after three months of knowing Remus, finally discovered his crush. 

It all came rushing back when they met again. 

The research team was in Spain for two months. They were returning to Scotland for a month to gather more supplies, share their findings, and recruit new members. Sirius was invited to follow them again to Morocco with Tonks and Peter, but in the meantime: another month with Remus. 

Sirius stood on deck, watching the pier come closer and closer. Every inch brought him more excitement and more nausea. He knew, if Peter or Tonks could see him, they’d tease him for leaning off the edge like he was in on the Titanic. But with this much energy running around inside of him, the only thing he could focus on was pacing and rehearsing what he’d say to Remus in his head. 

_ I missed you more than I could ever say. I might be in love with you, but I’ll have to wait and find out-  _ no, way too forward and way too vulnerable.  _ How have you been? I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.  _ Short and sweet, but it doesn’t carry the same emotion pounding Sirius on the head with a hammer. What to say? 

Sirius fought the urge to duck when he could make out the different figures on the pier. Families with signs were up front, but he knew Remus would be in the back. James might be up front, but hopefully they could all be together. When Mad-Eye Moody called around the ship for the team to “head out or I’ll light a fire under ye arses,” Sirius picked up his bag and was the first to step onto the pier. 

His eyes scourged the pier like an eagle. He swam through different people until finally, just where Sirius thought he’d be, he saw Remus. 

Though Scotland was much cooler than Spain, it still held a good amount of heat in early July. Enough heat for Remus to wear short sleeves. The maroon of his shirt suited him well. Everything about Remus suited him; after so much time apart, Sirius found everything about him awe striking again. 

Sirius opened his arms five feet from Remus. He followed and caught the other in a hug that lifted Sirius’ off the ground. Damn his bags- they lay on the floor abandoned. They only blocked his path. Remus still smelled like coffee and caramel candies. 

“I missed you,” Remus said. Sirius could feel his voice in his chest, and the vibration traveled through to his. It was magnetic. 

“I missed you more than you’ll ever know.” Sirius tried to remember what he had rehearsed, but as his toes touched the ground again he forgot everything. Staring at Remus now felt like staring into the dark ocean. So breathtaking and incredibly terrifying in the same way. 

“Are you two done?” James was standing by with his hands on his hips, a devilish smirk. Remus looked like he wanted to wipe it off his face. His smile only grew wider. “Sirius! Sirius, it has been so  _ long,  _ you need to tell me  _ everything-”  _

“Don’t swarm him,” Lily intervened, pushing Harry’s stroller. She smiled tenderly at Sirius. “Hello, Sirius. We missed you like crazy.” 

Since when did Sirius know so many people? 

“I missed all of you the same.” Sirius picked up his bags reluctantly. They felt heavier now. 

“I think you’ve tanned,” Lily said. 

“Yeah, what are you doing over there, mate?” James added. 

Remus raised both of his hands. “I think we can discuss this somewhere other than a busy pier.”

Sirius nodded with relief. “Yes, anywhere other than here.” 

Lily guided them to a small cafe a ten minute walk from the pier. Sirius kept close to Remus during those ten minutes, but they never spoke. James pried Sirius for every detail of his research, while Remus listened, asking questions when appropriate. He only addressed Sirius directly once they were walking into the cafe. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said, “I’ve been third wheeling them for weeks.” His tone was disinterested, but his smile totally gave away his intentions. 

“Aw, I missed you too, Remus.” Remus rolled his eyes and placed his hand on his heart. 

Sirius forgot how much fun they could have together. Even Harry was laughing along with James’ terrible impressions, Lily’s stories of mishaps at the hospital, and Remus’ cleverly crafted comments thrown around like commas. Tonks and Peter were definitely fun, but this was Sirius’ family. 

When the end of their lunch rolled around, Sirius remembered the question Peter had pounded into his head. As he and Remus flooed home, he rehearsed it in his thoughts, like he always did for important Remus events. He brought it up as soon as they were in the safety of their living room. 

“Remus, can we be more than friends?” 

Remus turned around. He didn’t look exactly surprised, though maybe a bit unsettled. Sirius reprimanded himself- why hadn’t he waited? He could have brought it up slowly, but now it was too late. “I’m sorry,” he continued. “I’ve been waiting to ask you that, but it’s okay if you-” 

“I would love to,” Remus interrupted, “I just don’t know if I can.” 

Sirius’ heart rose and sank so quickly his blood pressure couldn’t keep up. He could have a stroke this way. “What do you mean?” Remus sighed. Sirius raised his hand. “Do not say it’s because you’re a werewolf. We had this conversation.” 

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Remus said, though his posture was too sulken for him to be telling the full truth. “Do you have to go back?” 

“I’ve been invited to another mission to Morocco.” 

Remus waved his hand as if that explained everything and plopped down on the couch. “And how long will you be gone?” 

Sirius knew where this was going. “I still want to be with you.” 

“How? You’ll be in a different continent.” 

Sirius swallowed hard, his throat feeling like sandpaper. “Remus, listen to me.” 

“What? I’m listening.” 

Sirius was in dangerous territory. He hadn’t rehearsed anything up to this point. Frankly, Remus was surprising him at every turn. But he needed to say something to convince Remus to stay. Because he couldn’t lose him. Their letters were, at times, Sirius’ only life line. Before he left, Remus provided a home, both literally and as a person. Sirius doesn’t know what home is without Remus. He  _ does  _ know that, whatever he’ll say next, he’ll probably mess it up. So he needs to tread lightly, very lightly. Remus is already getting suspicious. Sirius sucks in some air so his chest inflates.  _ Confidence. That’s the key.  _

“I really missed you.” 

Remus sighed. He patted the space beside him so Sirius would sit. “I missed you, too.” 

  
  
  


Lily invited them over to breakfast the next day. Because Sirius’ first revelation was shared with her, he decided she would be the best recipient for his second. Once he arrived, he grabbed her hand and dragged her to the bathroom. 

“Someone has gotten hansy after two months on a ship,” she commented. 

“I’m sorry. They can get physical quickly.”    
  
“Are you talking about fights, Sirius?” 

He rolled his eyes, frustrated. “Yes, but that’s not the point of this conversation. I’ve been meaning to ask…” Now that he was here, he found it harder to say than to script. The heat climbing up his neck didn’t help. “How do you know when you’re… in love?” 

Lily clamped her mouth shut with her hand. Muffled, she asked, “Are you in love with Remus?” 

Sirius tongue fumbled in his mouth. “I don’t know, maybe?” 

Lily giggled into her hand. “Well, do you want to spend your life with him?” 

“Of course!” Sirius wanted to scream it, but Lily’s bathroom wasn’t soundproof at all. He wouldn’t be surprised if James could hear them. “But you said love is-” 

_ “Blind,  _ Sirius. Love is blind.” She removed her hand from her mouth to hug him wholeheartedly. She didn’t answer his question. 

“Okay, but am I in love with him?” 

“I don’t know, Sirius, are you?” 

“I think I’m in way over my head.” 

Lily chuckled and pulled away. “Then you just may be.” 

Sirius frowned. “That doesn’t help. Should I tell him?” 

“Of course you should! Sirius, you can’t keep something like that to yourself! Go tell him.” 

His thoughts began rushing through his head and crashing into each other. It’s a wonder how he managed to speak at all. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Lily only raised an eyebrow at him. “Trust me, he does.” 

Everything inside Sirius came to a halt. “He does?” 

“Yes, you dolt, he’s in love with you, too.” After a second of realization, Lily’s hand returned to her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Merlin, Remus is going to kill me- where are you going?” 

Sirius was already marching out of the bathroom. His immediate presence surprised James and Remus, who were chopping fruit in the kitchen, but he didn’t care. The sunlight from the window shined directly on Remus like he was a magnet. In this lighting, his few freckles stood out. Had he gained more since May? Most likely- the sun did that to him. Sirius shook himself; Remus raised an eyebrow at him, his usual sign of amusement. 

“What’s up, Sirius?” He asked. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Maybe he should have waited until Remus didn’t have a knife in hand. Remus’ jaw dropped, and we would have stayed paralyzed if he hadn’t cut his finger with the knife. He used the opportunity to cover his cut with a paper towel on the other end of the kitchen. 

Why hadn’t Sirius rehearsed this? He rehearses everything: the one time he doesn’t, something goes wrong. Remus is bleeding. Sirius doesn’t know what to do. 

Lily appeared behind him. “Oh my gosh, you didn’t have to tell him right  _ now,”  _ she said, exasperated. James pointed his knife at her, poorly hiding a maniacal grin. 

“You told him to do this?” 

“Don’t blame this on me-” 

“I am right here,” Remus interrupted, leaning against the kitchen counter and wrapping a band-aid around his finger. “Sirius, can we talk in private?” 

“Okay.” Sirius nodded and followed Remus back to the bathroom. (Every important conversation in the mainland happens in bathrooms, apparently.) Remus shut the door behind them and leaned against it, immediately pulling at one of his curls. 

“I told the truth,” Sirius stated. “I’m in love with you.” 

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. It couldn’t hide the blush rising to his face. “I heard you the first time.” 

“Why are you mad?” 

“I’m not-” Remus sighed. “I’m not mad. I’m just confused.” 

“Why are you confused?” 

Remus shook his head. “Why are you in love with me?” 

It was Sirius’ turn for his jaw to drop. “Why am I in love with you? What is there-” 

Remus raised his hand in a stopping gesture. “No, let me finish. You left for two months, Sirius. I’m the first person you met on the mainland. You lived with me for six weeks- you’ve seen me at my ugliest, and-” 

“And I still want to stay.” Sirius crossed his arms. He was talking now. “I don’t know exactly what this means yet, but I know that I want to be with you. Kissing you is like…” Sirius waved his hands, trying to articulate an answer, “it’s the best thing. I might be leaving next month, but I want to spend this month with you.” 

Remus stopped fidgeting- stopped pulling his hair and rubbing his nose. Instead he watched Sirius silently. Sirius couldn’t find any particular emotion until Remus grabbed his face and kissed him. 

All those other kisses were grey splotches compared to the magnitude of this one. This was more than the best thing. Sirius would need a whole book to describe everything. He didn’t have that kind of time- he only had a month. 

  
  
  


Remus bought a bigger bed since Sirius had left. “So you wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch,” he explained. 

“Where would you sleep?” 

Remus blushed. Sirius wanted to kiss him again, but knew it was too early. It didn’t stop him from fantasizing. “In the bed,” he said timidly. 

Then it clicked for Sirius. “Together?” 

“Yes, together, Oliver. Ten points.” 

Sirius couldn’t resist. He pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek, which then migrated to his lips, where they stayed for a while. 

Remus still had work, and Sirius was called into the research lab for hours a day, but they spent their nights curled on the couch, listening to the radio and eating Spanish food Sirius learned to cook on the ship. There was a lot of work to do in the lab, and their eyes were always set on Morocco, but Sirius preferred to imagine what it would be like to smuggle Remus on the ship, or just to stay with him in their flat. He always had a fantasy going on whenever Mad-Eye Moody went ranting about constant vigilance and research delays again. 

Until one day, Mad-Eye said something important. 

“We’ve just been told by our CEO that there’s a new poison we need to be investigating. Something ‘bout invasive species spreading into Scotland. So some of ye will need to stay behind, work in the greenhouse a bit, maybe catch this deadly ill. But if you die, you’ll die with  _ courage-”  _

“No one will die!” Said McGonagall, the director of greenhouse work. Her face was stern behind her goggles. “Only more disective work to understand this poison. We haven’t seen anything like it before, and we need to figure out an antidote and how to contain the plant before more people get sick. We’ll need at least ten volunteers-” Sirius raised his hand immediately. McGonagall noticed him and nodded. “Okay, Mr. Orion, that’s one volunteer. Everyone else will need to sign up with me by the end of the week.” 

Sirius smiled to himself like a maniac. Remus was going to flip. 

He rushed home through the floo like he had wings (which, with all this energy, he really felt like he did). Remus was already home, so Sirius jumped on his shoulders, surprising him.    
  
“What’s going on?” Remus asked, startled, once he turned around and saw Sirius’ large grin. 

  
“I’m staying at the lab.”    
  
Remus’ eyes widened. “You’re what?” 

“I’m  _ staying!  _ With you!” 

Remus stood frozen, giving Sirius the perfect opportunity to kiss him. Despite his state of total shock, Remus kissed back. 

When they came up for air, Remus began talking again, tripping over his words in excitement. “Wait, what happened at the lab? Was there a problem-” 

“We have some poisonous invasive species-” 

_ “Poisonous?”  _

Sirius squeezed Remus’ shoulders to calm him down. “Remus, I’m staying with you. We can be together now.” 

“Oh, Merlin,” Remus laughed. Sirius never wanted to hear anything else. “Good. I’m way too attached to you, otherwise.” 

“Does that mean you’re in love with me, too?” 

Remus laughed a bit harder and pushed Sirius' shoulder like they always do. “You know the answer to that.” 

“You’re right, I know everything.”

“Someone’s cocky.” Sirius stood on his toes to make eye contact with him. This close, he could perfectly watch the blush creep across Remus’ face. “But, yeah, I might be a bit in love with you.” 

Sirius’ heart felt like it could burst. It was beating fast enough to, anyway. “Just a bit?” Remus slapped his shoulder, causing him to stumble. Remus caught him and, in a singular motion, pulled him into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok im not the best at endings but i hope this lived up to the hype lmao 
> 
> thank you to everyone who subscribed and stayed with this fic along the way! i appreciate every single comment and kudos given to me. i wouldn't have finished this fic if it wasn't for the immense support yall have given me. love you all :) 
> 
> keep up with me on tumblr- i accept writing prompts and post about my new fics! proffessorrjlupin.tumblr.com


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